Bridesmaid drama

Weddings are such a catalyst for breaking relationships IME.

I knew a woman who had such a massive tantrum at her brother's wedding (because she was not sitting on 'top' table) that he had to spend a portion of his wedding day trying to mollify her.

But a bridesmaid being invited without her partner is just too weird. Unless it was like Covid conditions.

Have you still not had a reply to your last text OP? @FarmersWife11

You can't not invite a bridesmaid's partner - that sucks

The bride really does sound selfish. I wonder if the friendship has run its course?

I'd have left too.

I would be okay if actually it's a small ceremony with say 20 of us who then do lunch then mingle then home.

But it was small. Then more for lunch, then more for evening and your partner wasn't deemed worthy for any of that. And you only realise that on the day.

The mingling bit post lunch pre evening guests arriving is always boring as heck even with a partner there, far worse if you don't know anyone. Least at lunch you have an assigned group to talk to.

I wouldn’t message her again tbh, it’s up to her.

Your friend is being unreasonable. She should have invited your DH, you were her bridesmaid after all and knew no one else there, while another bridesmaids BF was invited. I’d be livid. I think you’ve been rather calm tbh.

'it would have made such a huge difference to my day to have had someone there for me'

But it wasn't your day, your DH wasn't invited and you knew this in advance. If you are really so co-dependent that you need your DH with you at all times then surely it would have been wiser to have declined the invite. I would imagine most adults are capable of making it though a lunch without having to leave to have a cry down the phone to their partners and then leaving completely.

As her bridesmaid, she’ll have noticed you left. As much as I completely understand you found it an awkward experience I’d just apologise as it was a huge event in her life and just a one off awkward day for you and not worth loosing a friend over. Also it sounds like a reasonable reason for the other boyfriend being there.

I think you both sound rude to be honest. Especially when she moved the goal posts about partners being invited. Not even inviting your husband to the evening part is a bit much. Then you sidled off early

Very odd. I'm single so I've got through a few awkward situations on my own, but given that she had just been to your wedding, and you were her bridesmaid and the other bridesmaids were allowed to bring their plus one, it was odd.

Some people, I've realised, they are so warm and obliging and generous to people while they're trying to win them over, but later, they take people for granted.

There's unreasonableness on both sides, but I think a bridesmaid sneaking off home half way through the day without saying goodbye to the Bride & Groom is more unreasonable on balance. It's extremely rude.

Have you never attended anything on your own before? I often go to work related events where I don't know a soul and just have to put discomfort aside and make some small talk. At a wedding it starts with 'doesn't the bride look beautiful' or 'lovely venue isn't it?' or 'what a relief the rain held off! How do you know the Bride & Groom?'.

What all day? You’re expected to talk about the couple all day to people you don’t know? Sounds like hell to me.

I cannot understand how she thought it would be okay to invite one bridesmaids boyfriend but not the other bridesmaids husband, when she was bridesmaid at your wedding! She’s very rude. I am sorry your friendship has deteriorated over this but it doesn’t sound like it was in a great place before. I’d let it just die a quiet death now I think op.

This not giving a plus one seems incredibly rude, especially a bridesmaid. Trotting out 'her wedding her choice' is an excuse to cover poor manners.

DO NOT APOLOGISE!!!

Sorry OP, but you sound like a pathetic people pleaser and you need to stop apologising for wanting others to treat you with a modicum of respect.

I wouldn’t be bothered myself about not knowing anyone as I attended a wedding recently on my own as DH was too poorly and so joined in and chatted to various groups of people standing around. But I’m not you.

In your shoes and already feeling awkward, I would have left as soon possible knowing that the bride had invited the other bridesmaid’s boyfriend but not your husband. That was a dick move on her part especially as you were her bridesmaid and not just a normal guest and she and her DP had attended your wedding together.

I’d be cooling this friendship as it’s all about what she wants and she clearly doesn’t care about your feelings at all, given her response afterwards. I guarantee that this won’t have been a one-off. People like her always prioritise themselves especially when they know you’re a push over and won’t push back.

You feel what you feel about it.

Not everyone is a social butterfly and can just easily make small talk with strangers. Especially strangers who all already know each other and form "groups."

Some people have social anxiety and pretend as you might that it's as easy as "ripping off an Elastoplast," to mingle with others-this isn't the case for everyone. Some people really struggle and feel incredibly awkward and like they're barging into people's conversations where others would just see it as a normal form of interaction.

Not everyone is built the same-and it's pure ignorance to pretend that they are.

I do think that the bride and groom have absolute right to choose who attends their wedding-however, I also think it's a bit remiss to not invite your DH to the lunch or at least the evening do if they've invited the partner of another of the bridesmaids. Especially when the rule was allegedly "no partners."

It's also a little bit off that the bride would likely have known you didn't know anyone-and it sounds from what you've posted-you're not the type to strike up conversations with just anyone-and not try and factor that into her guest list. As much as I do think it's her wedding, her choice-factoring in the comfort of your guests should also be a priority.

That said, it's done now-and it can't be changed-so what do you do going forward? You can either stew on it and allow it to ruin your friendship-or if you value your friendship and consider this to have been an oversight on her part-(weddings are stressful to plan and sometimes-that can mean things get overlooked) what can be done to put it right?

If you value your friendship, try and let this go. She obviously values you as a friend-and maybe because you seemed happy to go along with it as it was-she didn't think it would be an issue. It just seems a bit much to continue to let this fester when nothing can be done about it now.

If you don't value the friendship, leave everything as is and let the friendship go.

As much as I understand your upset, I don't think it's sufficient cause to ruin a friendship over.

I think this is one of those things you need to suck up and get over. It was her wedding day and she deserves to remember it without you casting a downer on it. Technically you've already done that though. I would apologise and tell her what a beautiful day it was and hope she gets past you tarnishing her wedding memory.

I think there's two sides to this really... but mostly YANBU

She absolutely 100% should have given you a plus one. Not because I think everyone should get one, but because you didn't know anybody else. Also I think it's fair to give +1 to bridal party as they usually invest a lot in your day and they're VIPs...and that's even if they haven't met your partner. She obviously had met yours so there's that too!

So I think she was unfair there.

I was going to say beyond that it was your fault for going to the wedding, however I see that you were misled into thinking you would be able to stick with the bridesmaids who also did not have +1.
In fact one did, and finding this out on the day, on the spot, left you unable process the disappointment/hurt privately. It also stopped you being able to make a decision to decline. Furthermore it sounds like neither bridesmaid tried to include you and 'look after you' the way they really should have if they knew people and you didn't, and if they saw you on your own.
So all of that is really rubbish.

I do think once finding yourself in that awkward and hurtful situation you should have done your best to mingle despite everything. It's easy for me to say that though because I'm socially confident, and I guess maybe you're not as much? It doesn't sound like you are (which is fair enough). I know many people don't want to just walk up to a crowd of strangers and chat. And even I would be put off if they weren't receptive to me very quickly.

I think everything you did is fair enough and you haven't done anything wrong UNTIL you left without saying goodbye. I think that was too far. I think you should apologise for that profusely and make sure you do say you enjoyed the wedding etc, but just explain that you felt a tad uncomfortable socially towards the end so after a really lovely day you felt it was time to leave and didn't want to draw any attention so slipped away but you regret it now and you're very sorry if it's caused any offence etc.

Brides are usually quite anxious after their wedding reflecting on it all and wondering if people had a nice time etc. There's often a big come down and a touch of low mood.. so hearing there was drama with her bridesmaid and they maybe didn't have a nice day or have fallen out with her is really just the last thing she needs right now and will tarnish what is supposed to be a cherish special memory to last a lifetime. If you attach yourself in a negative way to that memory it's really going to be the kiss of death for the friendship (maybe already too late) because she will never forget and it's pretty cruel to tarnish the memory

I ended up doing hair for a friend of a friend's very small wedding once. When I got there the bride had had a couple of people cancel and invited me to come to the wedding as she didn't want it to look like there were multiple empty spaces. I said yes as it was a nice gesture. I literally didn't know anyone INCLUDING the bride and groom, other than my friend who was a bridesmaid and therefore was away from me for large portions of the day. I had a great time, but I also made the effort to approach people and talk to the them. Did you actually try interacting with people or did you just sit there and get offended that they were wrapped up in other conversations?

I still feel awful about a friend I invited to my wedding who didn’t have a partner but she didn’t know anyone. I should have given her a plus one to bring her sister or another friend in hindsight.

I don’t think it was very thoughtful of your friend. I would leave it, depends if your bothered by the loss of her friendship

I think you were being unreasonable. It was no plus ones but the other bridesmaids boyfriend wasn't a plus one, he was a friend of the bride and groom.
I think it was unfortunate that you couldn't find anyone to talk too.

I don't think the bride and groom did anything wrong.

YABU. It was up to you to mingle and chat. It sounds like you sat on your own and sulked all afternoon. Not saying goodbye is dreadful.