Partner having take away with his ex

I'd be absolutely fine with this. It's great that they can get on well enough to do that, it's rare with coparenting. If he was sleeping over there regularly I'd be concerned but just having a takeaway? Nah.

This bit I totally agree with. DP does it at my house and I have to bite my tongue (because in other ways he’s wonderful). I get that it means he’s comfortable here and that’s great, but I don’t like it at all.

But that’s not what you asked about: you asked about the takeaway.

Crucially too, you asked ‘AIBU to be annoyed?’ and posters have answered that: yes, you are. If you’d come on and ranted, or asked for help to feel better about it , you’d have got different responses.

I'm going to ask my sister to look at this

@Stresshead54321

🤔 you knew what you were getting into having a relantship with someone who has a child by a previous relantship,

It's definitely a good enough thing they get on reasonably OK,

believe me you only have to look on the posts on mumsnet threads which harp on how nasty some ex wifes or husband's can be,
Thank your lucky stars his ex wife is not like one of them like that, !!!
What a relief that is, !,

Can you amagine what life would be like for yourselves as a couple and family unit,
if she his ex was a extremely needy insecure immature bit/or a lot envious type of person especially in regards of yourselves,?

Of course as a reasonably decent person 🙄 and a mum to his daughter,
she wanted to thank him for helping to install her new kitchen cabinets in her home and foster goodwill as a family ,
by watching some boring 😴 footie match on TV,

It's also reasonably doing this your husband or partner lost track of the time and didn't report back to you like you are his parole officer or something..

I wonder who the unreasonable one in this kind of set up then is..
I think it's you...

So because we didn't go all 'how terrible you need to leave him immediately how could he do that to you' you now have an issue?

Why not just say 'only reply if you agree with me'

Don't leave lol

Twist this round.

Imagine he’d got back from fitting the kitchen, hungry and moaning about his ex.

How Inappropriate would it be for her to not feed him, when he’s helping her? If I had a tradesperson in my house at breakfast time. I’d offer food. (Admittedly, I wouldn’t settle them on the sofa with a takeaway when they finished, but I’d be paying them)

You’d be here asking “AIBU to think ex should have fed DP when he was there all day?”

The fact he has a good relationship with the mother of his child is a good thing. If you can’t deal with it, this isn’t the relationship for you.

He's not allowed to make himself a cuppa in your house after a long day of DIY and making the effort to come and see you afterwards? Don't be surprised if he doesn't text you again. You certainly seem like you're insecure and jealous.
No shade on that part to be fair, personally I wouldn't want my partner spending time with his ex which is why I don't date men with children.
Consider the position if he was to tell you any aspect of how you communicate with your child's dad was weird and act like you have today, posting about it and calling you arrogant, would you still want to be with him?

Maybe he was just happy ? I don't think it's weird how you reacted, it's natural, but isn't this just what it was likely to be like ?

Did you expect him to bring a packed lunch? I just think your behaviour is a bit weird. Either you can cope with him having a relationship with his dc and ex or you can’t (this is fine not everyone is cut out for playing second fiddle) I’m not sure I’d want to date someone with kids either.

I would think it was a positive not a negative thing

As someone who has a very amicable relationship with my ex, I can’t see anything wrong with the scenario at all and the think your reaction sounds insecure and controlling.

He hasn’t messaged you today because he’s been busy, when he isn’t laying floor or fitting a kitchen, he’s been spending time with his child.
He hasn’t been there to see his ex but as you’ve already said, there to make a better life for his child.
I think it’s quite nice that he’s done that and feel like the ex has provided lunch and dinner as a thank you for helping them out.
It would have been nice for the child to have both parents together for a little while.

If you feel like this is too much for you then I would end the relationship. If you feel you can’t trust him and this has upset you then this isn’t the right relationship for you as you can’t make him change what’s happened. You can’t make him choose between messaging you more or spending time with his child.

personally, I dont think it is possible or necessary to be texting someone during DIY, or particularly appropriate to do so during a football match. I think he sounds like a great Dad. If I were him I would be seeing red flags waving madly around you right now.

I think spending these shared experiences as a Unit feels distressing.

Sorry but this reaction is way OTT.

I don't think there's anything wrong with still having shared experiences (not sure having some food counts as an 'experience') when you have. a Child together

I think you need to recalibrate your boundaries rather than enforce them-or split up as this won't change (nor should you try to change it)

He normally messages a lot (too much) but tonight he’s gone silent.

Sorry to say that it’s probably because your behaviour is quite OTT and borderline controlling and he doesn’t know what to make of it.

He helped out the mother of his child, who he is amicable with, and shared a bit of food with her. But you’re acting like this means he’s at risk of shagging her in the walk-in wardrobe.

Listen to yourself. You don’t seem to trust him, but is that because he has actually done anything wrong, or because you just don’t like having any perceived competition?

There’s not a lot of background here….if they split up last week you might be right to feel vulnerable.

my dh and his ex have gone away together and even shared a room together (due to visits his son in an emergency In hospital), I have no worries about this at all. I know her well and they parent well together.

you’ve got to set your own boundaries….

Your title and what is actually upsetting you are different.

Anyway if you think he has no boundaries then you need to split up.

Its fine to me

Of someone was kind enough to fit a kitchen I'd surely stump up for a sausage sandwich and a takeaway.

Although I feel you will disagree given your reaction to the PP who also say the same

You sound quite insecure in the relationship and should probably reflect whether it is your underlying belief structure or him that is the issue. You knew bf was going to do the diy (btw not just for his ex, but for his daughter to have a nice living space). His only crime seems to have been not checking in with you like you were his parole officer.