Should I refuse reception settling in days if I can?

This. And the guilt tripping if you can't/ won't comply. And the way that, somehow, mum always ends up being the one contacted.

This culture is a massive barrier to women pursuing their careers to a point where they can achieve equity with men, and needs challenging.

Not sure after school provision would help, since it's school hours that would need to be covered? If you had to cover it through paid childcare, you'd be looking at a CM or maybe nursery who had a space during the day that they'd be willing to use on someone who was only going to need it for a short time.

I'm not saying there are no providers in the country who'd do that, but it's not the easiest ask.

In the UK it would be for many just as I've described it. Unless you had a childminder before they started school you wouldn't able to just find one for the settling in process and they wouldn't be able to access after-school provision because it starts after the school day ends not at 12 or what ever random time they are finishing that day.

The point is the OP and her child are entitled to a full time place on their first day. The fact some schools try to guilt parents into sending them part time for a while claiming it's in their best interests etc is redundant. She's entitled to that place and therefore should not be prevented from taking it up.

Where I am, parents would have DC in afterschool or with a minder, who'd be happy to do the earlier pickups

I'm not saying it's not an issue in the UK, as I don't know. But in Ireland it's in the category of 'a bit of a pain but ok' and just lasts a couple of weeks.

DS is 20 and it was half days till Xmas, total nightmare and completely unnecessary. My DN who is about to be 23 didn't start until Xmas then half days.

I wish we had been able to insist on ft.

Here in my part of Scotland they start 9-3 from day 1. Works fine too. It is a big step up but I think many are fine with full days and in this day in age when most parents have to work it is a huge inconvenience.

I understand it's very hard for some - I've never known of anyone who was unable to get a degree of flexibility in work to accommodate this to at least a workable level.

The ironic thing is the ones with the least amount of flexibility are the teachers. Let's be honest there would be uproar if a teacher took the first few weeks off to settle their own kids in.

A poster above said earlier they'd only had a handful of kids start full time in the last few years, two of which were children of the staff. It's funny how they didn't afford those same staff the flexibility they demand of all the other parents. Surely if it was for the benefit of the children they would be encouraging those staff to do half days to support their children's oh so important transition...

I'm really interested in this thread, having just caught up.

I'm in Ireland, my DC are teens now but all had staggered starts / finishes over a few weeks.

Yes, a pain, but I think worthwhile - it's exhausting for them (and all of mine were in crèche & Montessori before starting school so well used to being in school-like settings). School is just a big step up.

I have never heard of anyone requesting full days from the start - I don't think it's a provision here. Plenty of parents were quite exercised about the staggered times though.

I work f/t, single parent. My minder picked up earlier, I juggled work hours & took leave. It wasn't easy but was ok.

I understand it's very hard for some - I've never known of anyone who was unable to get a degree of flexibility in work to accommodate this to at least a workable level.

I think I’ve gotten confused here. I thought by settling in days the op was referring to what my DDs school call taster days. The children visit the school before the summer holidays, usually June here and have one or 2 half days getting to know the school and setting. It’s usually one half day leaving before lunch then a 2nd leaving after lunch so they can experience what it’s like in a busy lunch hall.

Is the op referring to half days in September? That totally changed my response. Our school do full days from day one but allows those children who might not cope to finish early if need be, which I think is the best way to do it.

My kids are 18 and 14. This is the first I've heard about staggered starts. They went full time from day one.

If there was such a proven benefit to it, surely it wouldn't be so variable across different schools, in terms of the settling pattern and duration?

For those saying "make it work" what do they mean? OP has no AL and can't afford unpaid. Also unlikely to be a problem for her child as he is used to full days away from home.

What those posters mean is rope in every Tom, Dick and Harry, beg every neighbour or stranger and cash in any favour anyone has ever owed you. For some reason they seem to think obviously all that is preferable in aiding a child settling in to school than just sending them full time from day 1. How anyone can think it's anything other than unsettling madness is beyond me.

DT’s went full time from day one as did about half of each of their classes. Two form entry from a variety of nurseries. DT’s hadn’t met their teachers before they started. They also went to breakfast and after school clubs. No issues.

For those saying "make it work" what do they mean? OP has no AL and can't afford unpaid. Also unlikely to be a problem for her child as he is used to full days away from home.

To avoid being "that parent" i would explain you have no choice rather than disagree with school policy (even though I do think it is pointless)

If you are going to ask, do it now (or at least on Monday week), don't leave it longer. Time to challenge if you get an initial refusal at the very least.

Good luck OP, hope you can get this.

Are you a teacher? I've taught for over a decade and had many classes full of 4 year olds who came in full time from day one and this is not how it looks. You're catastrophising massively here.

I am not sure how your school manage this at all, is there an on site nursery so most children are known to staff? Or is it a small school?

You really think primary school is the same as playgroup? Depending on the school they may be spending a lunch hour on the playground with 10 year olds. Eating lunch in a hall with 400 older children. Not know where the toilets are. Be completely eclipsed by other children with behaviour or undiagnosed SEN children.Not know what time it is or where to go. They might get lost because None of the children know the rules or boundaries . All of this and not one adult will know their name or who you are on dismissal. You REALLY want that? Because 30 children on day 1 would absolutely look like that.

Do you honestly think that YOU would be able to keep 30 children (who you've never met) safe and happy and moving around the school for 6 hours?

my kids’ school has reception in all together full time from day 1. It works great.

Yes, the chiding about preparation is odd. You don't get the school place confirmed until a few months in advance, schools don't all do it and you can opt out anyway.

There is a school near us that did 3 weeks of settling in - for that reason I didn't even look at the school!

So you don't inform parents / carers that their children can start full time? You only offer it to those who are in the know?

Did you tell any of those parents their child could attend full time from day one though? I suspect probably not if you've only had 4 in the last 5 years.

True. It depends how many parents know they can insist. From my experience we've only had four children in the last five years. Out of approximately 450 pupils, only four. And two were school staff's children.

I would try and make transition work, do you have any grandparents who could help. Or take dependent leave. Depending on cohort, your DC might be the only one who is stopping the full day. This won't be nice for them, a new setting with new people and then everyone but you goes home for lunch and you are by yourself for the afternoon. Or shuttled off to another class with all new adults and no-one you know. Did your DC have settling in days for their private nursery care? I would chat to the head and if they look at you like you have 2 heads, it's likely your DC will be the only one stopping. I know this years reception had 3 settling in days and everyone did the half days. Tbh this is a your family's annual leave problem, almost every school has settling in days, it was likely mentioned when you went for a look round so you should have planned accordingly.

None of my three kids did the 'settling in' thing. I'm not even sure their school does it!