Rehoming my dog

I hope you’re doing OK, OP

Could one of your friends look after the dog for a little bit? I appreciate that might be a tough favour to ask for though.

Is the baby's father contributing financially and, if not, why not?

Ah op, I'm sorry you're going through so much and at such a vulnerable time. Even when things are straightforward having a baby is so intense and the hormones are a lot to deal with so I think you're amazing for also navigating a breakup and all that goes with it on top of that.

I agree with pps that the first step is to sit down with your hv and be really brutally honest about how you're feeling. I had bad PPA and speaking to my hv was the best thing I could have done. She helped me see that I wasn't crazy, it was totally normal, but that I didn't need to just put up with it either. If your hv isn't someone you can go to then the gp is a good option too.

I think you need to think about who is in your support network and be honest with them how you're feeling as well. If they know you're really struggling they might be more forthcoming with support and even if it's not the dog maybe it's a bit of babysitting (even in the house with you there so you can sleep or shower etc) .

If money is really tight there are some animal charities who will support you to keep your dog with you, but i realise that doesn't necessarily resolve the issue of actually caring for the dog.

Can I ask what the situation with your ex is? Is he giving you money towards your child and is he safe/willing to take on some child care or maybe dog care?

Ultimately op, you know what you can cope with and what your limits are right now. If you need to rehome your dog to be able to survive for yourself and your baby then that really is OK and you don't need anyone else's validation to do the right thing for your family.

I would contact the breeder you got her from? I know we have an agreement with ours that if for any reason we couldn't keep our dog we would go to them first. Most rescue centres have the same clause if your dog is a rescue? Many animal rescues are inundated at the moment but you could ask that they put your dog on their waiting list or that you could keep her with you until they find a suitable home so she doesn't have to go through the centre itself?

When things are this hard op it really comes down to survival and rallying your support network whatever that looks like to you. It will get easier and honestly when you come out the other side of this and look back you'll feel invincible. You're doing amazing.

Talk to your hv about how you are feeling. You and lots of changes - new baby and single.
They may be able to help with food bank referral and some carry dog food

This Is a lovely post. Very supportive and comforting

What's the breed op and where abouts are you?

I literally was in the same position as you seven years ago. I could have written your post word for word. And understand your desperation and hopelessness. And trying to make your life easier in any way you can.

I still have my dog. I love her, but my god, the stress and financial drain of having to put her in doggy day care, and get her there after I drop dd to breakfast club school whilst I work (have to be at work at 8.15 every day, and I get there by the skin of my teeth, and sometimes don't and then am late) makes me resent her.

And if I physically can't get her there (like you, absolutely zero support), then she doesn't get walked. And yes she gets left at home whilst I work if the day care is closed etc, but I have no choice in the matter.

People will come for me about that. But I have no choice, she is too old now and too much of a nightmare with other dogs to rehome. Otherwise she is very much cared for. And I am lucky that she is a small breed who doesn't mind sniffing around the garden and fetching some balls etc that I can chuck for her when I get home if she is by herself.

But if I had my time again, I would realise that I obstinately held onto the dog because I was too ashamed to admit I couldn't cope with her on top of everything else. And in hindsight, I should have rehomed her. She would probably be happier, I would be happier, without the additional responsibility/stress/financial drain. My already fucking stressful life would be far easier without having to factor her into it.

So there it is. I'll probably get shot down for this. But I do think rehoming would be for the best. Sending you love.

I'm really sorry that you are in this situation. Have you considered using a food bank? I used one last year for six months and it got me though a really tough financial period. I didn't need a referral - just emailed them to ask if they could help me and they did. I am so grateful to them. I have a dog and, like you, thought I might have to rehome her but luckily it never came to that.

Whereabouts are you OP? Perhaps some Mumsnetters local to you could bring some food, walk the dog, have a cuppa in a cafe with you, baby and dog?

This is wonderful

https://www.relovablepets.co.uk/help-for-pet-owners/temporary-care
There are places that foster dogs in the short term.
My dad volunteers to do this - he doesn't want the long term commitment but likes to have a dog around.
It might help to just have a break while you get your mental health sorted.

Please get in touch with your midwife/health visitor/GP as it sounds as though you have pnd. Let them know you're struggling with money and they will be able to offer advice re benefits etc and help with your depression.

If you have a local Facebook group ask if someone on there would volunteer to walk your dog so that he is getting exercise as that is one less thing to worry about. I wouldn't make any rash decisions about rehoming him as you may regret it.

Where abouts are you, maybe someone on here can help with charities etc if you have money worries.

Op, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have been in a similar position and know kept utterly bewilders it can be when things change so dramatically so quickly. We need you now to dig deep. Please get a pen and paper and make a plan for next week.

On Monday, please see a dr. This is essential. Tell them everything. Make an emergency appointment.

Tuesday, send a message to your close friends/parents and tell them clearly “I am struggling. I am trying to get help and need a little support.”

Wednesday, take a day to regroup and assess the progress of Monday and Tuesday.

Thursday is for money, CMS, universal credit, mortgage break. Investigate and apply. Make a list for this.

Then on Friday make a plan for the dog.

i promise that this time next month things won’t be so bad but you have to start with Monday.

Rehoming the dog won’t treat the depression. Please go to the GP or health visitor and tell them how you feel. Things will look better soon. Antidepressants were a game changer for me x

Both mine were premature and I had the same fear. We had one of the sensor mattresses with helped with that anxiety massively.

If you aren’t sleeping you’re going to feel bloody awful :(

What does your DH feel about rehoming your dog? is he pulling his weight?

Is it a pedigree? If so, contact the breed rescue who will screen potential homes rather than putting it on a random website where you’ll have no idea where the dog goes/people may not be truthful. Even if it’s part bred, contact the breed rescues.

Is the baby’s father not on the scene?

🙄

I put mine up on Preloved. I loved my dog too but I was going through a lot and it wasn't fair on her. She went to live with a lovely lady who turned out to be a vet and we keep in contact so I can see pictures of the dog.

I know you've said your parents are disabled OP, but can they help with the baby at all? If so, call them, tell them you're struggling, and are worried that you can't cope with the baby, I feel sure if they're able, they'll step in and help until you get the help that YOU need for yourself.

Bucking the trend here, I’d re-home. Imo, you need to focus on getting better and looking after yourself and your baby. Can you access family support if you need help? Would anyone take the dog so you still see it?

Does your local animal shelter have a food bank? Our animal shelter supplies food for any pet, no questions asked.
They may also be able to help with a foster home.
Please reach out to your GP (if you haven’t done so already) they will definitely be able to help you. I’m sorry you are finding things so tough. Do you have any family who can help?