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Original poster

Bridesmaid drama

59 replies

FarmersWife11 · 25/05/2024 22:24

So a month ago I was bridesmaid for a friend, she was one of my bridesmaids a couple of years ago and so naturally we invited her then bf, now dh for the wedding as well.
We have been friends a fairly long time but don’t see eachother loads, keep in touch via messages but our circles of friends wouldn’t overlap at all.
When she was wedding planning, she said the ceremony was going to be v small, so none of the bridesmaids partners could be there. I was slightly worried because I didn’t know anybody else there other than the bride and groom but said that was totally fine of course. We then left the ceremony and went to another venue for lunch where it transpired one of the other 2 bridesmaids boyfriends was invited so was waiting for her, the other bridesmaid didn’t have a partner but knew all the mutual friends who were there for the lunch. I knew the bride and groom and nobody else.
I ended up sitting in my own with a drink after lunch, unable to barge in on anybodies conversation, watching all the couples who all knew eachother mingling and felt myself getting upset, at this point I popped outside and got some fresh air and spoke to my dh briefly, got more upset explaining the situation to him and decided to quietly slip away.
A couple of weeks after the wedding the bride and I had messaged a few times but I can’t deny I was a bit hurt by her not inviting my dh for the lunch, she knows him, we’ve been together 12 years and it would have made such a huge difference to my day to have had someone there for me in a room full of strangers. So the messages were a bit strained and she then asked if I was okay, I very carefully worded a message explaining why I was a bit upset, one of our partners was invited but not mine etc, not confrontational but she replied rather abruptly. I then replied again and said it was all water under the bridge I was just a little upset on the day when the other bridesmaid told me in the say back for the lunch that her bf was back there. She’s now not replied for about 10 days.
YABU- I should message again and apologise.
YANBU - it was a bit thoughtless and unkind to not invite my dh

Thanks to anyone who got this far 🙌🏼

OP posts:
gindreams · 26/05/2024 04:23

What a ghastly way to treat a friend ! Are you always so dramatic and selfish?

theGooHasGone · 26/05/2024 03:39

This reply has been deleted

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RoseGoldEagle · 26/05/2024 03:34

Would it honestly have been that awful to just make a bit of slightly awkward small talk with a few people for a few hours, have a couple of drinks and then go home, for the sake of your very close friends wedding? I get it wouldn’t have been the most enjoyable evening ever, but to actually not be able to cope with it to the extent that you left? I think that was really quite rude honestly. You weren’t on holiday with these people for a week, it was a few hours!

milesmachine · 26/05/2024 03:11

Sorry but I think YABU and very rude actually. I'd be quite upset if I was your friend

She explained beforehand that it was a small wedding (so you would have known you'd have to make some small talk on the day) and I'd imagine they therefore had quite a tight budget. The cost of an extra guest isn't to be sniffed at

She's also explained that the partner of the other bridesmaid was friend to both the bride and groom so not just a 'plus one' the same way your DH is

If she extended the invite to your DH I'd imagine she also felt she'd have to tag a plus one onto the third bridesmaid

I would have sucked it up for my friend on her (hopefully) once in a lifetime day and made small talk. Presumably you had some shared experiences (hen do?) with the other bridesmaids?

Leaving without saying anything was a massive over reaction

I think you owe your friend an apology

Mamai100 · 26/05/2024 02:49

She should have invited your DH, especially as you didn't know anyone else. I think that was really bad form on her part.

You shouldn't have left without saying goodbye either, that was bad form on your part, it was rude.

You could text to apologise if you want to salvage the friendship but it's clear she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. Did she not even invite your DH to the evening do?

Original poster
FarmersWife11 · 26/05/2024 02:38

I should have said that when I left the evening guests had mostly all arrived, so there were a lot more people by this point, she wouldn’t have noticed when I left.
My messages weren’t PA, i think she noticed I was a bit quieter than usual but I was quite upset by the whole day, there were a few other little things that happened on the say which I felt were a bit unkind, I had been mulling this all over and was still bothered by it two weeks later, hence mentioning it to her.

OP posts:
Juliet194 · 25/05/2024 22:45

Although you may have been hurt, it was very rude to leave her wedding reception without saying goodbye. Really rude considering it was a small reception.

So the messages were a bit strained and she then asked if I was okay, I very carefully worded a message explaining why I was a bit upset, one of our partners was invited but not mine etc, not confrontational but she replied rather abruptly.

Sounds like you were being passive aggressive with your messages, she directly asked if you were okay and then addressed your issue; the other partner was invited because he is also friends with the groom. Not because he is the partner of the other bridesmaid. Though tbh she can invite who she wants to her wedding and doesn't owe you an explanation.

You've come across quite childish, rude and petty tbh.

If you value your friendship, then I would apologise.

If you don't, then let it go.

Original poster
FarmersWife11 · 25/05/2024 22:32

That she had told me partners could not come and the other bridesmaid’s bf was a friend of both bride and groom so that was why.

OP posts:
MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 25/05/2024 22:27

What was her reasoning/ her response to the message?

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