To feel that supportive relationships are a form of privilege

Firstly, contact the IVF people. Make sure that you don’t have hyperstimulation. It can be a problem.
secondly, privilege was the wrong word, but even with that, you don’t know if anyone else goes home to a partner that beats them or belittles or controls them. What you see in public is not the whole story. Sometimes the grass is not greener. Gently, maybe you need to step back and work on your headspace before you go again. Make sure that you’re deciding to go it alone for the right reasons. It’s a big decision made on behalf of your future child. And I say this as a fully supportive mother of a daughter who has gone down this track and a proud grandmother of her offspring.

Goodness, I think some of these responses are a bit harsh. I think everyone has all kinds of privileges and hardships. It's okay to feel sad about what you don't have, even if you're privileged in other ways. I'm sorry you're struggling, and that the op didn't go as planned. That sounds like a lot.

Have you heard of the podcast Not By Accident? The presenter takes you through her whole journey of conceiving her daughter as a single woman, and it's fantastic - open, honest and so full of heart.

Agree.

I hear you too same over here. I’m the only single one in my entire workplace & im so tired of hearing about their smugly happy marriages & doting husbands & their regular holidays together.
Having said that men are annoying and there’s a lot I don’t miss 😄

You don’t know what’s going on in their lives, you are only seeing a short preview.

To many people you are privileged, having the chance to go through multiple rounds of IVF. Not everyone is able to do that. You’ve chosen to do this.

You are already complaining about not having a partner, how will you feel if you have a baby?

Wow just wow that’s all I’m going to say I will let someone else explain the irony of your post because I have neither the time nor the crayons to want to explain it to you.

Absolutely this. Good fortune or advantage or luck are all "privilege" now, which always carries the implication that there is something the person in question should do to, essentially, apologise for having it. The word has its appropriate applications, but this isn't one of them - especially seeing how shit relationships often are for women, and how we're socialised to put on a smiling face and think it's our own fault when men are abusive or just lousy partners.

Yabu re privilege- whilst I agree that people have advantages, through luck usually, and these things feel unfair - I think that the current use which has been academically driven and ideologically abused is not good for anyone's mindset imo.

Em, then go out, attempt to spend some years finding a decent partner and see how privileged you feel.
A few years later, you'll either give up for a while or have found someone who's somewhat trying with you. And then the hard work begins.
Those falling into the relationship you described with no effort, incredibly rare

No matter our life circumstances we all have problems and fortunes. My problem may be minuscule to someone else, but it is still my problem and I think it is rude when people tell you not to feel a certain way because “I should be grateful”. At the same time there are things in my life I am forever grateful for.

Nobody has the same path. Our life are a mixture of choices and circumstances - some in our control and some beyond our control.

You have many privileges- for starters, access to health care; clearly income for IVF ;(many can’t even afford this option); I’m guessing you might work? Maybe you have a roof over your head - you have privileges. But you clearly also have parts in your life that may feel unfair and unlucky.

It sounds like you’ve chosen to do this alone. You don’t know what happens behind closed doors and the layers of someone’s life.

Please don’t compare your life. I really hope you get the medical help that you need. I’m guessing you will go through IVF, but please find some find to build a community around you so that you are not alone. It is difficult raising children alone. You may not need or want a man, but work on solid female friends.

I'm sorry you're lonely. It doesn't sound like you have friends either when you talk about having no support. I recommend getting some friends. They'll bring a lot to your life. If they're married they'll also burst this idea you have that all relationships are perfect! They're not. 'Soaring self confidence' just because you have a fella is utter tosh. I've never felt more confident than I did when I dumped my partner and knew I could do it alone... You are talking codswallop.

I also wouldn't embark on single parenthood personally. Different if that's how circumstances play out but you are making a choice to do this. I could've done the same but absolutely did not want to. Parenthood is not compulsory.

Ah OP. Hoping you don’t come back to this thread as I don’t think it’ll help you. And I hope you’re feeling a bit better very soon.

I do see what you mean, but also why some PPs are taking umbrage. Simply not comparing and doing what you can to make each day (sometimes hour) better is the way forward I think.

I had it easy for a bit - a wonderful loving husband, two easily conceived DC, stable family background (though I did lose a sibling as a child). I’ve now been widowed and lone parenting for 7.5 years, and eldest is ND and EXHAUSTS me. Life has been set on hard mode for over 10 years since DH’s surprise terminal cancer diagnosis.

Being resentful of those who still have what I briefly had is no help at all. What does help is finding ways to snatch moments of peace, and building connections with friends. What makes you feel better, even if it’s just a bit? Do those things instead xx

I was far lonelier in my years as a married mum than I ever was in my years as a single one.

This.

The grass isn’t always greener….

You sound very lonely.

Loneliness can be extremely painful and debilitating. It’s a mistake to believe that everyone in a relationship, or with children, is happy and not lonely. But leaving that aside, it can feel that everything around us is about family and friends and everything being easy when you have that.

I think you are very courageous to go down the path you have chosen, to have a child on your own. Whatever happens you will face many challenges. I wish you well.

I completely understand what you're saying. I was reading the initial responses agog. I'm a single mum to 3 children, 2 with additional needs, and I often look at the people around me in good relationships and think that they have it easier. Now, I've been in a very abusive relationship so I know that things may be different behind closed doors. When I take the children on holiday and hear couples arguing, I feel relieved that it's not my holiday being ruined whilst I sip my wine. I had plenty of holidays ruined.
I guess what I'm saying is, it would be nice to have some support. I always look at my sister with some envy at her perfect house, husband and shared money. I never even got to the marriage stage (thank f*ck).
I feel for my children for having such a lousy dad and I wish that I could have done things a lot differently but I'm getting by and hope for a better day in the future. I know my children adore me and will respect me when they're older. Hats off to you! I hope you find your happiness.

I know what you mean OP. I feel lucky to have my DH and he feels the same. There are particular times where we really appreciate that we have each other and feel lucky to have met each other. As you say its things like if you’re feeling poorly there’s someone there to check in on you and get you a cuppa etc…

What I think people don’t realise, is how important having stable and good parents is. I look at other people and I think I wish I had that, but instead I’ve got an abusive dad who I’m NC and my poor man drank herself in to oblivion because he was so hard work. My point is, having supportive family and partner isn’t something everyone has. Some people have no one to rely on whereas others have lots of people and that in itself is a fortunate position to be in. So I hear what you’re saying.

I posted too soon, I was going to add that you may also like to read this article from Wait But Why about finding a life partner; https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html One of the main points the author makes is that: “Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position, compared to what their situation could be.”

And this excerpt from an interview with Elizabeth Day about the story she’d been telling herself in relation to if her IVF had been successful: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5Sn9Jxvd3M/?igsh=M2lobWY2YW1jN2Z4 I’d say you’re telling yourself a story about all the positives associated with having a partner but a quick read of the Mumsnet relationships section would show you that not all relationships turn out like that!

Good luck with your IVF, I hope it works out for you and you start feeling better soon.

Also, unless your HCPs told you to expect the symptoms you're now experiencing, please go back to the hospital or clinic to be checked.

Agree.

OP - two things:

The only thing any of us has in our power to change or to improve is our perspective.

We only see the surface of anyone else's life.

Exactly. All of the things OP has said have been said many times before. Two income households have a security that single income households don’t. Having someone to take care of you when you’re sick is so comforting. And yet OP is being attacked for calling that a privilege.

If DH left, I’d have to do everything on a single income, which is pretty scary.

YABU. You have no idea of what is going on behind the façade of any one else’s relationships or fertility struggles.

Being in a relationship of any form does not denote “privilege”. Closed doors and all that.

I’m sure you have your reasons for going this alone and there not seeming to be a partner involved and they’re just that - your reasons. It doesn’t mean anyone else’s situation is any more or less privileged. You simply don’t know and nor do we.

This is a real pile on, AIBU is not the place if your looking for support during ivf. You will get very direct responses from people who have really been through it

please have a look around at other boards to find the support you are looking for

Could not disagree more!

What a nasty thread. OP, ignore them, some people can’t see beyond the end of their nose.

OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this alone.

I hope you come through this (with a baby or not) with health and happiness.