Can't face work after this

This with giant bells on. Its a job. That's all. It's a career. Fabulous If you left/ had an accident / died they'd send an email round,send flowers to your funeral and fill your position in a fortnight. It doesn't matter how high powered a person is, they are replaceable. Never forget it. If people are pleasant to work with that's a bonus. If it's fun ,that's a bonus. What happens outside work is far more important.

Chill out.

Your new baby and great family friendly working conditions are far more important than a senior position.

Be thankful she is a nice colleague, and hope you can continue to work well together.

Then go home to what's really important!

Work with your new manager, she sounds like she would be really supportive of your career development.

I'm managing a guy who went for my job, he had been on the org for a lot longer than me. He made it awkward for a few months but he's genuinely a nice guy and he's got all of my support to shape his role in any way he wants.

It's unfair because if you hadn't gone on mat leave she would never have joined and the likelihood is you would be in that job now.

So you have been penalised for having a baby.

But at the same time they have done nothing wrong. They hired the best person for the job. It's also unfortunate it's happened so soon after returning as this put you at a disadvantage

I'd look for a new one role and for now keep proving yourself in the current one

I've been both the person who took on a maternity cover contract, then got promoted to be the returner's boss, and the person who went on maternity to come back and have a newly joined person promoted above me into a job I could do. This was all in the same company.

Try and not take it personally. They are not saying you are doing a bad job. Lots of companies will do whatever they think is right for the company, and don't focus so much on the people, unfortunately.

If you have a manager senior to you, it's a waste of resources for you both to be in senior meetings/chats, as it only needs one of you, and it's appropriate for that to be the most senior person, which is your manager.

Take the positives from this role, and reframe it in your mind in that it's flexible and suits your new life with a baby.

If you're really finding it too difficult to reconcile this to yourself, you need to look for a new job. That's what I did in my second scenario, and secured myself much greater flexibility, and a 43% pay rise, so it all worked out for the best.

I can totally understand how you feel.

But my guess is this lady is older? Older family or no kids?

You say she is good.

Was she where you are now at one point? Could you use her to learn? Talk to her about how she progressed her career etc.

As much as we say having a baby shouldn't affect anything the truth is that whilst you may have got the role you've been away 10 months and someone with more experience has come along.

But you can and will be that person one day. And you have the perfect person to learn from.

Especially because if she is older she'll retire before you

Right now you have a good job that works well with having a family. For me that's the best of both worlds

@Notquitegrownup2 had the right advice at the start of the thread. Play the long game, reshape your priorities and learn from this new boss, do a good job, make yourself important to her but also, keep the main focus of your life your new family.

This happened to me when I came back from having my second baby; it had happened to an extent with my first as the girl hired to cover my maternity leave was kept on but we shared the role and for me this was better as I'd dropped a day so it meant less pressure.

When I went off a second time the original cover who was still there took over my role again and they had an intern to help out too, as they didn't have the budget to get another full recruitment like before. My line manager (our shared manager) changed whilst I was off the second time and when I came back it became clear very quickly that the new line manager preferred my colleague over me.

She got all the good projects, I was given the bitty less important ones. It was demotivating and I brought it up but was told that I wasn't working at the same pace as my colleague.

This hurt as my colleague was single and would work out-with paid hours (ie weekends and stay late during the week) to get things done. Which I could not do with two young children at home. My new line manager was also single and also worked this way (whereas my previous line manager had a family and was always telling me they were the priority).

Eventually it became clear I was not gelling in this new team dynamic so I applied to transfer to another internal team which was more suited to my skillset. As my line manager didn't object I was able to (which would have not happened before). I've been there for a while now and it's so much better. There's no guarantee that this will be permanent but who knows?

I look back now at the early days when I first came back and I felt like I was being sidelined and frozen out and I'd cry a lot about it but now I realise I'm actually in a better, more interesting role. With the same hours and no pressure to do unpaid work.

Society will make you pay various penalties for being a Mum and this is one of them. I say that as a child free woman in a senior role who has seen it happen to numerous colleagues over the years.

It was really frustrating to watch talented women have one arm tied behind their back like this so when I became the big boss I decided I would offer a short course of coaching upon return from mat leave - not necessarily with a view to promotion (unless they set that as their particular goal) but mainly just to signal "we want you to come back feeling valued and invested in". We have an internal team of coaches we can refer to, if your workplace doesn't have that could you ask in your performance review for them to commission a coach externally - there are loads of them about and often 3 sessions is enough to give the person the building blocks they need to start achieving whatever goal it is that they set.

Sometimes the silliest, most minor of things can be the most upsetting! Emotions are emotions, and you are nbu to feel the way you do.
But as many others have said, there's a reason things have turned out the way they have. Enjoy not being a member of the smt; you'll have more mental energy to enjoy your baby.
Your time will come!

Something similar happened to one of my DC. She quit with no new job to go to and now bitterly regrets doing so.

My advice is suck it up for the moment but look around for something new.

Just accept that your long-term future isn't with this firm.

Learn everything you can from her and once you're feeling stronger and the timing is right look for somewhere you can use that knowledge. It may or may not be with your current organisation. It's so hard to detach emotionally and having a baby is tough on its own without adding stress of senior management roles to it.

Enjoy your baby and try to be philosophical about it. And always, always, always get things in writing!!

I came back from maternity leave and both times had a few things that knocked my confidence, I felt invisible at times. I decided to ‘use’ work as awful as that sounds! I’ve always been a 110% effort person at work but I decided to do a good enough job and kept my head down and got on. As they’ve got older I’ve now applied for other jobs in the place I work and now it’s been my time to focus on my job. I know there are many people who work on their career from their children being young but this worked well for me.

Rejection's a bitch isn't it! It doesn't matter where it comes from or how big or small it is, its super tough to take.

I hope you have treated yourself to a big commiseration-tiramisu (or similar) and feel free to sit in the dumps for a while.

This person still might have applied anyway if it was an external post, but still boo-sucks for you.

On a positive slant your a new mum taking a step back and giving yourself a bit of headspace and room for your family might be a good thing.

Learn all you can from her and then when you are ready look at your options.

TBH OP you were kind of set up to fail seeing as you’d only just gone back after absence and had been out of the loop as opposed to your cover who’d been there for the time you were away. Employer may also have had concerns you may need to take time off if baby is ill/childcare issues and may not be fully focused on job and struggled taking on more responsibilities with a young child.

Not that that’s right at all but sadly employers would probably chose a employee without a young baby/child as opposed to one with and yours know you’ve just have one. They’d never admit it though so not much point in challenging it.

It’s good you applied as it shows you have come back wanting to progress and you obviously did well only getting one point less. I would take it on the chin for now and not let it affect your confidence, prove to yourself you can do your job well as well as juggling being a mum.

You don’t want to be moving jobs at this stage as you wouldn’t have 2 years employment protection which is quite valuable when you are tied into a childcare contract. I’d settle back in for a bit and review in a year or so.

If I’ve understood correctly, OP is the same level of seniority as she always was but has been uninvited from meetings that she attended before. In which case, that’s actually not really related to this other vacancy/hiring decision. Like I said, I wouldn’t strop or let it affect her relationship with the new LM but I wouldn’t exert myself to interpret the firm’s actions too generously either. Inclusive environments don’t happen by accident - mat leave returners dropping off guestlists or suddenly getting all the boring work is exactly the sort of stuff good leaders don’t allow to happen.

You've had some great advice on here. And you must know deep down that promotion isn't the right move for you right now. A new baby settling into a new routine and you getting your brain back into gear after 10 months off isn't the time to be looking for promotion. It'd make a time of adjustment even harder.

You'd be mad to look for another job now... you'd have to be proving yourself and working above and beyond just when you're finding your feet with juggling a baby and work. Your current company sound great. They'll help you get back into work mode with the support you need right now.

Give it another 12 months and you'll see this has all been for the best. The only thing I would ask is if you can be given a performance plan to get you to the level that you want to be.

Good luck OP. You've got a good job! There are many places that wouldn't give you the support you need when you get back from maternity leave. That counts for a lot.

@Dimgwaith all of the above AND as much as you might be looking forward to getting your teeth back into it again, this might be letting you release some emotions about leaving your baby with others that you haven't wanted to express?

Give yourself some time & space to get back into working, adapt to all the changes that doing that with a baby bring. Going back from MAT leave is a big change even if you're ready to!

you’ve been sidelined because you went on mat leave

I think the only impact maternity leave had on the hiring decision was that her replacement was more skilled. That's what has scuppered her promotion. OP openly says the new person has brought a lot with them.

I would try very hard not to be in the mindset she was overlooked due to maternity leave. That's just going to cause unhappiness. Recognising the successful candidate was the better choice due to experience and skills will influence how OP interacts with them and increase the likelihood of a positive, beneficial working relationship.

I’m not sure I agree with ‘you’d have chosen to have your baby over the promotion’/‘you might be grateful for the slower progress in the early years’ etc. No, you’ve been sidelined because you went on mat leave and that is shit and we shouldn’t rationalise or excuse that happening to women just because they become mothers. That said, I really don’t recommend any form of stropping at work - I’ve never really seen it work out well for anyone. What I really do recommend is making a big effort to absorb and reflect the things you admire about your new manager, and tell her you’re doing that. Ask and expect her to develop you to promotion ready - that’s part of her job and it sounds like she’ll be good at it. Use her to your advantage.

and do keep going @Dimgwaith , by all means make a voodoo doll of your replacement, but keep going and keep smiling!

amazing how being fertile scuppers your employment opportunities @Dimgwaith

Same happened to me, in a law firm too, had a MC and got made redundant 10 weeks later. Nice

They dont want women with responsibilities

I used to think of colleagues almost as friends and a bit of a work family, but seeing how easily I can be replaced has given* me a wake up call.*

There was a thread on here a few months back from a woman who had "devoted" herself to her job for years, but who eventually got made redundant.

Someone gave her some very sage advice, that showing how much the job meant to her was very different from bringing value to the company, and that it's the ones who do a great job but who seem to be in a position to potentially be hired by a competitor who get the promotions.

At least it's someone you can respect and learn from. I'd use the opportunity to learn things from her to get up to her level and then look to move on in a few years. Hopefully she is good at developing people and will help you progress your career.

Do you get on well with new colleague? If so, and given she clearly has lots of fresh ideas and experience, could you ask her about mentoring/coaching you?

It could help strengthen your prospects if you do decide to look for a role elsewhere, plus you may genuinely find it helpful. Plus being seen to take such a proactive approach to your own development may also help your standing where you are now?