Tell me you're a parent of a ND child without telling me...

Sorry, thought this was a supportive thread, not an excuse to put the boot in.

The people who go on about UPF and how those of us who let our kids eat them are terrible parents who might as well be offering them heroin can get fucked. We went through a stage where dinner was a bowl of shreddies and a couple of bags of hula hoops. We were just glad he was eating something and we wouldn't have to get him to drink a forti-sip while distracting him with videos of people building lego.
For some reason, masking maybe, he will happily eat school lunches as long as they don't put anything that might be gravy near it. As I said above we're changing schools in September and the lunches was a big consideration on whether to move him but we decided it was worth the risk to move him to somewhere that will now see him through to A levels (he's 7) whereas his current school is a prep so would have needed a move at 11 or 13 and we decided the earlier the better and the majority of the boys he'll be with will stay the same for the rest of his school life.

I have to shield my 5 year old from dogs be I ng walked or cross the road, despite their offended owners protests that their dog is "harmless ". Both my autistic sons have a huge aversion to dogs

When he gazes at a white space on the wall during maths, it's not that he isn't listening but there is too much information in his mind.

Which he would tell you himself if you asked Mr A, given he is 16.

@Listinggracefully, I've decided to ignore all UPF issues as, frankly, I just need DS to bloody eat something!

School sent some info on ARFID (he's not diagnosed, but I'd think he would be) and the advice was to just let them eat what they'll eat. I honestly wouldn't concern yourself too much.

We do insist on a multivitamin (has to be Barrett's tropical flavour!) for him, which currently he's happy to have.

The only place she will go to is pizza express and the only thing she will eat is their kids tomato pasta. Our local restaurant knows us, and we order double portions because she's getting too big for kids portions. DD1 won't go because she prefers anonymity and doesn't like the fact that they know us there.

I've tried everything to recreate "pizza express pasta" at home. I've carefully studied how they make it in the restaurant (passata and bechemal), but it is rejected. At home only homemade pesto pasta will do. At least I don't have to worry about UPF if I'm making it myself. The snacks on the other hand make me so worried by how much UPF there is, but it's all she will eat. Same packed lunch every day.

Mine has the same breakfast at breakfast club every morning, the staff see him arrive and start getting it ready. I'm on mat leave currently so he could have breakfast at home but we cannot change the routine. He's changing schools in September and what he'll eat at breakfast club is his biggest worry. He's got a settling in day coming up and I've arranged for us to go in early and check out the breakfast club and what's on offer because although I've checked he won't believe me till he's seen it for himself. Thankfully he isn't insistent on particular brands so I know he'll be fine once he knows what the room looks like and that he can have his usual breakfast.

We went through a stage where we had a lot of meetings about the constant bruises and bumps on his forehead because apparently he should have grown out of banging his head on the floor. I did ask one person if they could let him know that because my hand was getting really sore from putting it under his head and my wife had to turn her snigger into a cough.

I love him more than I can say, but my god it’s hard. Harder than I ever thought possible and still survive, and if I’m honest, it’s survival and not happiness. But I can’t say that out loud because no one else understands, cares or listens.

We had a meeting with the Ed Psych and SENCo at school to start the EHCP process (finally, after they'd resisted for ages...it turns out that school refusal has one benefit) and I said there that you're constantly alert, scanning the horizon for potential triggers to try to avert them before they happen, like the bloody Terminator. And that because of this, nothing is fun to do, it's just exhausting.

So many things resonate in this thread. It's tough-going.

I have an excellent ‘don’t f*ing dare’ face for the times I’ve stood in the street/car park/park etc waiting for a meltdown to run its course and anyone thinks they should comment on my parenting. 2 police detoured round me once and didn’t intervene.

my knees are not what they once were from having to drop to the ground as he does

the constant bloody struggle for everything needed to help with education

Oh my god my son will only have that pasta sauce too!!

It's settling in day at the special school. The activity is cutting and sticking. DS rejects this activity. And instead draws a map of Europe with the borders as they were in1914. From memory.
Nothing about this suggests to me that this is the wrong setting.

At KFC we order the boneless banquet and look up European Royal families of Wikipedia.
This is because the first time we went to KFC....we had the boneless banquet and we looked up European Royal families on Wikipedia.
European Royal families are forever associated with KFC now. Why mess with a winning combination?

Oh look! Huel has brought out a new flavour
"No Mum. The whole point of Huel is you never have to try a new flavour"

I cut labels off every item of clothing. I recently had to take DC to pick a household appliance as if I chose it could’ve caused a huge, huge meltdown and a lot of distress. (Thankfully only a dryer and he picked a very good one which I love!). I have to prepare for any sort of change and do very gentle and kind reminders. We go to the same barber, every single time and sit on the same seat. I’ve recently bought 3 of the same jacket, in different sizes.

Socks!!

No you can't walk around naked or you need to take your oodie off if you are too hot (depends on anxiety level whether it's no clothes or needs to not be seen)

We aren't in the pub because Mum likes a drink - mum is having a drink because we are in the pub as we had to have dinner here today & we aren't allowed to leave yet - The Rules (Doesn't leave the house now)

All the local takeaways know who I am
I have to shop at all the supermarkets in rotation as you can't get all the right foods in just one.

Optician who came to house as he can't leave - he needs to spend more time outside as all the reading is causing his eyesight to deteriorate.... What part of he doesn't leave the house do you not understand?????

❤️ for you all, you’re amazing

My DD socks discarded the second we’re home. Needing to know where, when, what, who. Shoes on so tight she broke the strap. Meltdowns at changes.

Mild really compared to some.

Spending sooooo much time doing child admin (assessments, forms, researching schools, support, placements).

When the nice people at SENDIASS know you.

😞 I hear you @Lostatsea10.

The year my DD was 7 was the hardest year of my life.

Are you on the PDA Facebook group for Kent? It's not much, I know, pixels on a screen, but I felt they got it.

Having completely lost myself in the fight to try and get DS into school. He’s year 1, never attended full time, not attending at all now and KCC seem to take great joy in ruining our lives. I don’t know what will be left of any of us when it’s over. I don’t know if it will ever be over.

Hearing “I wouldn’t let me child get away with that, just tell him” from the tuts of disapproving parents in public. He’s demand avoidant, AuDHD- you get him to do it by just “telling” him. He’ll punch you in the face if you do. I know that, because he broke my nose 6 months ago.

“Doesn’t he need a coat?” No, he doesn’t wear coats, there are so many other battles in my life, I don’t care if he wears one or not. I’m not walking around holding it for 6 months of my life for fun.

For a child who’s so noise sensitive he’s the noisiest person in the world.

“What do you mean you’re never alone?” Well, he doesn’t go to school, I have no friends or family and so he’s with me all the time.

“Have you tried a parenting class?” You can fuck right off with that idea!

I love him more than I can say, but my god it’s hard. Harder than I ever thought possible and still survive, and if I’m honest, it’s survival and not happiness. But I can’t say that out loud because no one else understands, cares or listens.

To flip this thread on its head a bit...

DS created Sonic the Hedgehog figures from Lego, straight from memory with all the right proportions. Some of these have been in local art exhibits.

DS improved his handwriting skills and tolerance for writing utensils by drawing comics, and he's very good at drawing and his handwriting skills are better than his NT peers as a result.

DS continues to be so enthralled by creating animations and doing voice-overs and voice acting. I've been working very hard towards guiding him to a career there, as he's very keen and talented.

The sincere joy I get whenever I receive a positive message from school about DS's behaviour and progress. Mind you, I receive many, Many, MANY more negative ones. But each win is a win.

DS is pretty good at communicating his needs and self-advocating. He decided he was coming off of ADHD meds so that he could learn to regulate himself without them. He takes great interest and collaborates whenever his EHCP comes up for renewal.

And that's not to take no notice of the significant struggles we as parents face. But this thread seemed very... uh... Autism Speaks-ish? iykwim?

Getting up early every morning to prep lunch items so that DD can endlessly move them around lunchbox and find the perfect pattern. Spending stacks on clothes as she will likely go to pieces and have a huge meltdown and be unable to attend school. Being on high alert and panicking constantly in case I have dropped a ball or haven’t thought of something. Dealing with her going to pieces & screaming multiple times per day. Being on constant tenterhooks and buying extra food to keep things calm.

Dealing with DS - dealing with his three foods that he rotates - biscuits, nuggets. Tucking him into bed with a million blankets and a fan. Medicating to go to sleep. Laying down with him until he sleeps, even though he is a teen. Watching the Titanic every single day in life.

Juggling multiple dinners every day as a single parent. Trying to keep them both calm and regulated. Remembering my old life and active social life before kids.

Feeling that my own career, self confidence and self worth has gone to shit.

OMG I have suspected for a while I might 'be on the spectrum' but this is making so much sense of my childhood.

Toothpaste - made my gums burn. Eventually I discovered powdered 'smokers' toothpaste'.

Texture - nylon is scratchy as are clothes labels.

My lunchbox is a bento style with 5 different compartments, I have a cupboard full of ramekins and small plates and I am seriously considering buying a set of thalis.

I have coats, I rarely wear them because it is rarely cold enough for me to need one.

Obviously if I am then I function adequately most of the time.

You all sound fabulous, exhausted but fabulous loving parents.

It also makes me understand why one of my uni lecturers drove a campervan not a car. His teenager used it as a second bedroom so his parents could visit friends relatives and son could say 'hello' and then escape to his 'room'.

Sorry if that's obvious or you tried already, an additional option is to wash the new ones a couple of times along with the current clothes - not as often as the one in use (or they'll wear out too fast) but perhaps a few times before they are being introduced.

@StarsBeneathMyFeet

Before being diagnosed, most playdates ending in dissonance because the other children weren't playing within "the rules".

I'm up reading Mumsnet past midnight to have some time to myself because it took so long to pat her to sleep.

I'll head up shortly to sleep next to her, because that's the only way any of us get to sleep.

My DD can't swallow tablets, but also can't tolerate liquid medications or dissolvable tablets. Luckily she's never needed antibiotics.

A child who does not like loud noises...yet has the loudest high pitched shriek of all!

You can save a fortune on calpol for over 12s who can't swallow tablets by getting soluble paracetamol at Home Bargains- just paracetamol tablets that you drop in water to make your own liquid solution.

Be warned, the resulting drink is fizzy, like sparkling water, which is a new sensory problem. I dissolve the tablet in a drink of fruit squash, but with added sugar, because the sugar flattens the fizz.