To tell him that I wish he would send more video messages/voicenotes?

I'm the same, it's just someone ranting at you essentially. There's no enjoyment in that at all.

💯 I have a friend who did this for the last 5 years. Long voice notes on a regular basis often about quite serious and depressing stuff going on in her life. I’d mentioned many times I’d prefer a call and she chose not to. It’s one of the many reasons why we rarely talk now.

Please for the love of god do not send him any money under any circumstances

I get what you mean but it sounds like he stringing you along and likes having you in the background as a regular ego boost . Now you’re giving him less attention he’s worried you’ll back off altogether.

I was talking to someone in another country a while back, I asked where did they see this going as I wasn’t here for a penpal. I put them on the spot and they had to admit they saw it going nowhere. I said ok fine, thanks for letting me know - goodbye! Equally I’ve said the same thing to men and they’ve been like I’ll book a flight - can I come visit you next month? the men who are serious will let you know! My friend married her online boyfriend who lived about 16 hour aways
on a plane and they’ve been together like 20 years!

Be very direct!

I hate voice notes, if you want to talk to me call me and we can have a conversation where I'm allowed to participate too, but no you want to talk AT me in a way that I then need to take time out of my day to find somewhere quiet and sit silently listening to your ramblings without any spaces for a two way interaction.
At least a text I can read quickly when I get a moment.
IME prolific voice noters are needy

This is just nonsense.

He's losing interest, it happens. An 11 hour flight away, a guy you've online-known a month, who you've been doing a little bit of light flirting with...? It's not that serious.

You are MASSIVELY over-invested.

LOL!!!!! I'm still waiting on the call unfortunately, but rest assured,, am practising the sad face daily 😞😞😞

But I’m sure Take A Break gave you a fee for your story and an unflattering photo of you standing like Miss Havisham in your wedding dress pointing sadly at your laptop and your empty bank account?

unfortunately this is very possible OP, long distance or not they estimate a significant amount of men on dating apps or online posing as single are actually married or in relationships.

When we were 19, my friend had a LD relationship with a slightly older man in America for years used to call or email him regularly and at one point she would hear a woman or a baby in the background and the line would cut, and when she called him out he’d deny it. And this was someone she met in person first let alone someone she’d never met.

ETA: It’s disappointing he clearly isn’t that keen but it’s perhaps a blessing in disguise as you could get more and more attached while he may not have any plans to make this into a serious relationship.

A while back I got a FB pm from 'some silver fox serving abroad in the US Army'. My profile pic is me in my wedding dress. They're not half lazy with the phishing. Obviously I gave him all my money and am now destitute 😁

Just another thought.

Maybe the videos aren't of him and he's temporarily run out of them?

He might need to contact Handsome Harry again and pay him a few more quid?

Believe it or not, this is exactly what conmen do if they're going to try and get money out of the woman.

Before you know it, he'll be looking for plane fair to come and 'visit' you.

Why so cynical 😂😂😂

Oh well, at least when he starts sending the "could you send me £5k to help my elderly Aunty" messages he'll get a more positive response to a video message than a text.

Have you considered he might be texting/video messaging many women on the internet?

Some men and women do this, often because their marriage/relationship has gone stale.

It's apparently quite addictive for some and they deliberately choose people in far away countries, so they don't affect their real life.

I would put all my efforts in something that would actually work

Ultimately this will never work as a relationship. You live to far apart and you don’t even know each other yet you are invested in this person. I would say just a message saying that living so far apart means that a relationship isn’t possible and that you wish him the best.

it also raised my scam senses- a couple of weeks of video calls then down to texts could also be a “face” and then someone else takes over whilst he works on the next one hence the contact.

Ugh I hate voice notes. Always kills the conversation for me as I have to find somewhere private to listen to them.

I'm afraid you have to fast forward a bit into the future. OK so he resumes the videos but then what. You have a video and you're still 11hr away. Where is this going ? Is it really a practical proposition... remember all this time and emotional energy you're investing in this guy, is time you are not investing in things closer to home.
I'm sorry OP but this seems v impractical

I wonder though, if the reason this "couldn't be a relationship but looks a bit like one" situation is appealing to you, OP, is because it is safer than a real relationship?

In which case, just enjoying being single for a while could be a better way forward than looking for someone local.

Not to mention, potentially stopping OP meeting someone IRL (and more accessible)

Ok. Liking somebody is not always enough of a reason for keeping in touch, though. Nothing meaningful can develop here and a penpal is not what you want.

So maybe the best thing for you is to recognise you like him but say a positive farewell now anyway. It was a fun extended conversation. But won't prolonging it will make it harder to end?

Absolutely 💯 this - it’s the 21st century version of having a penpal

Maybe he’s realised how unrealistic it all is and doesn’t see it as a relationship

No, you like what he has chosen to project to you on video from the other side of the world. It's not real. He might be perfectly lovely, but don't kid yourself that you have any idea who he is right now.