Page 2 | Another mum telling my child off

WarriorPrincess24 · 2024-05-25T19:33:54+00:00

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU? Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

ageratum1 · 27/05/2024 06:03

I am guessing the other mum took hold of your ds to move him away from her dd so he didn't hit her again!
If you are going to let your dc climb up a slide you have to expect someone is going to collide with them
What was the age rating? Usually under 2s have t heir own part

pineapplesundae · 27/05/2024 03:28

This right here!

Elphamouche · 27/05/2024 00:27

If my 6/7 year old crashed into a 2 year old and was hit by them, they would have been told it was their own fault for not waiting and crashing into the 2 year old! Quick cuddle and get on with it. Apology to the parent of the 2 year old for crashing, expecting an apology back for the hitting. Quick eye roll and “kids” and back to the day!

Hope your little one is okay OP xx

Lilysienna1 · 27/05/2024 00:22

I wouldn’t have told the 2 year old off, but I would have had words with you… especially with the added info.. your child is only 2 so they need close supervision as it is, but with the added suspected additional needs and the knowledge you have that of his lack of understanding (which to be honest, is also the same of most 2 year olds) I would expect closer supervision. The fact you were not close enough to get there by the time the other mother had grabbed your child, suggests you were not close enough.

that still doesn’t justify the other mum though, who was totally in the wrong. But a 2 year old is not responsible for their actions, you are.

Maray1967 · 27/05/2024 00:15

Nottherealslimshady · 25/05/2024 20:39

What an utter bitch! She should have told her kid to be more careful of the smaller children.

But you also should have supervising your 2 year old much more closely. He shouldn't have had to hit her. She shouldn't have been able to crash into him becuase you should have been right there protecting him.

This. You should have been right next to him.

MyTherapistSaidImAnAdult · 26/05/2024 23:53

So your nearly 2 year old gets slammed into on the slide and then shoved.... he's well within his rights to fight back and defend himself.

ScroogeMcDuckling · 26/05/2024 23:03

we take our children to these sorts of places to socialise and there will always be bullies in these places.

She didn’t expect a two year old to stand his ground and give as good as he was given by her - did she - that’s why the dramatics on her part -

In effect he is only child, and when Mummy and Daddy know exactly what he wants, when he wants it, talking can come a lot slower sometimes,

I wish you luck, and I know it’s wrong to say this, thank you fir the little chuckle it gave me.

croydon15 · 26/05/2024 22:49

He is only 2 the other woman was well out of order touching your child and letting her daughter in the baby section, she's the one who needs to supervise her child so she doesn't hurt little one.
I would probably reacted like you OP.

Helengreggregson · 26/05/2024 22:18

You are not being unreasonable. This was an older child and she crashed into your dc who is only two(not even)At that age they can lash out and hit because they don’t understand and that is normal. Older children should be taught to keep an eye on younger children in play centres and be gentle. However accidents do happen and I don’t blame the older child either. My child is 3(almost 4) and I watch him like a hawk around smaller kids to make sure he is gentle around them. Sorry but how dare she speak to another persons young child(who is more or less a baby) like that.

Jeannie88 · 26/05/2024 22:03

Tospyornottospy · 25/05/2024 20:50

YANBU in that the other mother was out of line.

but the ASD and developmental delay stuff is totally irrelevant. No one should be letting their children hit other children, delay or not. You need to be properly helicoptering him - I know MN hate that but that age are unpredictable and need close attention.

I agree, with a child with ASD I was inches behind him at every moment to avoid these situations. Years later I was watching every move, sip a bit of coffee, but go back to standing g nearby. X

Jeannie88 · 26/05/2024 21:58

No she shouldn't have done that. He's 2 for goodness sake, she's 5 years older and instigated the event. I mean really, a toddler slap 😳 Some kids do tend be dramatic, especially girls (don't shoot me down, just my experience!) and parents of girls more protective. Also, when my dc were 2 I would be in there with them because of this, older kids don't notice them and they're vulnerable. Xx

Original poster

WarriorPrincess24 · 26/05/2024 21:45

jannier · 26/05/2024 21:44

It's an odd soft play if 6 year olds are allowed in areas for under 3s was he in the right section?
Under 2s often lash out it's life they need close supervision and explainations even without any SEND

He was deffo in the under 3 bit. Purely because I didn't want him getting knocked down by bigger kids.

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jannier · 26/05/2024 21:44

It's an odd soft play if 6 year olds are allowed in areas for under 3s was he in the right section?
Under 2s often lash out it's life they need close supervision and explainations even without any SEND

Mostlycarbon · 26/05/2024 21:44

WarriorPrincess24 · 26/05/2024 21:41

Sometimes I think it's in my head and he is just a lazy boy but then other times I'm certain something is a miss.
He doesn't say hardly any words despite me spending all day talking to him and playing and showing him things etc. He doesn't wave, he doesn't point, he won't look in the direction if I point, he won't answer me most of the time when I call his name, if he gets upset or tired he will lt his hands over his ears. He purposefully head butts walls, or me. He has very short attention span in the way that we've never sat and read a book because he gets bored and wanders off. He can't/won't follow a simple command. We've made progress on some things for example if I put my hand out to him he will grab it when going outdoors etc so I'd say he's deffo got some sort of delay

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I hope he and you get the support you need to move forward.

Original poster

WarriorPrincess24 · 26/05/2024 21:41

Mostlycarbon · 26/05/2024 21:36

That makes sense. I'm over sensitive about this because they did my son's literally on his birthday and told me he is delayed but I really don't think he is!

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Sometimes I think it's in my head and he is just a lazy boy but then other times I'm certain something is a miss.
He doesn't say hardly any words despite me spending all day talking to him and playing and showing him things etc. He doesn't wave, he doesn't point, he won't look in the direction if I point, he won't answer me most of the time when I call his name, if he gets upset or tired he will lt his hands over his ears. He purposefully head butts walls, or me. He has very short attention span in the way that we've never sat and read a book because he gets bored and wanders off. He can't/won't follow a simple command. We've made progress on some things for example if I put my hand out to him he will grab it when going outdoors etc so I'd say he's deffo got some sort of delay

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Mostlycarbon · 26/05/2024 21:36

WarriorPrincess24 · 26/05/2024 21:34

No sorry, they are doing his review soon but he was behind at his 12 and 18 months review so my health visitor said they will be looking to intervene and get some more support because they are concerned with the concerns I have reported to them. We also go the the children's centre to a play group and he goes to a small targeted group for children with emerging needs ( arranged by healthy family team)

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That makes sense. I'm over sensitive about this because they did my son's literally on his birthday and told me he is delayed but I really don't think he is!

Mnk711 · 26/05/2024 21:35

I agree also with @RubySloth re protecting your child, my petite then 18 month old was repeatedly hit and kicked by two older boys (6 or so?) who weren't being supervised and were behaving like absolute hellions. I dread to think what would have happened if i hadn't been right there to shout at them and tell them they were not allowed in the baby area. If this is the first time your DS has been in the soft play area abd he's already had an incident then clearly there will be more and it is worth you being closer - close enough to man handle aggressive mum if necessary.

Original poster

WarriorPrincess24 · 26/05/2024 21:34

Mostlycarbon · 26/05/2024 21:30

They did his 2 year review before he's even 2 and said he's behind? No wonder! Some kids don't have them until months after they're 2!

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No sorry, they are doing his review soon but he was behind at his 12 and 18 months review so my health visitor said they will be looking to intervene and get some more support because they are concerned with the concerns I have reported to them. We also go the the children's centre to a play group and he goes to a small targeted group for children with emerging needs ( arranged by healthy family team)

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Mostlycarbon · 26/05/2024 21:30

WarriorPrincess24 · 25/05/2024 20:47

Just to add he's not quite two, he will be two in four weeks time.

They did his 2 year review before he's even 2 and said he's behind? No wonder! Some kids don't have them until months after they're 2!

RubySloth · 26/05/2024 21:29

I think you were both in the wrong.

You should have been at arms length to your child especially when you know he can't communicate well and you would have been close enough to tell the girl its under 3s. Obviously the other mum should be making sure her daughter is in the correct area

Everyone loses their cool in those places, my child was stamped on by two kids and I completely lost it, the mother had no control over her child and I really wanted to stamp on her - those places give you the rage because no-one parents and think its a place for kids to be feral. It was the one and only time I've been.

Original poster

WarriorPrincess24 · 26/05/2024 21:26

Frangipanyoul8r · 26/05/2024 21:21

If you have a reactive and physical under 2 year old, you need to be in there with him in arms reach. You just can’t sit back and watch from afar for exactly this reason sorry. Both to protect your child and to protect others. I’ve been there, people will judge you for being a “helicopter parent” but your child needs you with him.

Yes I've said several times that in hindsight it would have been best to be in there with him at the time.

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RacketsAndRounders · 26/05/2024 21:25

WarriorPrincess24 · 26/05/2024 21:23

Because no one will tell me how to parent my child. I came here for advice about my reaction to the other mother not people's opinions on my parenting style. I've explained the reasons he was in there and how far away I was etc but for some reason though ppl will find fault with that and that's okay. Doesn't mean I have to agree with that. Yes he is still a baby. He was withing my eye line, I was not far away, at the edge of the frame. I could see him. He was fine and playing happily. I don't see an issue with allowing him to independent play and allowing him to build his confidence especially since this was the first time he had the confidence to even ever the soft play area. So no I'm not ignoring it, I just don't necessarily agree the perspectives of people like you acting like I dropped him off and came back an hour later! Who are you or anyone to judge me as a parent based on this snippet of an incident. I'm sure your the parent of the year. Give yourself a pat on the back. I can't b that bad of a parent if he's made it to 2 years old unscathed!
Give it a rest.

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He has made it to 2 so far and not exactly unscathed if he was so upset by the incident you descrive, which was entirely avoidable and occurred on your watch.

Original poster

WarriorPrincess24 · 26/05/2024 21:23

Babyboomtastic · 26/05/2024 21:18

Why are you repeatedly ignoring the posts saying that you need to be in the frame with him. He's still a baby, he's nowhere near the age you can sit at a table outside yet.

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Because no one will tell me how to parent my child. I came here for advice about my reaction to the other mother not people's opinions on my parenting style. I've explained the reasons he was in there and how far away I was etc but for some reason though ppl will find fault with that and that's okay. Doesn't mean I have to agree with that. Yes he is still a baby. He was withing my eye line, I was not far away, at the edge of the frame. I could see him. He was fine and playing happily. I don't see an issue with allowing him to independent play and allowing him to build his confidence especially since this was the first time he had the confidence to even ever the soft play area. So no I'm not ignoring it, I just don't necessarily agree the perspectives of people like you acting like I dropped him off and came back an hour later! Who are you or anyone to judge me as a parent based on this snippet of an incident. I'm sure your the parent of the year. Give yourself a pat on the back. I can't b that bad of a parent if he's made it to 2 years old unscathed!
Give it a rest.

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RacketsAndRounders · 26/05/2024 21:23

WarriorPrincess24 · 26/05/2024 21:12

Again, of you read the thread properly you will see that he was in the under 3 section.. your opinion doesn't matter to me when you can't be bothered to read the thread properly.

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I missed that one post. But if there were 7 year olds in a bit that they shouldn't have been I wouldn't have sat on my backside drinking a coffee with my husband, I would have been telling management and, regardless, been in there with him.

Rights and wrongs aside, he could have been seriously injured in that environment and had he lost an eye or something, it wouldn't be fixed by placing blame. Its his actual safety that matters.

As you saw, by not being there, he had a horrible experience by another mum. Which she was completely out of order for, but that's not much comfort to your son is it?

Frangipanyoul8r · 26/05/2024 21:21

If you have a reactive and physical under 2 year old, you need to be in there with him in arms reach. You just can’t sit back and watch from afar for exactly this reason sorry. Both to protect your child and to protect others. I’ve been there, people will judge you for being a “helicopter parent” but your child needs you with him.