Bridesmaid drama

I can't imagine being someone's bridesmaid, and not knowing anyone there? Seems strange to not know the brides family, even vaguely enough to make small talk!

Tbh saying something after the event was pretty pointless.

It’s sad that you struggled to be alone for the day but you could have said prior to the actual day.

You have made it about you.

Sulking is not a good look.
I’d contact your friend, apologise and move on.

It seems like your main problem is the fact that the other bridesmaids partner was there. YABU. You don't know the dynamics of their relationships with other people and sulking and bringing it up weeks later is just silly.

I agree, and ‘her wedding her rules’ does not trump basic good manners…one of the biggest rules which often seems to be forgotten with modern weddings, is the comfort of your guests

YABU. You were a bridesmaid at a wedding and left without saying goodbye because no one was talking to you. Yeah it's not ideal but there are times where you have to put the big girl pants on and suck it up, this is one of those times. If it was that bad you should have made an excuse that you were feeling really unwell or something, really not cool to just disappear and then get the hump about it.

I wouldn’t message again and apologize. You’ve already apologized, and it doesn’t sound like you said anything inappropriate.
if a friend asks you what is wrong, and doesn’t want to hear an uncomfortable truth about how you’re feeling, and can’t let it go even when you say , oh well, water under the bridge, she’s not much of a friend, I’m afraid.

we all have moments when we’re feeling bad, and things could have gone better, or been planned better/ more fairly. You should be able to express that it was hard for you to sit there all alone - and be heard.

its not like she could fix anything now, of course, but she could have said something like - that sucks, I’m sorry, I didn’t intend it to be that way, etc.

I would just let her be in her silence, OP. You didn’t say anything wrong. Continuing to apologize would just be a sort of groveling, and really, what is there to apologize for? Having feelings? You don’t need to apologize for feeling a bit sad.

For married people the default is to invite the couple. She was very rude to plan a day she knew one of her guests would find most of the day with people she didn't know, not everyone can happily chat to strangers.

'unable to barge in on anybodies conversation'

You chose to sit there like a lemon instead of engaging with others.

Introducing yourself is not barging in and people probably thought you were stand offish or in a mood by your sitting there looking glum.

The bride was upfront with you and you took umbrage.

YABU, surely you can spend 1 evening of your life without your partner and make a little bit of an effort to mingle? They can invite whoever they like to their wedding, and you knew who would be there in advance - you could have declined.

Even if it was really bad, it was ok to leave but there was absolutely no need to sulk and tell her about it days after. How would you feel if someone came and told you they really had a shit day at your wedding?

Was your DH not invited to the evening do?

When you left, did you speak with the bride and let her know you were going? If you didn't then that's really rude of you.

I don't understand why she didn't even invite your dh to the evening party. Tbh it's basic etiquette to invite the spouse or partner of a couple to a wedding I was always taught. Though I'm in Ireland where not inviting would be very rare

There's a lot of mean comments here. Fair enough the bride informed OP of the plan but it is odd she wouldn't invite her partner of 12 years who she would know surely. Especially if you are her bridesmaid, I'm getting married in August have 4 bridesmaids and all of their partners are invited. It's abit unfair to leave one out but invite the other, I'd definitely feel put out too whether she explained or not. Personally I couldn't do that to my friend.

It’s not that small a wedding if they have 3 bridesmaids and nighttime guests. I’d be asking if she likes your DH. I’d be upset too OP.

People can be thoughtless when it comes to their wedding. I am a big believer in my party-my guest list, but I'm also a believer in everyone enjoying themselves at my party. If I know I am inviting someone who knows absolutely nobody other than me, and I'm likely to not be able to take much notice of them on the day I will always invite them to bring someone along with them. It's not like they don't know your husband. She was bridesmaid at his wedding!!

I think it was bad form on her part. I think she's now not talking to you because you called her out and she realises it was a dick move.

The other bf being invited shouldn't be an issue,he's a mutual friend. But your DH should have been invited.

You knew the score before you went. Yes it was uncomfortable but not the end of the world. Your reaction is over the top, you were rude and then you’ve carried it on. I’d apologise and hope your friend forgives you.

If you didn’t want to go to a wedding without your DH, and I think that’s fine, you should have turned her down when she invited you. I tend to think weddings, on the whole, should recognise the role partners play in people’s lives - it’s kind of the point of the institution - so it seems churlish to me not to invite partners (and children!). But if someone invites me solo I’m not going to say yes and then spend my time feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t get a +1.

Her reason for inviting the other BM’s partner is perfectly valid, it fits in with what she told you about the day and does not indicate unfavourable treatment of you in comparison. So the sulking and leaving without saying goodbye were uncalled for. Having been rude on the day, when you found this out you should have been a bit embarrassed about your reaction and behaviour, really. It was kind of childish.

Of course we all like to know people in a setting like that and it’s a bit awkward to make small talk with others you don’t know and probably won’t see again. But it’s just a few hours of your life and you were there to support your friend in something that was incredibly important to her. I think you lost sight of that.

I don't think you need to apologise - you honestly and carefully explained your feelings to her, so now she knows why your messages were a bit strained.
If it genuinely is 'water under the bridge' though (which it may not have felt like to your friend, given that you were still upset after the event) I think you need to avoid mentioning it again & try to move on, unless it's part of a pattern of uncaring behaviour from your friend that needs to be addressed in a bigger way.

I don’t understand the complete inability to so socialize at a wedding. The main topic of conversation is right there. yYou eat, drink, and go home.

Bad form by your ‘friend’ for you to be a bridesmaid and it is a big deal - your comfort also matters. Bit neglectful to ignore your partner on the day when others were invited. Unless they have a personal issue with him (which they could’ve explained)
You’re allowed to feel hurt.

I wouldn't expect my friend to come alone to an event they knew nobody at. I don't think that's kind. Being alone in a room full of people who all know eahcother sounds like absolute hell. It's not about making small talk even, they'll be having their own conversations not wanting to small talk with a random. I'd hate every second. Other people don't stop having feelings just becuase it's your wedding.

Saying it’s all water under the bridge only to then in the same message tell her why it’s not water under the bridge is an immature and passive aggressive way of dealing with it. You should have just said nothing or been clear.