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Original poster

Sick of being the bad guy

31 replies

NonBinaryBlanket · 26/05/2024 02:46

I’m fuming. DH has form for being a bit Disney Dad when it comes to DS, leaving me to be the disciplinarian. Consequently, DS doesn’t like me very much, if at all, but loves his dad.

DH has given up his weekend to help DS with one of his hobbies. DS’s room is an absolute shit tip and I told DH not to start the hobby until DS had cleaned his room. He needed to put his dirty clothes in the hamper, crockery in the kitchen and rubbish in the bin. That’s all. I’m happy to do the rest. DS made a token effort but there’s still tons of crap in there.

DS was upstairs with me and DH downstairs. I sent DH a text saying the room hasn’t been done, being discreet so that DH could deal with it. Instead of replying by text, he shouted up the stairs “it’s better than it was” meaning I had to shout back my answer, “it’s not good enough”. DS heard this and knew what I was referring to. Cue argument between DS and I 😢.

DS and DH have now driven off to buy things for his hobby and I’m left here, fuming 😡.

I am so sick of always being the bad guy 😞.

OP posts:
TealSapphire · 26/05/2024 06:56

I fell into this trap too OP.

Next weekend, you go out and do something fun with your DS. Leave your DH to sort the house.

Original poster
NonBinaryBlanket · 26/05/2024 06:55

@TheSandgroper DS is 19.

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 26/05/2024 06:41

You don’t say how old your ds is.

When dc was small, dh tried to duck out of discipline. I said I could do it but when the stroppy teenager walked into our life, he would have no say. The groundwork had to laid and continue to be built on for the appropriate relationship to be formed.

DH got the message.

Jhgdsd · 26/05/2024 04:15

Your husband is a twat.
Stop doing anything for either of them.
No food or laundry, until they BOTH shape up.
Men like your husband give women the Ick. They actually care more about themselves than being a decent parent.
Ick.

Yougetmoreofwhatyoufocuson · 26/05/2024 03:47

Behind every chilled go with the flow dad therefore an adult mum doing all the organising and real parenting. Have a conversation with him and tell him how disappointed you are and how would he like to go forward.

utilitarianism · 26/05/2024 03:34

You and your husband need to present a united front when dealing with your son. Your husband should already understand this, but apparently he needs a refresher. I'd find time to talk with him when DS won't be around to overhear. Explain how you feel and that you need him to back you up and not let you become the default 'bad guy'.

He might not agree, or he may say he'll do it then fail to follow through, but a decent life partner would at least make an effort to support you.

For now, I wouldn't clean your son's room. It can wait for him (or DH) to tackle when they return home.

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