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AIBU?

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Original poster

To orchestrate a play date to get this dad's number?

220 replies

JaneDough94 · 23/05/2024 16:05

My daughter is friendly with another girl at her school who is slightly older and in a different class. We (me and DD) bump into her and her dad most days on the school run and the girls get along really well.

I'd like to get to know him better but I'm far too shy to just say that, so would it be unreasonable to use a play date as a reason to get his number? 😂

He's a single father, mother isn't on the scene.

WDYT?

OP posts:
Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:31

Stylishcooncil · 23/05/2024 19:26

But if something isn’t appropriate it means there is something wrong with it. So what is wrong with it?

The bit where OP is using the child to get a man's number. I, and many others, have said this several times over.

Yet no one seems to be able to actually set out what is wrong with it or what the harm done by it is. If there is no harm done by it then how is it wrong?

Moral postulation is rather useless without a justification of the actual reason.

WimbyAce · 23/05/2024 19:30

I think you are getting a hard time, I don't think it's that bad. The kids are friends anyway so a suggestion of a play date is fine.

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:26

albertoross · 23/05/2024 19:23

I didn't say they were did I.. 🙄

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You said ‘becoming your best friend's stepsister adds another factor to it. Same as if it were anyone in the child's school year’.

They aren’t best friends or in the same school year. So what’s the relevance?

Stylishcooncil · 23/05/2024 19:26

But if something isn’t appropriate it means there is something wrong with it. So what is wrong with it?

The bit where OP is using the child to get a man's number. I, and many others, have said this several times over.

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:25

Stylishcooncil · 23/05/2024 19:19

@Didimum

If you view something negatively, you assume harm or damage will be done. Asking what the harm or damage is is an entirely relevant question. You presumably can answer it, you just won’t.

I didn't answer 'what harm' because I was answering the question of the thread regarding the method.

So if you desperately need an answer, no harm, some harm, lots of harm... you see? Nobody knows what will happen and I wasn't even talking about potential outcomes, just simply saying the method is not appropriate imo. It's not particularly negative to say I don't agree that OP should use her child to gain a man's number; again, the outcome wasn't part of my posts.

But if something isn’t appropriate it means there is something wrong with it. So what is wrong with it?

albertoross · 23/05/2024 19:23

DanielGault · 23/05/2024 19:22

That's different though. Can I use my child to get close to someone is quite different to I happen to fancy my child's friends mum.

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Exactly!

albertoross · 23/05/2024 19:23

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:22

They aren’t in the same school year.

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I didn't say they were did I.. 🙄

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:22

albertoross · 23/05/2024 19:18

Obviously but becoming your best friend's stepsister adds another factor to it. Same as if it were anyone in the child's school year.

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They aren’t in the same school year.

DanielGault · 23/05/2024 19:22

GentlemanJay · 23/05/2024 19:20

I disagree. Don't die wondering. Do something. Anything.

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That's different though. Can I use my child to get close to someone is quite different to I happen to fancy my child's friends mum.

5128gap · 23/05/2024 19:22

Can't you just chat to the guy when you see him? If he has any interest in you, you'll probably pick up the signs and signals then one or other of you can suggest a coffee or something?

GentlemanJay · 23/05/2024 19:20

DanielGault · 23/05/2024 16:36

I think there's something very ick about that tbh. Manipulative. If it's meant to be it'll happen.

I disagree. Don't die wondering. Do something. Anything.

albertoross · 23/05/2024 19:20

DanielGault · 23/05/2024 19:09

It's the tactical nature of it that's uncomfortable imo. It's just creepy.

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I agree. If it were "I've organised a play date for my daughter and I really hit it off with her friend's dad wibu to ask him on a date" that's different to "can I use my child to try and get close to this guy?"

Stylishcooncil · 23/05/2024 19:19

@Didimum

If you view something negatively, you assume harm or damage will be done. Asking what the harm or damage is is an entirely relevant question. You presumably can answer it, you just won’t.

I didn't answer 'what harm' because I was answering the question of the thread regarding the method.

So if you desperately need an answer, no harm, some harm, lots of harm... you see? Nobody knows what will happen and I wasn't even talking about potential outcomes, just simply saying the method is not appropriate imo. It's not particularly negative to say I don't agree that OP should use her child to gain a man's number; again, the outcome wasn't part of my posts.

albertoross · 23/05/2024 19:18

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:09

Isn’t that the case for any dating situation?

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Obviously but becoming your best friend's stepsister adds another factor to it. Same as if it were anyone in the child's school year.

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:18

DanielGault · 23/05/2024 19:15

To just roll with it! Anything other then 'orchestrating' anyway. Maybe it was just an unfortunate choice of word but imo it sounds grim.

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What does rolling with it entail when they do not have meaningful time to get to know each other?

DanielGault · 23/05/2024 19:15

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:13

So OP doesn’t feel ready to ask him out on an actual date because she doesn’t know him well enough. She doesn’t have the opportunity to spend time with him organically in a meaningful way. So what would be your suggestion that she does to get to know of him better?

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To just roll with it! Anything other then 'orchestrating' anyway. Maybe it was just an unfortunate choice of word but imo it sounds grim.

Sleepismyfavourite · 23/05/2024 19:13

I say go for it OP! Ignore the doom mongers!

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:13

DanielGault · 23/05/2024 19:09

It's the tactical nature of it that's uncomfortable imo. It's just creepy.

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So OP doesn’t feel ready to ask him out on an actual date because she doesn’t know him well enough. She doesn’t have the opportunity to spend time with him organically in a meaningful way. So what would be your suggestion that she does to get to know of him better?

DanielGault · 23/05/2024 19:09

LarkspurLane · 23/05/2024 19:06

I'd be really uncomfortable if a man did this to me and I found out about it.

I'd much rather get to know someone without involving my children.

I do get the temptation though.

It's the tactical nature of it that's uncomfortable imo. It's just creepy.

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:09

albertoross · 23/05/2024 19:07

No. Not off the back of a playdate but if OP is considering trying to shag this man she needs to think of the future ramifications for her child

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Isn’t that the case for any dating situation?

albertoross · 23/05/2024 19:07

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:06

Christ. Shall we all buy hats for the wedding off the back of a play date?

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No. Not off the back of a playdate but if OP is considering trying to shag this man she needs to think of the future ramifications for her child

LarkspurLane · 23/05/2024 19:06

I'd be really uncomfortable if a man did this to me and I found out about it.

I'd much rather get to know someone without involving my children.

I do get the temptation though.

Didimum · 23/05/2024 19:06

albertoross · 23/05/2024 19:04

You've clearly decided there's nothing wrong with it and are going ahead anyway. Even putting aside the sneakiness of it the impact on your child if you did hit it off and they end up being stepsiblings will be huge

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Christ. Shall we all buy hats for the wedding off the back of a play date?

MissConductUS · 23/05/2024 19:06

Go for it. She who dares wins.

albertoross · 23/05/2024 19:06

It's like when people use their dogs to get dates only with actual human children

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