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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell him that I wish he would send more video messages/voicenotes?

83 replies

Comms85 · 26/05/2024 11:04

I've been chatting to a guy I met online for a month, it's long distance, he's like an 11 hour flight away.
Yes I know it seems pointless but I was enjoying the video messages as he's very handsome and the voicenotes as I love his accent. I was reciprocating and sending video messages and voicenotes back.
In the last 2 weeks he has pretty much just stopped sending videos or voicenotes and now just texts. For me the whole point of it is to see his face and hear his voice, I don't see the point of having a penpal who I text. For this reason it has been fizzling out and so I have backed off but he is still initiating the texting.
So I told him yesterday how I felt and that it was just fizzling out for me as I don't see him or hear him anymore, he apologized and used being busy at work as an excuse (which we all know is BS, if he wanted to he would etc)

He then said he will start sending me video messages again.
Was I out of order to say this to him? Or should I have just left it? I don't want to pressure someone into sending me videos and voicenotes if they aren't feeling like they want to but it's like he just got lazy and stopped and tbh I can't be arsed texting someone small talk etc. I have friends , I don't need another one.
I told him this yesterday and was fully prepared for it to be over , I wasn't expecting him to reply and say he would send videos again as he obviously doesn't want to or he wouldn't have stopped.

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SuzySizzle · 29/05/2024 08:34

What country is he in?

Original poster
Comms85 · 28/05/2024 18:57

@Ace56 I posted because I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable and wanted other people's opinions. A bit silly to be on a forum if you're going to question people why they post stuff. 🙄 This forum wouldn't exist without people posting questions on it.

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Original poster
Comms85 · 28/05/2024 18:53

@Humanswarm because I like him and if you look at my original post, I wanted opinions on whether I had been unreasonable in what I had said to him. So annoying when people ask why someone posts something, it's a forum that's the whole point of this place 🙄

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Ace56 · 28/05/2024 15:51

Comms85 · 28/05/2024 15:16

@zusje thank you, I certainly am not planning to move to his country and I couldn't as I have commitments. I'm also seeing other people so he's not stopping me from doing that. I'm enjoying it and not expecting us to get married or anything like that. I like the videos and voicenotes and I'm sure it will fizzle out at some point but untill then I will just enjoy it

“I’m sure it will fizzle out at some point” - well that’s exactly what’s happening now! Why post about it, not sure what you expect?

You know it isn’t going anywhere and you’re happy with this…so just let it go 😂

Humanswarm · 28/05/2024 15:22

There's plenty of videos by guys with accents on Facebook. That's literally all this is. Watching a stranger on a screen. If you're so nonplussed, why post about it?

Original poster
Comms85 · 28/05/2024 15:16

@zusje thank you, I certainly am not planning to move to his country and I couldn't as I have commitments. I'm also seeing other people so he's not stopping me from doing that. I'm enjoying it and not expecting us to get married or anything like that. I like the videos and voicenotes and I'm sure it will fizzle out at some point but untill then I will just enjoy it

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zusje · 28/05/2024 00:21

Why is everyone getting their panties in a twist about "what do you want to do with him" and "where do you see this going"? Presumably both the OP and this guy are adults. The OP has been very clear in what she wants from the guy, more videos and voice notes and (for the moment) online communication. Why is it anyone else's business whether they "make a go of it" or whether this is going anywhere, I haven't seen the OP mentioning she's spending her entire income on this guy one way or the other nor that she's planning to leave her entire family/friends/support system behind for an imaginary life with this person she's been speaking to over the internet for the past couple of months, so why all the judgmental posts? If two adult people who live on opposite sides of the world fancy talking to each other through messages, video messages, voice notes and the occasional video chat and both are ok with it (and the impracticalities of it) who's business is it otherwise?

Crack on OP, if you're happy with the situation (if he starts sending videos again) and it makes your life better talking to this person, ignore eveyrone else!!

QueenCamilla · 28/05/2024 00:00

Is this a sort of kink?

There's definitely a wide range of services out there for guys who fancy a "girlfriend experience" online. For a fee they exchange photos, video calls, texts and speak in accents on voice notes. One can even pay extra to be exclusive. Zero communication issues - you get what you pay for.
I'm wondering if there's a pretty face "boyfriend experience" available (and his boxers in the post) for those who fall that way...🤔

It's not a relationship OP, it's an imaginary boyfriend.
Who knows, maybe it is indeed a good idea for you to conduct your love life online - it might be the safest option

SquashPenguin · 27/05/2024 23:05

PaddingtonTheAngelofDeath · 26/05/2024 11:15

Probably has a wife

This was exactly my first thought.

Cloudylilac · 27/05/2024 23:02

Comms85 · 26/05/2024 14:43

@Cloudylilac thanks for the advice and good to know you have experienced a long distance situation as well. Yes I really need to be direct. That's why I told him how I felt yesterday, I was trying to be direct and knew that it could put him off

From what I understand you were direct about the methods of communication you prefer -but were you direct about asking him where you see all this going ?

If you don’t see it going anywhere that’s one thing, but if you do - you might want to check he’s on the same page as far as being open to something real potentially growing out of this.

PearTreeBoat · 27/05/2024 10:14

But if you are unlikely to ever even see each other in person then he is just a pen pal, this isn't a long-distance relationship.

I have recently met somebody (in person) who literally lives on the other side of the world to me (30 hours!), we are certainly not in a relationship at the moment due to the distance but both would like to see if this could work, so he has booked to fly and see me in 6 weeks time and I am going over to him in September.

We are both lucky that our jobs/financial situation allows us both to travel a lot and possibly relocate so there is a possibility that it could work but from what you are saying that doesn't appear to be on the cards for you.

What is it you want from this guy other than the odd video/voicenote?

Original poster
Comms85 · 27/05/2024 10:02

He sent me a video 😍 it was so good to see him again. Wish I didn't like someone so much who lives so far away. I honestly gave him the opportunity to go but he didn't , well not yet anyway.

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Original poster
Comms85 · 26/05/2024 20:32

@PonyPatter44 yeah that could very well be the case. Either way, I'm just going to move on

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PonyPatter44 · 26/05/2024 20:31

O come on. His wife has come back from her work trip / girls holiday / visit to her mum, so he doesn't get peace and quiet to record videos and voice notes for you any more. Chalk this one up to experience, and look for a man you can have a real relationship with.

Original poster
Comms85 · 26/05/2024 20:27

I'm also not saying that he must only send me videos and voicenotes , of course not but he has literally just been texting me the last couple weeks with not a single voicenote or video

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Original poster
Comms85 · 26/05/2024 20:26

@Choochoo21 I am into him but as it's long distance and I'm not going to see him or hear him in real life any time soon then the next best thing is to see him on video or hear his voice on a voicenote. To me it is absolutely pointless having any sort of long distance situation via text solely. And yes maybe we are incompatible..He did send videos and voicenotes for the first 2 weeks and then stopped and then because he stopped , I did as well , so now we are just texting and I don't want a penpal

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Choochoo21 · 26/05/2024 17:43

Is this a reverse?

I’m currently going through the exact same thing but with a guy who wants to do video messages and photos.

He too is backing off from me because I won’t do it as often as he likes.

Its a shame because I really fancy him but I just hate doing videos/photos and find them so much harder than just sending a quick text.

It is putting me off of him because it feels petty that he’s practically sulking because I’m not doing these things.
It also seems quite needy.

Ultimately it sounds like you two just aren’t compatible and perhaps you’re just not that into him.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 26/05/2024 16:05

Comms85 · 26/05/2024 14:51

Also if he lived local, I would not care that he doesn't voicenote or send me videos of him, because I would get to see him. But this guy lives 5000 miles away and so it's important for me to get to see his face and hear his accent etc, it's what made me like him in the first place. It's not like I'm going to get to see him any time soon, if at all , so this is the next best thing.

It's not like I'm going to get to see him any time soon, if at all , so this is the next best thing.

The best thing to do is wake up and stop contacting him.

Otherwise before you know it you'll be 'in love' and starting threads about how painful the distance is.

Mrsttcno1 · 26/05/2024 14:56

I think it’s one thing to be direct with someone you are dating and in a relationship with, I absolutely think it’s important to clearly state your needs in that situation. But with a stranger who you’ve never met, who lives on the other side of the world, I think this is all just a bit ridiculous really.

Original poster
Comms85 · 26/05/2024 14:51

Also if he lived local, I would not care that he doesn't voicenote or send me videos of him, because I would get to see him. But this guy lives 5000 miles away and so it's important for me to get to see his face and hear his accent etc, it's what made me like him in the first place. It's not like I'm going to get to see him any time soon, if at all , so this is the next best thing.

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Original poster
Comms85 · 26/05/2024 14:49

I guess he's just not a voicenoter and has resorted to his usual ways of just texting people,

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Original poster
Comms85 · 26/05/2024 14:47

it's funny with friends I actually prefer a voicenote to a call, I have a friend that phones me randomly and I hate it, I wish she would just voicenote me. I'm a big fan of voicenotes, I could never stand and type all that out on a text, I'd be standing there for an hour!
I actually hate that 9 out of 10 guys that I have dated never do them, they will do them at the start to humour me and then stop and just fall back into texting. I guess we all like what we like. I don't mind texting either if course but when it's just constant texting then I get bored

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Original poster
Comms85 · 26/05/2024 14:43

@Cloudylilac thanks for the advice and good to know you have experienced a long distance situation as well. Yes I really need to be direct. That's why I told him how I felt yesterday, I was trying to be direct and knew that it could put him off

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DeadMabelle · 26/05/2024 14:40

DanielGault · 26/05/2024 13:37

I'm the same, it's just someone ranting at you essentially. There's no enjoyment in that at all.

Show quote history

Yes. My only friend who regularly uses voice notes does so because she’s either walking her dog or in her car (she’s a peripatetic rurally-based yoga teacher), so I deal, because it’s easier for her for obvious reasons, and she’s great, but I’m not wild about it.

Original poster
Comms85 · 26/05/2024 14:36

@TwattyMcFuckFace@DanielGault
Because I've had 2 live video calls with him so I know it's him. Sorry @DanielGault I had previously tried to reply and now can't delete the tag

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