To think that if you have a destination wedding, you should pay for your guests?

Depends how much you want them to come: my 2 golden rules with weddings are:

1. Your Day = Your Rules
2. If Your Rules = hassle/expense/awkwardness for your guests, they decline, and you are fine with that.

Destination wedding - you make it expensive/require extra days off work - guest chooses not to come - you are fine with that.
No kids - guest can't use babysitters for whatever reason - they decide not to come - you are fine with that
No proper disability access at the venue - certain guests decide it's too much hassle - you are ok with that
ETC

None of these rules are bad, but you set them, so you are ok with people declining because of them. Not ok?

-local wedding
-kid friendly
-accessible venue.

My nephew had a destination wedding in Granada (Spain). He told everyone he wasn't expecting gifts because travelling to their wedding would be a huge expense. We all paid airfares and the 3-day accommodation in the Palacete de Cazulas, while they paid for all the catering. The majority of the guests came from Australia, New Zealand, England and South Africa. None of us expected them to pay for our stay, let alone our airfares.

It's perfectly ok to have a destination wedding and people not attending because of the cost. The problem in this case is that the bride and groom organised a destination wedding without checking first how many of their guests would be able to afford it. There were only 30 odd people in my nephew's wedding, they knew beforehand how many of us would attend before making the booking.

Friend’s daughter is having her wedding in Italy. It was booked over two years ago and save the date notices went out to over 100 people. She omitted to tell people it was overseas! It’s not cheap or an easy venue to get to and is taking place in the school holidays, no children allowed. I asked friend how many people did she think would still go and she was surprised that I thought anyone would duck out. They have booked out a guest house on the wine estate where the wedding is and are now ‘upgrading’ guests. This destination wedding has included 3 hen dos, 2 abroad and the bride wonders why a lot of her friends no longer want to stay in touch.

@TheCadoganArms but the B&G have to also accept some guests (even the ones they want to come) might not be able to afford it, and there is no way I would expect someone to pay £2k because I wanted some fancy backdrop for my wedding. If you like a particular destination go there for your honeymoon

@TheCadoganArms I still that there is the presumption that family members like parents will pay up to attend even if others don't. I don't think it's particularly fair to potentially price out you're own parents.

It's almost like you have a choice in the matter as to whether you attend or not.

Reality TV has a lot to answer for. I don't think the bride should pay for everyone but I do think they should get real about the fact not everyone is a celeb who can drop everything and jet off to wherever they feel like it at the drop of a hat. Money wise and annual leave wise.

Anyone noticed how much more difficult it is to get leave these days: and how grudgingly it's granted? If you're in the NHS, say, even if you book months in advance you're not guaranteed to get it, just ask any junior doctor.

@Hoppytobes why did you invite 40 people you didn’t want there? How much did people have to pay to attend?

@DaisyChain505 it's a bit sad when 'unnecessary guests' are all the closest relatives though?

TBF, Manchester can be a destination wedding if you look at the cost of train travel in this country! If you're not spending £££££ on train fare on the day, you get a 'cheap' fare but then have to spend on a hotel!
The cost of being a wedding guest, wherever the nuptials are held, is bonkers

It’s also a way of weeding out friends and family on low incomes.

There have been times when even working more than full time I’d of been thrilled at the idea of a destination wedding but still wouldn’t have been able to afford to go to it.

The actual destination does make a difference too. A destination in France might be doable for people (working very hard) on low incomes but American or similar not so.

Ive even been to posh weddings of dear friends in London in the past where we’ve spent over an hour nursing one drink because two drinks were £25 and that was nearly half a days wages on min wage at the time!

Not everyone’s circumstances are the same so it’s best to be a little appreciative of anything guests do to attend of try to acknowledge the marriage in other ways.

But it's a bit arrogant expecting people to potentially save up for a wedding they obviously have no say in, it's not like a holiday.

I knew someone who got married abroad. None of her family (parents, siblings etc) could afford to go. She had 1 or 2 friends there, he had his whole family there.

And she was upset about it too. I don't know what she thought would happen.

As pp said, getting married abroad is just for you. Don't expect that anyone else can afford to come (or get time off work, use up AL, get pet sitters/babysitters etc)

I think that's a bit selfish. If you've invited direct relatives/important people in your life your presumably want them there or you'd have eloped. Therefore the wedding is a tiny bit about them.

You can't really just then ignore the cost involved to those people, especially with today's cost of living.

Mumsnet hates weddings ESPECIALLY overseas weddings

"It's a way of weeding out unnecessary guests"

I think that's a bit harsh, what if those that can't afford it are the bride/grooms parents etc?

Are they really "unnecessary"?

I chose a destination wedding knowing it would leave only my closet family and friends there, this was what I wanted. I gave 2 years warning so those who wanted to come could save. We had 45 guests. Everyone I wanted there, was there. About 40 people turned it down. I didn’t have a party on return as I had no reason to.

I would never pay for guests. If they’re upset that’s their problem.

Exactly this.

Who expects guests to have to stump up £2k to come to what is in effect a fancy party (especially as with many destination weddings the legal bit has to be done in UK first). You must have a very high opinion of yourself if you think people would be happy to pay £2k.

I do think if you choose a destination wedding you should be prepared to help fund close family to come.

In the old days when people first started having destination weddings it tended to be just the bride and groom. Not sure when it then became a thing to invite hoards of guests.

I haven't been to those sorts of weddings, but I'll take your word for it that they're common.
I've been to a wedding where the couple didn't have much money, but it was lovely and friendly and informal. A very happy day.
If people want something a bit more glamorous I can understand why they'd chose a cheaper overseas venue.

I never mind a destination wedding as we just turn it into our annual family holiday and extend it to 7 or 10 days. Best of both worldswe getvour family holifay but we also get a holiday with friends and their kids too.

When its been someone we aren't that close to we just don't go

Given the ludicrous cost of weddings in the UK these days I am not surprised some folk have taken a punt on an overseas ceremony. As you say, throw in some sunshine, amazing food and some picturesque backdrop it makes for an attractive proposition. How many UK weddings have you been to in some hum drum run of the mill hotel that serve the same beef Wellington you had at the last wedding and hosted in the similarly decorated function room with the band playing the same playlist?

I've been to one where everything flights/hotel etc was paid for, they were very wealthy though.
I wouldn't expect that though, I would expect them to be understanding that many people would choose not to attend though. I also don't think you should expect gifts for destination weddings, but that might be controversial opinion.

I think people have a destination wedding because they're looking for a backdrop with a wow factor, or because they want hot weather. It's their choice but there are so many threads on here about how divisive it is, because of the cost and inconvenience. I don't know if anyone could afford to pay for the guests, but am guessing in you want a wedding in the Maldives or wherever, you know it's not going to be a big event.
Their choice, no point in getting upset.

If you have a destination wedding you have to expect only a few people will come. They obviously can’t pay for everyone but they have to accept that not everyone can afford it or want to spend their holiday budget / precious holiday days on going to a place they haven’t chosen. Nobody should be upset.