Tell me you're a parent of a ND child without telling me...

Being happy that you spent £10 on food somewhere that your child gave one lick and then refused to eat anymore of, because they almost never agree to try something new so even a lick is an achievement.

No you wouldn’t and the reason I know you wouldn’t is because of your last paragraph.

Tell me again exactly how I should have parented my non verbal, ASD child with severe learning difficulties and severe sensory issues so that she could fit in with society, my family and school and develop as an individual. Spoiler alert: she went to a special school from the age of 3, needed 2:1 supervision at all times and we always used all recommended techniques with her - makaton, PECS, intensive interaction, Early Bird, Iceberg techniques, etc.

There was not a mainstream activity in London, Brownies included, which would allow her to attend even aged 3 and certainly not as she got older and even with us offering to provide and pay for a trained 1:1 to accompany her.

Posts like yours boil my piss frankly. Just because you were lucky enough not to have a severely disabled child, don’t pretend that those of us who do have brought it upon ourselves by poor parenting and virtue signal that you would be prepared to step up to the plate to give our children even a few moments of the same experience as a non disabled child when it’s clear from your own mouth you wouldn’t have the first clue where to start

Frantic goggling for days because the only toothpaste she'll use has been discontinued... going to try something new. Wish me luck and a lottery win.

Having folders of paperwork everywhere, not job but EHCP related. And suspension related.

Getting "the call" or a teacher coming for "the chat" everyday.

Finding a group I hate more than estate agents- looking at you KCC SEN Dept.

And yy to all PP re clothes and food...

We have an enviably low food shopping bill (and probably scurvy) as nobody but me eats anything besides oven chips.

The closest thing I’ve had to a holiday in years is a trip to the big Sainsbury’s.

He's very good looking. Are you sure he's autistic

This! I've been told by more than one person that my DC's cannot be Autistic because they are both "beautiful". How do people not realise what a fucked up point of view this is?

Some-one got there first but the children in school uniform on dress-up days are not always because the parent forgot. When all the school staff including the secretaries and teachers who have never taught your child know your name!

Calling sweet potatoes "pink potatoes" so she'll eat them

The only vegetable he'll tolerate is tinned tomatoes. But, for a long time we couldn't acknowledge they were tomatoes. We just called them "red".

Yeah, she won't eat onions but she will eat leeks. So anything with onions in, she's told has leek in (we didn't start that deliberately: one time we served her favourite leek and potato pie but didn't have leeks so used onion and she didn't complain.)

She won't eat tomatoes but will eat tomato ketchup and tomato pasta sauce.

She can't do tablets so has to have calpol and kids' antihistamine. She's 12 and they cost a bloody fortune.

No, there is definitely a place for violence.

I recall the smug mother on my road putting her head to one side and tutting in a faux helping voice; 'Do you think he would learn to talk if you tried talking to him?' For my non-verbal severely autistic 6 year old.

It remains one of my proudest achievements that she got out of that situation with her eyes still in their sockets.

(FWIW he started talking a few months later and has never stopped since.... he even whitters away to himself in his sleep).

It's blue and apparently the right kind of mint (for ours!), so worth the £1 to try it!

I'm celebrating because my dd (nearly 18) independently used the washing machine for the first time yesterday. It's a life skill we've been working on for the past couple of years.

@NoWordForFluffy
thank you for the tip - I'll try that one!

Sorry, we won't be able to make it because I accidentally washed DD's hoodie in Bold non-bio washing tablets instead of Sainsbury's own non-bio washing tablets so now the entire day is ruined.

No, we didn't "forget" it was a school dress up day.

Sorry, a family dinner starting at 7pm won't work for us because DS has to be in bed listening to the same audiobook he's listened to every night for the last 18 months at exactly 7.30pm. No, we can't "just let him stay up" unless you want to eat with him screaming and banging his head on the table.

The undeniable urge to headbutt parents of nt children who talk in front of your face about how neurodiverity is a new fad.

Just fuck off Megan, fuck reet off.
And take your outdated, unwanted, privileged and completely damaging opinions with you before I mentally headbutt them too 🤣

Before anyone says anything I'm a pacifist and wouldn't ever use violence on anybody (unless it was self defence or to protect someone) but my heck, mentally? I'm like Tom cruise leaping around Oprah's couch just doling out kicks to the uvula instead of goodiebags 😬

That's what he does in school but likes to get the points

Wisdom 4+ toothpaste for both our autistic kids here. Thankfully Savers sells it for £1 (Home Bargains stopped stocking it).

Spending an obscene amount of time choosing new clothes she needs (checking the seams, waist bands, cuffs, neckline, fabric type). Then never being able to return them because all price labels and internal labels need cutting out before she will try them on.

Protecting 2 pairs of socks because they're the 'safe' socks and panicking when one singular sock can't be found.

Stressing out when M&S discontinue her school shoes. She needed a bigger size and they were out of stock with no view to restock. So spending 30 minutes in the shoe section man handling shoes to see which felt the same weight, had the same sole thickness, had the same inner lining and same t-bar Velcro strap. Wore them for one minute and refused them. Had to find the exact same shoes on Vinted and now having to find them in the next 3 sizes up to last through primary school because trying to transition to different shoes just isn't worth the stress.

Trying to protect her NT sister from her meltdowns. She is often the target when her sister is struggling.

CONSTANTLY worrying that ive missed something, or that theres something else i should be doing. Constantly being on a high state of alert and trying to predict behaviours and mitigate them.

Thats the tip of the ice berg. Shes my world but my god it's so hard.

No, a star chart WON'T help.

Yes, I realise I am 'her parent, not her friend'.

As her parent, I know that a star chart will just ramp up her anxiety and make her even.less able to comply.

Thanks for the suggestion of parenting classes! If only I could be as knowledgeable as you are!!!

Or the recipe changed slightly. Which seems to be a regular thing these days. 😩

@motherofawhirlwind

"Searching out non mint toothpastes and mouth wash with the right amount of fluoride, multivits that don't smell funny, and having to give ID to collect her prescriptions."

Oh god the toothpaste debacle!
Dd will only use Wilko's kids' toothpaste because it's the right flavour and is blue. We have a whole drawer full of rejected toothpaste.
Thankfully we did discover early on that most toothpaste above toddler age has the same 1450ppm flouride as adults' toothpaste!

Oh yes this re clothes.

Mine wears his puffer jacket year round. Even when we were in Crete- in the summer.

He also can't stand 'hard' clothes touching his skin. Like his school shirt or school trousers. So in a fit of despair i spent the gift money my parents gave ME for Christmas on £300 worth of so-called 'supersoft' thermal underwear. Its 'itchy' and untouched. I kept trying before giving up and sending the lot to the charity shop. (Too late for refund).

What happened to that t-shirt/ipad case/toy/glass box/crayon/pencil/stylus/candle etc? He ate it.

We home educate.

What’s that bruise/wound? Self harm

What’s that banging/hooting/explosion/screeching/hissing/growling sound? It’s him.

We aren’t going to make it to X today, sorry for the short notice- I’ll still pay for the session of course.

Can only wear socks from new look once because when they're washed they're "too small"
So we spend ages looking for men's sized socks in fun designs for her, so they still fit once washed!

Asking at breakfast ' What's for dinner' every morning for the last 18 years and sausages wont do. Sausages rice carrots and broccoli then not changing that for the day.

The looks I get when in public with DS

He’s not being naughty and I’m not a lazy parent for having him in a pram (comments like “he’s too big to be in a pram”)

We didn't invite you because we thought it might be too upsetting for him. (Various people about different events)

You're not a good fit for this class. Maybe try again when he's older. (At a sensory class)

He's very good looking. Are you sure he's autistic/ I think you're imagining things/ I think you're obsessed/ I'm not sure you know what autism (said to me by a pediatric nurse, public health nurse, psychologist and doctor)

What's wrong with him. Why can't you get him to sit still. Why is he spinning. Why can't you control him. We wouldn't allow that in our house. Oh my god I'd be mortified if my child behaved like that (various Karens)

He doesn't know how to play properly. He's a weird aggressive child who's disrupting the other children. I dont want to frighten you but I get bad vibes off him (said by a creche worker on his second day. I removed him immediately)

I'm Sorry this is a quiet group for mothers who have had extreme difficulties. You dont really fit that criteria (I had a high risk pregnancy, baby had surgery before and after birth, I had a third degree tear and my mother had just died,)

The list goes on.