I need so parenting advice please 🙏

Totally agree. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills with all these grinches.

'An extra £10 on her'? Unless the shop is located in the 1970s, then they presumably take card transactions. If an extra £10 is truly going to blow the OP's budget, she is probably best not spending money on toys in the first place.

OP never stated she was in poverty

Seriously, never stated it because OP may not be.
Why do you assume that because the OP didn't have an extra £10 on her she's "in poverty"?

Not really. Either the OP is in poverty or she is not.

Have you even bothered to read the OP before demonising a 9 year old girl for expressing her emotions about a £10 toy?

The 9 year olds subsequent ‘screaming’ was a result of not getting the cake she was promised after the toy event.

OP asked for parenting advice we are all allowed to express ourselves and how we would deal with the situation without being chastised by others!

What is that logic? It's irrelevant the girls budget was 10 pounds not twenty pounds.

No. People are very harsh on the kid. £10 is what I would have been given as an end of term treat when I was 9, which was 32 years ago!!

Nah. You’re at the wind up.

Honestly, if you can afford £10 for a toy you can afford £20 for a (probably better) toy.

Seriously I actually despair.....

Wow. Just… 🤯

Presumably you could have afforded it, though, especially if you explained that it was either the more expensive toy and nothing, or the cheaper toy and the cake.

Is that satire?

I'm with you 100%. I don't get all these Victorian Workhouse parents.

You could have told her that if she wanted the more expensive toy, she would have to forgo the cake, rather than just saying 'no' and then depriving her of the cake anyway. Is she normally well behaved? I have to say, as it's an end of term treat, I would have probably been a touch more lenient, but that would depend on her behaviour overall.

Tomorrow may well be a new day but your DD needs to learn that bad behaviour doesn't get rewarded and if you buy her the cake so soon she'll still associate it that having a tantrum has got her what she wanted.

Buy her cake by all means but not before she's taught that her behaviour while out and the carry on once home is not what most parents would reward.

Op stated she did not have 20 pounds. 9 year olds can articulate themselves without screaming because they didn't get their way. I may agree with you more if the child was 3.

I would of done the same, I can understand why you are pissed off. At 9, she must know there is no magic money tree and I'm guessing she doesn't normally get random gifts. I think you have done right and when she's calmed down explain how upset you were and behaviour of a toddler isn't tolerated and enjoy cake tomorrow.

OP never stated she was in poverty or that she had tried to negotiate waiting for the £20 toy. I always preferred to negotiate with my children and buy them a toy they valued. I would not have compromised on a £10 toy if that is not what they wanted. You are all missing the point. A 9 year old should be allowed to express how she feels. Not be beaten down and chastised for being ungrateful. That £10 has been completely wasted better to have taken the toy back as this would have been the best lesson. The cake is a symbol of a parent overpowering the child and carrying on an argument which should have ended with the toy in the first place.

I was going to say why do you need to calm your husband and without him turn to MN over some pretty basic parenting. But there you are planning a cake for tomorrow. So maybe you do need advice.

This is just really common bad behaviour. You say no to being a brat. Fine to cancel the cake because of her rudeness. And whilst I’m not saying you should tell her no cake ever (or a week, or tomorrow) as a specific punishment, it seems rather foolish of you to be planning already to give her a cake tomorrow. Why even offer it?

End of school year is very dysregulating time.

I’m definitely a soft touch. I think feeling upset about the toy is ok and would have had a conversation about the options - wait and save, choose something else, as well as about money realities - I wish I could afford more but this is what we have. Maybe lightened it with some humour about what would happen if we didn’t pay the electricity bill

You’re both disappointed in each other and catastrophising. You don’t hate her. She’s not a brat (I know this because you wouldn’t be so thrown if this was normal). It’s time to make up and move on but as the adult it’s your job to model how to do that.

I would have done exactly the same as you OP. I also have a sometimes stroppy 9 yo Dd and at that age they should understand and appreciate the boundaries set around the £10 limit. I would not have rewarded the behaviour with cake.

Stand firm. You're right, she's being a brat. Consequences are the way she'll learn. If she kicks off all night so be it, she's strong willed. Consequences still exist. You're doing a great job!

There’s some parents on this thread.

Fixed it for you.