To stay at home every weekend ?

Presumably the OP and her family CAN go out if they want to, they're not locking the doors at 5pm on Friday and that's it until Monday morning. If something really fun came up, I'm sure they'd go to it, and as the kids get older, they'll be wanting to go to things and do things.

It only gets weird when you start refusing to do anything outside the home, when it's clear that the rest of the family DOES want to go to the zoo, or to aunty Sheila's barbecue, or to the summer fete in the village. But, that situation hasn't arisen yet, so just deal with it when it comes.

Yes - there was an assumption that weekends were family time when I was small, but that didn't mean kids' entertainments. It meant parents would have plans for shopping, visiting relatives, church, appointment TV (remember that!), washing the car, housework. So you didn't assume your friends were free to play - you fitted in until you were a teenager and could manage your own routine.

Sometimes we had extracurriculars but they were easier to schedule during the week. Birthday parties were the only activity scheduled for children. Sometimes we had a big outing on a Sunday, but that was normally around bank holidays or dad's time off. We went to the park and the sea several times a week, since they were nearby. But weekends were family time - and I'd have loved to have them without the trailing around shops etc.

Some extended family feel like family. They can drop in and it's still family time. Others want an occasion. Sounds like your MIL is the second type and I wouldn't compromise on relaxing at weekends for that. If there is some caring to be done, by all means see about your husband doing his share. But that's nothing to do with child development.

We tended to stay at home at weekends and play/do stuff/relax. We had no money to spare for many outings and lived in the back of beyond anyway. They went to school and did "stuff" and played with friends afterwards during the week. There were holidays, visits to and from grandparents and other friends and family. They became well rounded, sociable, creative kids, resourceful and able to think for themselves and amuse themselves. They're now well rounded, sociable, creative adults, resourceful, able to think for themselves and resilient. Not everyone needs to be spoonfed and handheld through life but hey, you do you. I suppose.

@rainbow126 when my daughter was younger she would have loved to do "weekend playdates" (when did this stop being called "going round to Sarah's to play"🤔) but everyone was always out and busy busy 😂

Could this maybe be because you aren’t involved in weekend play dates?

Each to their own re weekend plans but it’s just a shame if the kids end up missing out on social activities because of it.

Me too.

😂

She asked about weekends, but she pointed out that she does extracurricular stuff at other times, and outings. Some people are answering as if she never does these things.

@peakygold can fun not be had at home?

Sounds mind numbing to me but each to their own. Do you not have your own adult plans at weekends though?

It isn't though - the kids are doing extracurricular stuff during the week, and spending time with their dad at the weekend.

We did extracurricular stuff and boring accompanying the adults stuff both on weekdays and at weekends as children. I can't see why weekends can't be free of both if that works for OP.

@Woolygreyowl are two issues being conflated here?

There's a lot of info about the criticism of your lifestyle choices (I think there is nothing wrong with your lifestyle by the way)

But you've kind of glossed over the mil stuff. You haven't answered whether you take her out but said you see her twice during the week. But your week is hectic, which is kind of the point of your thread, so between school/ nursery/ activities/ work/ homework does your mil actually see much of her son and grandkids? Maybe this is more about sil feeling out upon because her weekends involve taking mil whereas her brother chooses not to. Which I'm not saying is right or wrong without knowing more, just wondering if there is more to your sil's issue

But that’s what she asked.

Your world sounds very small and a bit lockdown-y. The stuff you do during the week is all about chores and having to be somewhere; weekends are for fun, not hiding away.

OP has made it clear they go out (apart from school and nursery) during the week and during school break.

I don't think there's much point in answering if you ignore that context.

Sounds perfectly fine.
It makes me laugh really.
Taking kids to an art gallery = important culture.
Having kids stay home and create their own art = oooh that's bad 😂
Seriously.... it's fine. What's the point in having toys, crafts, books and games at home if you are never there to use them?
I haven't left the house today (still in my PJ's 😱) but I certainly haven't been hanging around doing nothing.
I was outside yesterday doing boring chore stuff (school run, food shop etc). Today I wanna be in and build Lego.

I can understand not wanting to do much but do you never do anything?? That is strange and not healthy.

You could go to the park, zoo, farm, birthday party, theme park, cinema, theatre, park run, museum, trampoline park, beach etc. You may not want to do a big day out every weekend but you need to do something. It’s fun and good to give your child different experiences.

The question was do you (OH) take her or is it sil....I guess then it's sil. Can she go out herself or need to be taken.

Sounds pretty sad for your eldest the prison of school life every week day then home every weekend.....do they see woodlands and parks....even nursery can be locked in 4 walls which if left can be difficult with ASD as their walls close in and you can't get them out as habit says we don't go.

Two days a week with familiar people in a familiar environment isn't excessive.

If either is begging you to be allowed to go to friends' birthday parties and you're not allowing that, I'd reconsider. But you sound flexible.

ASD in childhood used to be addressed by encouraging children to mask, but that's exhausting for them.

People can be bright, lovely and inquisitive and still enjoy family time. The children will forge their own pathways as they grow, but parents who love spending time with them, whether at home or out and about, are the best base you can give them.

Ignore your SIL and just make sure your children are happy. They'll let you know if they need a change.

It depends on your kids, you, your living situation, etc. I don’t see a problem, but I like to be at home and take it easy one day every weekend. Full time work, school and running around all week is exhausting, plus I like my house and want to enjoy being in it occasionally! When I was little we didn’t go on many special outings, and there wasn’t this pressure to be constantly entertaining dc and organising trips out.

So you never do anything at all at the weekends?

No parks? No parties? No swimming?

I am a massive fan of giving the kids downtime. I have 3 primary aged DC and they are out the house 8.30am - 6pm x4 days a week. Some days it's earlier / later for at least one DC, so I always make sure we have one day of not doing much at the weekend but we also go out to do the things we can't do at home so every weekend we do some variation of: bike riding, roller skating, scooting, swimming, library, local parks, canal walks, local nature reserve. And of course there are the weekends we have plans - birthday parties, visiting people or having visitors etc.

It's very possible that your child with ASD and hypermobility is benefiting a lot from days when he manages his own pace, physically and socially.

It is good for kids to have family time and down time. Independent play and straightforward socialising are great for them. Sounds like they have plenty of other experiences too. I'd do what you are going as a preference. I'd only change it if you or they were bored.

DH grew up like this and he hated it.

Yeah, I had friends from families like this, and it didn't scar them for life or anything but they are very proactive about doing stuff with their children. They definitely aren't keen to recreate that childhood for their own children.