Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you dry and fold your hosts' laundry?

134 replies

youdialwetile · 25/05/2024 12:04

Interesting disagreement in our house about "helping" vs "overstepping".

DH's brother is staying with us - he's on holiday. I put on a wash before heading to work one morning. Came home (finish at lunchtime) and noticed BIL's laundry is on the line. I wondered what had happened to my load (was laundry for DH and me).

I assumed BIL had taken it out the washer and left in a basket. But no - he had put it all in the dryer, then sorted and folded. Thankfully there was nothing that couldn't stand a tumble - my gym kit usually line dries but it seems ok.

I'm just feeling a bit weird about him sorting through our underwear etc. He folded pants, matched socks, made a little pile of bras etc.

AIBU? My DD16 is with me, but DH and DS13 think it's totally normal and I'm being weird. So am I?

OP posts:
PotterHead1985 · 25/05/2024 16:09

My only gripe would have been if summat shouldn't go in the dryer. Other than that, crack on.

Am I the only one wondering tho why BIL put you and DH's laundry in the dryer but chose the line for his?!?!

greengreyblue · 25/05/2024 15:58

He wanted to hang his own out so did the kind thing of taking yours down and dealing with it. Bit weird with underwear but sounds like he meant well.

StarlightLady · 25/05/2024 15:50

MrsClatterbuck · 25/05/2024 15:38

While staying with my sister I have done ironing for her including my bil underpants. It was fine.
The only thing I felt uneasy about is my washing being dried and ironed by the woman who looked after the kids and also did light housework. That felt strange but was also quite nice.

Ironing pants 😮❓

MrsClatterbuck · 25/05/2024 15:38

While staying with my sister I have done ironing for her including my bil underpants. It was fine.
The only thing I felt uneasy about is my washing being dried and ironed by the woman who looked after the kids and also did light housework. That felt strange but was also quite nice.

GrumpyPanda · 25/05/2024 15:34

If he put something into the drier against label instructions and common sense I'd be a bit annoyed. If it was a silk top or something I'd be furious. But folding underwear? Why would it bother you unless it's fetish gear?

StarlightLady · 25/05/2024 15:31

I have a pile of washing in the basket just off the line. If anyone, male or female, wants to pop over, hang or fold and put away please do so 😀.

Wolfpa · 25/05/2024 15:29

It’s a considerate thing to do. If you know someone well enough for them to be in your house on their own you know them well enough to do the washing.

My SIL has twin two year olds, I can often be found doing a wash for them.

karottybagel · 25/05/2024 15:28

Seeing them fine, touching them and goodness knows what going through is mind is a different story

Atethehalloweenchocs · 25/05/2024 15:23

Unless you came home and found him wearing your underpants, YABVU. Its just bits of cloth.

Momstermunch · 25/05/2024 15:23

Can't both things be true? He was helping and trying to be considerate but you felt a bit weird about him touching your underwear.

It doesn't have to be either weird or normal, it can be a bit of both surely? Nice of him but a bit weird for you.

PlacidPenelope · 25/05/2024 15:21

Keepthosenamesgoing · 25/05/2024 12:15

I think it was a nice thoughtful thing to do. I really don't understand people being squeamish or embarrassed about underwear. We all wear it. We know we wear it. Unless it was odd ball kink stuff... I simply can't see what there is to be embarrassed about

I agree with you, I find this squeamish attitude towards underwear weird. Like those who don't put their underwear on the washing line in case people see it - shock, horror fetch the fainting couch and smelling salts.

loropianalover · 25/05/2024 15:21

I’d be fine with this - silly and OTT reaction from PP who implies he was ‘fondling’ your knickers.

I’ve lived in house shares where sometimes you have to swap over loads when someone goes out, sometimes I’d take someone else’s clothes out of the dryer and fold them or leave them in the basket. I’ve bought bra’s in M&S and there’s a man on the till, bought thongs in Primark with a man on the till.

StarlightLady · 25/05/2024 15:16

I really have no concern about who sees my clean knickers. Similar can be seen in a couple of well known department stores.

ginasevern · 25/05/2024 15:15

I'm assuming this came from a good place. I mean, does he creep you out in any other way? Personally I wouldn't want my brother in law sorting out my pants and I would feel embarrassed by it but it's done now and unlikely to happen again.

SmudgeButt · 25/05/2024 15:14

My siblings and I are all too old and too ugly as are all of our knickers. We've seen each other in bathing suits and in our undergarments so unless it was a case of one of us having made a proper mess of our drawers I don't think anyone would be bothered. (only female in the family)

PonyPatter44 · 25/05/2024 13:44

He was trying to be nice, so it's best to accept his intentions were good. I really wouldn't mind if someone dried and folded all my laundry for me, especially as it's a job I dont enjoy!

IFollowRivers · 25/05/2024 13:40

Unless your underwear pile contained crotchless knickers and peephole bras I'd be overjoyed that someone had done it for me.

Alwaystired23 · 25/05/2024 13:35

youdialwetile · 25/05/2024 12:14

It would have been obvious it was pants, socks etc when he pulled it out the washer. So he could have opted to leave in the basket, but he chose to forge ahead, dry, and fold.

Show quote history

Maybe he thought it would look rude if he left it in a damp pile? Plus, it might start to smell being left? Can you send him to me please.

poetryandwine · 25/05/2024 13:26

This was a family member trying to help.

I also prefer to sort which of my items get line dried and which go in the tumble dryer, so I get any annoyance on that. But I would close my eyes to that and thank him sincerely.

Furrydogmum · 25/05/2024 13:21

I'd be embarrassed about anyone dealing with my knickers but only because they're huge! 😳

Original poster
youdialwetile · 25/05/2024 13:18

NippyCrab · 25/05/2024 12:56

So if you had come home and he'd used the washer for his clothes and hung his clothes out what would your post be?

"Selfish BIL left our laundry in a basket and hung his own out. The audacity."

The only one being weird is you, I can understand your DD16 being embarrassed but you're an adult. Poor man is now being hauled over the coals and being branded a knicker fondler by other posters.

No. It would not.

Again: not angry. Just having a discussion

OP posts:
BubblePerm · 25/05/2024 13:16

I did it for a Professor friend once when he was staying. He was getting pissed with my DH and I knew it was just going to get left to moulder.
He was pleased and didn't care that I'd sorted his undies, but he is German.

PickledMumion · 25/05/2024 13:16

I hate hate HATE people touching my stuff. FWIW I equally hate touching other people's stuff - I would rather get soaked to the skin than borrow someone else's coat (it might be different if it's a spare coat, but I definitely couldn't wear someone else's personal coat)

BUT I have discovered over the years that some people literally don't care. And those people don't stop to think about the first sort of person, because it just doesn't occur to them that the first type exist!

Basically, he hasn't been unreasonable or weird, but also it's not unreasonable or weird for you to ask him not to do it again.

TheEyesOfLucyJordon · 25/05/2024 13:10

Overstep as much as you like if you're at mine. If you do it, then I don't have to 😊

jannier · 25/05/2024 13:08

Do you get it flustered if a man is in the shop looking at bras when you're there? Are your knickers past their sell by date or from Love Honey ?

Swipe left for the next trending thread