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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you dry and fold your hosts' laundry?

134 replies

youdialwetile · 25/05/2024 12:04

Interesting disagreement in our house about "helping" vs "overstepping".

DH's brother is staying with us - he's on holiday. I put on a wash before heading to work one morning. Came home (finish at lunchtime) and noticed BIL's laundry is on the line. I wondered what had happened to my load (was laundry for DH and me).

I assumed BIL had taken it out the washer and left in a basket. But no - he had put it all in the dryer, then sorted and folded. Thankfully there was nothing that couldn't stand a tumble - my gym kit usually line dries but it seems ok.

I'm just feeling a bit weird about him sorting through our underwear etc. He folded pants, matched socks, made a little pile of bras etc.

AIBU? My DD16 is with me, but DH and DS13 think it's totally normal and I'm being weird. So am I?

OP posts:
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Flossyts · 15/09/2024 09:20

youdialwetile · 25/05/2024 12:14

It would have been obvious it was pants, socks etc when he pulled it out the washer. So he could have opted to leave in the basket, but he chose to forge ahead, dry, and fold.

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But wouldn’t it be rude if I’m he left it in the basket to go smelly? I think he sounds like a kind and considerate guest.

Dontmesswithmyhead · 14/07/2024 21:07

youdialwetile · 25/05/2024 12:21

I agree - my gym kit should not get tumbled. Luckily there was nothing special that couldn't tumble. I was surprised he assumed he would know the "right" way to dry it.

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Why not? I tumble mine and it remains unchanged

bananaramaterry · 27/05/2024 01:32

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice it's always the dramatic words in posters that are disagreeing

Throwing
Dumped
Stomping

Etc.

Maybe you don't favour a tumble dryer, but many do, which does not make them lazy.

pizzaHeart · 27/05/2024 01:29

I wouldn’t like it. I wouldn’t like someone’s handling my knickers and bras and would worry about tumble drying.
It’s interesting that you and DD didn’t like it but DH and DS were ok. I think male species don’t care generally who does household jobs if it’s not them .

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 27/05/2024 01:28

bananaramaterry · 27/05/2024 01:16

I'm not sure he threw it? Probably just placed it in.

Why is a tumble dryer a lazy option?

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Oh for god's sake, you know exactly what I meant with 'throw', how pathetically petty and pedantic of you.

On that basis I can't be bothered to explain to you the ins and outs of how laundry is done in my household, you'll just have to take my word for it that the tumble dryer is the least favoured and the laziest option for drying.

Chickatease · 27/05/2024 01:27

I would be absolutely delighted to have anyone sort and dry washing for me. It's an endless fucking chore and I really couldn't care less about my clean pants (if they were worn I'd feel differently)

bananaramaterry · 27/05/2024 01:16

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 27/05/2024 01:08

I would be very, very unhappy about a guest taking a load of my washing and throwing it all in the dryer. The dryer is an expensive (and lazy) emergency option and a good chunk of my clothes wouldn't survive it.

I'd put on a show of being grateful then make sure they didn't get another opportunity to do it for the rest of their trip.

I'm not sure he threw it? Probably just placed it in.

Why is a tumble dryer a lazy option?

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 27/05/2024 01:08

I would be very, very unhappy about a guest taking a load of my washing and throwing it all in the dryer. The dryer is an expensive (and lazy) emergency option and a good chunk of my clothes wouldn't survive it.

I'd put on a show of being grateful then make sure they didn't get another opportunity to do it for the rest of their trip.

MrsClatterbuck · 27/05/2024 00:28

StarlightLady · 25/05/2024 15:50

Ironing pants 😮❓

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I know but this was a good number of years ago.
Nowadays very little is ironed if anything. My mother was one of those women who ironed everything including bedding.

MalcolmTuckersSwearBox · 26/05/2024 21:32

Most replies have said he was just being thoughtful, to be fair.

MsLuxLisbon · 26/05/2024 15:08

karottybagel · 25/05/2024 12:18

It's weird. I wouldn't mind a bunch of towels or something but I wouldn't want him fondling my knickers

'Fondling'? Are you serious? My god, mumsnet misandry really is on another level. I would actually argue that shit like this is why real misogyny isn't taken seriously. It's the boy who cried wolf.

WeightoftheWorld · 26/05/2024 15:05

I'd be made up to host someone so kind! I wouldn't be arsed about underwear with such a close relative as a BIL, he's family, it's not like you're hosting one of your DH's colleagues or a mate you don't know whose done it or something.

FairFuming · 26/05/2024 15:02

Omg I'd love a house guest like that. After years of hosting my ex's family who criticised, trashed the house and ate all of the food I bought that ex somehow never got round to actually giving me his contribution for. I'm not precious about people seeing my undies though. They are hung to dry in the stairwell when it rains (it's Scotland so always raining) and I'd just appreciate the help.

If he's given you reason to find him odd or creepy in other ways then it's totally different of course .

Bigcat25 · 26/05/2024 14:11

Wouldn't your clothes have gotten mildewy if he hadn't put them on the dryer? I wouldn't mind.

StarlightLady · 26/05/2024 14:10

bananaramaterry · 26/05/2024 13:45

I know it's scary sometimes!

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Exactly, the imagination and mindset of some is not scary it’s terrifying!

Personally l couldn’t care less who sees me standing in my knickers, let alone seeing them freshly laundered in a washing basket.

OneTC · 26/05/2024 14:09

karottybagel · 25/05/2024 15:28

Seeing them fine, touching them and goodness knows what going through is mind is a different story

You're way too into this Grin

Sillystrumpet · 26/05/2024 14:03

PuppyMonkey · 25/05/2024 17:57

Oh this is giving me painful flashbacks to when DP’s mum used to look after DD at ours and she would go through our laundry baskets and wash knickers and put them all over our radiators to dry. We told her not to and she stopped doing it, but then would forget we’d told her this and would start doing it again.

i ended up hiding the laundry baskets in a locked wardrobe.Grin

I think it’s slightly icky your BIL doing this. Did he really need to do his laundry just at that particular time. I’m sure he could have waited till machine was free.

No way, what’s going on in your head you’d even think this??

Jeezitneverends · 26/05/2024 14:02

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 26/05/2024 13:33

Peak MN - helpful BIL is actually a pervert and must have only been helpful to fondle and/or steal her knickers

Thank god for some sense-I was starting to think I was missing something!

Sillystrumpet · 26/05/2024 14:01

What are you doing op? Trying to make out he is some kind of pervert gagging to touch your undies? Clearly he dried and folded as he wanted to yss the machine and didn’t wish to leave everything wet and on the side.

very kind of him, I’m sure he isn’t doing it as he’s a laundry pervert.

bananaramaterry · 26/05/2024 13:45

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 26/05/2024 13:33

Peak MN - helpful BIL is actually a pervert and must have only been helpful to fondle and/or steal her knickers

I know it's scary sometimes!

Loopytiles · 26/05/2024 13:44

He wasn’t being ‘thoughtful’ or ‘helpful’, it seems like he took the washing out of the machine because he wanted to use the washing machine for himself, at that time, rather than wait.

Then he put stuff on to tumble dry, which could’ve shrunk certain things, rather than leave it in the basked or hang it out.

roachinghell · 26/05/2024 13:40

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 25/05/2024 12:46

I would've been more peeved if he'd left screwed up wet washing in a basket so he could use the washing machine

Me too!

bananaramaterry · 26/05/2024 13:37

@karottybagel I'm sure he did! If I was OP I'd be checking his room and also logging it with 101, it would be a perfectly rationale thing to do!

🙃

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 26/05/2024 13:33

Peak MN - helpful BIL is actually a pervert and must have only been helpful to fondle and/or steal her knickers

PlacidPenelope · 26/05/2024 12:29

Jeezitneverends · 26/05/2024 09:12

I just don’t know where people’s minds go…is this really your first thought in relation to laundry?

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Only someone with a very warped mind would go there.

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