Partner having take away with his ex

How long have you been with him? Calling him your partner in the op makes it seem a long term relationship, but you then say it’s very new, which indicates he’s not your partner at all.

you obviously are jealous and insecure, and telling him to leave due to it, is concerning, he obvs has a good relationship with his ex, and that’s great, but if you can’t deal with it, as you’re too jealous, then it’s best one of you ends this, as you are looking to cause some distance there if you can.

You sound incredibly insecure/controlling.

I understand why you feel sidelined, but he sounds likeva good guy. Unless laying a floor is code for trying to get back together.

I dated a man who thought that he had to drop me every time his daughter rang him. No matter if it was his weekend or whether he could help bring her hamster back to life. It made me feel uneasy. Like I'd been cast in the role of pickmegirl or pick me later? It didn't work for me good father or not.

Yet again men are damned if they do and damned if they don't!

Poor chap is showing his child that mummy and daddy are decent people and although he doesn't live with them anymore, he's there to help.

The ex has been cordial and made food for him and then they have sat down as a family and ate a takeaway and spent time with their child together.

Or he could have told the ex no he will only ever see his daughter by picking her up at the door.

I think you should o our date people that don't have children as you are jealous, insecure and don't have any compassion.

You call him a very new partner how long are you together?
I wouldn't like someone letting themselves into my home. Lock the door?
Regarding helping his ex, his child will always come first. It's great he has a good relationship with his ex and is putting the needs of his daughter first.

You need to think about your boundaries and where they lie, not be influenced by people's boundaries on here, which vary enormously from "meh, what are you worried about" through "I bet it wasn't just flooring he was laying in her bedroom!"

you don't like the feelings that are coming up, knowing he's round at his ex having takeways and playing happy families.

Go with how you feel, he's hardly making you feel a great deal of confidence. If you feel like he'll be telling you they've decided to give their relationship another try, then that's probably because of the vibes he's giving you through his behaviour.

he doesn't sound like a catch to me, but then again I've seen too many situations like this with excessively blurred boundaries. If she can afford a new kitchen and flooring she can afford to get it installed by a fitter, but she's chosen her ex instead, how convenient.

What I’m iffy about is him walking in to my house and telling me he’s shared a take away with his ex and done all this DIY and then proceeding to make himself a cuppa in a new sort of arrogance. Just left me startled.

Nope, still not seeing the issue. You don't want him to feel at ease in your house and your pissed off he feels at ease in ex's house. The messaging expectation is ott too. This is an insecurity thing and you're never going to trust him and are already getting annoyed by how he makes a cup of tea. Just end it and have all the time you want with your DC instead of wasting it overthinking and worry about this stuff.

How long have you been together? By using the term partner I assume it's a while and the relationship is a partnership so would have no problem with him coming in and making himself a cup of tea etc... if it's a new relationship I guess it's different!

Wait a week or so then read your posts again. To be fair it sounds like he probably can't win with you whatever he does or doesn't do. You clearly have issues with trust.

I dunno. Would he spend all day fitting a kitchen in your house & laying a floor in your bedroom?

There is amicable and there is taking the piss. This is the kind of stuff you do for a partner or your own house, not someone who is an ex no matter how well you get on.

It's good he gets on with his ex but I'm not sure I'd be ok with this either.

This sounds like more of a you problem than a him problem.

Shared experiences 😂, he was doing DIY. She repaid that kind by feeding him. What was be meant to do, shovel food into his mouth between banging in nails, or sit down and eat?

If you have a problem him walking into your house, lock your doors.
I am not surprised he's gone quiet on you, doesn't seem he can do right from wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

“I feel the boundaries are being blurred and he should’ve messaged me during the day. He normally messages or calls a lot and today went very quiet.”

Would he not of been quiet because he was busy fitting a kitchen and laying a floor, if he was texting during that it would take twice as long! You say he’s a new partner, how new? Weeks, months? If you don’t like people just walking in then lock the door so they can’t.

What I’m iffy about is him walking in to my house and telling me he’s shared a take away with his ex and done all this DIY and then proceeding to make himself a cuppa in a new sort of arrogance. Just left me startled

A new sort of arrogance? He was probably just acting normal because he'd done nothing wrong. I imagine he had no idea it would startle you.

My ex and I were divorced 30 years ago and I still take him out for a curry on his birthday. It's an ages old tradition. It doesn't startle my husband. Mind, he'd be a bit pissed off if I didn't bring him a curry home.

I think it would be far weirder if he spent the day doing DIY for his ex then she unceremoniously threw him out! "No, you can't spend any quality time with your daughter after doing all this for me (I assume for free) and you can get your own dinner now you're too knackered to cook."

I think people are missing that he was, smarmy ? OP

I can see how it could make you feel hmmm.After my dd father and I split and thank God for that, he came over to put a bed desk combo together. I bought some sandwiches and we all ate. But it meant nothing it was just time to eat so we did. I wouldn't worry to much unless you see other signs too.

The only part I agree with is walking into your house without knocking. He’s obviously dedicated to you if he walked 3 miles after working all day on the house, which is tiring.

He sounds like a good man with the right priorities. You sound like you’re trying to find issues as you’re narked he has spent time with his ex to be honest. And his daughter and all around her should be the most important relationship of his life.

How can you arrograntly make a cup of tea?? And you're changing the reasons why you're pissed off at him now, it's confusing. And you say it's a very new relationship and yet admit your child needs the break from him sometimes - maybe you've moved far too quickly op!

Well no wonder he had dinner with his ex if he can’t even make a cup of tea at yours.

I think had he gone there for a takeaway and to watch the football then it would be weird.

If it was the child's birthday or a special occasion, then not so weird but I would expect you to be invited to if you've been in his life a reasonable amount of time.

In this case what I see was he was doing a job for her and she fed him as a thank you. In isolation I don't think it's a big deal but I would be weighing up the bigger picture. Do they spend a lot of time together? Chat everyday on the phone?

I'm all for amicable co parenting but there does need to be a realisation that things are over and they are no longer together. Playing happy families together is no longer part of the deal (especially if he expects a new relationship with someone else) and in my view just confuses children further. Dad needs his life, mum needs hers.

I understand why your upset but I do think they need to look at the bigger picture.

He probably felt proud of his job well done

Yabu it's ok that she fed him while he was doing diy for her and their child. However if you are generally worried and have picked up on other clues that they might be romantic with each other then that's a different issue

I hear what you're saying, OP.

I had an XP who would say 'how high?' when his ex said 'jump'. They had DC who he saw regularly and he also maintained the house that his XP owned with her now DH. They were never married. He also had a very close female friend that he regularly went out with.

I had a male friend, but apparently I was cheating.

We were together for about 3yrs but he decided I was cheating at the same time I was diagnosed with a chronic condition.

Anyway, I'm rambling! But I hear you!

You seem not to have gotten the validation you wanted on what you perceived as your partner doing wrong (having a takeout with his ex after doing some work at her house) so now you have changed tack to a whole different complaint (walking into your house and making a cuppa with an overly confident air).

You sound like hard work THB.

If he’s such a new partner that he shouldn’t be walking into your house without waiting to be invited, maybe he’s too new for you to be getting up in arms about him helping out and spending a little time with his child’s mother.