Men getting angry with sick wives

My ex husband would make the excuse that he was no good at looking after anyone.
I experienced this numerous times.
I had what turned out to be anaphylactic shock on holiday and I was vomiting, diarrhoea, my body was swelling and I was finding it hard to breathe. He said I was probably allergic to the washing powder on the hotel bedsheets so told me to sleep on the floor whilst he just went to sleep. It got so bad I begged him to call a doctor which he was very irritated about as it was the middle of the night. Eventually after much begging he did get a doctor but totally minimised the whole thing.
I fell off a horse and broke my wrist and fingers badly. It was displaced and needed surgery and he didn't visit me or come to collect me as he was working.
I had gastric flu and was left to fend for myself at home.
My back locked at the stables and I needed bed rest and diazepam but he still thought I should have got the shopping on my way home.
Worst though was when I got cancer. Not one word of comfort and on the day of my biggest surgery he did come with me but as I was dozing afterwards he read my notes on the end of my bed and made a nasty comment about my weight as recorded.
I found out a year later that he had started an affair just after I was first diagnosed. I think this was in part because I wasn't up to having sex with him and he foresaw a long period of me being ill which he just didn't fancy at all.

Hmmmm I am woman and hate my DH being ill and hate having to be nice and do all the chore stuff he does.

I mean, if you are used to being looked after it sucks !!!

I think it is more common in men, but it is probably a universal feature and this is a female dominated site

In my experience this is so true.

I dint think they’re scared to do it. They don’t want to.

Thank Gofd didn’t marry one like this - know his lucky I am. FIL isn’t like this, neither is DF. Both in their 80s - both can cook and clean.

Yes I remember it well

Tbh I’m practical… so if you are generally I’ll go to bed, take the meds. Do you need a gp well organise it.

I’ll bring you paracetamol and fluids of your choice in bed. I’ll drive you to gp. Just do not moan and do nothing to ensure you get better.

I will do whatever is needed in a more serious situation .

and if he doesn’t do the same , don’t bang your ass on the door knob on the way out

In his outdoor shoes?!

LTB

Mine was angry the Xmas me and 1yo DS caught a sickness bug as we "ruined his Xmas'. Taking a seriously pukey 1yo to out of hours GP wasn't exactly top of my festive wish list funnily enough.

Just had an example of NAM. I have spent the day in bed, intending to get up about 5 and meet him at the shop. Lost track of time on here. He tried to ring me but my phone battery was flat. Suddenly the bedroom door was opened - he'd walked 3 miles, desperately worried, come up in his outdoor shoes in case he had to call an ambulance. And its not the only example of his concern. So at least one is OK!

Yes, I had an ex who was like this. There's two incidents that stand out in my memory. One was my first night home from hospital, after having surgery, my wound started bleeding through the dressing in the night so I quietly got up and went into the bathroom to change it. Ex stormed in and said 'WTF are you doing? Why are you doing that? Leave it alone!! Go back to bed!' I told him I was doing what the doctor had advised which just made him angrier and we ended up having a blazing, completely pointless row for, as far as I could tell, no reason at all. Of course, it was my fault because it was the 'way' I went about it, whatever that means.

The second one was after my first Covid jab and I felt like I was dying. I told ex I had to go to bed and just lay there in the dark shivering, aching, head pounding and feeling like I was at death's door. Ex came in, switched the light on and demanded to know why I'd 'really' gone to bed. I explained and he responded that I'd been 'funny' with him all evening and I was punishing him. I was too weak to argue so just said 'ok' and shut my eyes. He then got into bed next to me and began one of his character assassinations while I pretended to be somewhere else. He refused to leave me alone to rest, turned over and went to sleep. It was awful.

In his case it wasn't about domestic duties or anything like that. He was extremely sensitive to rejection and would fly off the handle if he thought I was rejecting him in some way. He went on to repeatedly accuse me of cheating. Unbeknown to me at the time he was also stalking me. It was all quite sociopathic really. Thank fuck I don't have to put up with that shit anymore.

It’s a behaviour associated with narcissism.

I've known one bloke like this. His poor wife became ill and had to have multiple major surgeries in a relatively short period of time. He kept shouting at her and was really impatient with her (she needed help to get to the loo post surgery). Eventually he just upped and left her. Luckily they don't have children together. Cunt.

I agree with the "broken appliance" theory but I also think men are not historically conditioned to nurture or care for others whereas women are. Men are largely programmed to look after their own interests, that's why they bail when their wives are sick. Women are programmed bioligically (child bearing and rearing) and societally to put others first, especially their families. Generalisation I know but still.

I've had cancer twice and very recently a major medical procedure. Twice now, my dh has careed for me and looks after our ds whilst doing all the cooking , housework and so on without complaint. He's an absolute star and my rock.

Oh FFS 🙄
Yeah, it's all womens fault that men are so shit, obviously.

The bigger question is why have the women allowed the men to do so little that the men become scared at the thought of having to put a wash on or think about what to feed the children. Women allow men to be pathetic.

My DW is like this, she hates weakness. If I'm unwell in any way I do my best to hide it from her but it's no always possible.

It was definitely "a thing" back in the 1980s when I was nursing - men would leave their wives. Interesting to see there's research to back up this anecdotal belief magicmole.

I hear about this all too often. My late DM always used to say men just can't cope with illness, whether it's their wife/partner or a child. This was proven to me years ago when I became seriously ill for several months. Just as I was starting to recover,my exH announced he'd 'lost all respect for me' since I'd been ill and that he was moving out. Thankfully,with hindsight,it turned out to be the biggest favour he ever did me.

It certainly comes up a lot on MN.
My father was like this with my mother.
There’s also the known fact that it isn’t uncommon for men to leave their seriously ill wives, including after a cancer diagnosis.

My ex was vile when I was unwell because it inconvenienced him. Anything that inconvenience him would set him off though.

I know a woman who broke her leg and her DH refused to take her to the hospital because he was busy. He wouldn't do anything to help either like make dinner. I imagine that in the future if she becomes old, frail or sick he will just leave her.

Or with sick/disabled children.

I have fibromyalgia, not that severely but i manage it by knowing when is enough, hard with an autistic dd! Ex never got it.

Men like this usually treat their unwell children/adult children like shit too. Speaking from experience.

My Mum was diagnosed with a chronic condition in her 40’s and full credit to my Dad, he was very supportive, albeit with a lot of moaning to friends and relatives. But he’s always been a moaner, still is. 😂

Huge contrast to a former neighbor whose wife was in a serious car crash. They split up within a year of her accident, because he was so self-centered. He was used to her running around after him and apparently couldn’t do the same for her, even though she recovered well eventually. I lost all respect for him after that and was glad when he moved.

Oh yes this brought up so many bad memories. My ex got angry when I broke my ankle. I was so perplexed and in pain I couldn't quite get it...

I do get it now. Or at least, I realise he was being, not confused, as I thought but totally and utterly a complete bustard. Unfortunately, the way I was then, I was completely bamboozled!

I can look back with complete clarity now but then it was very murky so I can understand why some women don't see it for what it is straightaway or even for some time. It's very difficult to be in that situation.