I've been married 7 years. 2x children together. He's in the army and we live on base and move around with his job. With that comes time apart. We don't have family that help/call/want to be involved, friendships are hard to sustain with the moves and juggling life, work, parenting 90% solo. But it's what I'm used to so all that's just for context.
My issue is my husband and AIBU with my expectations from him. If we are apart he (36M) is in the company of soldiers usually in their 20s who go out drinking all the time. He drinks a lot, never tells me who with or where, will only answer questions if asked. Which annoys me as its not the going out for me, it's the lack of communication.
AIBU to think he's treating me like a girlfriend and not wife/mother? He drinks, lays in, basically lives with no responsibility and he does work obvs but they get a lot of downtime. I can't help but be resentful I'm 24/7 with the kids and my life revolves around them. I work 2 jobs coz he has bad debts and I want to provide a nice life for my children. He does cover rent and bills but it's not much, as it's military housing. If I do things with friends, it's usually because we have children in common, so my socialising is children's based activities and playdates.
When he's home he's 'tired' from working, naps every day and stays up very late due to his sleeping pattern. I go to bed around 9 or 10pm because I'm tired from work and parenting.
He often goes out when I'm in bed, but doesn't tell me, I only guess when he's weird in the morning or if he crashes in drunk during the night.
Basically I just need views as to whether I'm being overbearing and he should do what he wants as an adult making his own choices or whether this isn't right. I've got used to it over time.
We can't do things together much as he's usually skint so it's down to me to get a sitter, pay, transport etc. But his social events are as above, my time is child based. I've tried organising girls nights, mums nights but they just don't align/work out so to keep friendships we contine to meet at soft plays or parks.
Is this life now, together but separate. I tell him everything, he tells me nothing. But maybe that's how marriage ends up.