To think that if you have a destination wedding, you should pay for your guests?

We got married in Vegas, our view was that hardly anyone would come but anyone who wanted to come was welcome. We ended up having 12 guests in the end and it was perfect.

All our guests made a holiday out of it, taking in a city (or even a cruise) elsewhere in the US before joining us in Vegas and they all went home the day we picked up the car for our honeymoon.

we made no demands that they attend anything else during the 5 days we were there (some chose to come to the marriage licence bureau with us but we didn’t insist), we paid for transport to and from the wedding (in the desert) and a 7 course meal and drinks in a fancy restaurant afterwards.

of course we then threw a massive party when we got back to the UK too!

I’ve been to a few destination weddings and they have all worked similarly in that guests are welcome to do their own thing but virtually everything on the wedding day itself is paid for by the bride and groom. Just don’t expect gifts from people that fly out for the wedding!

Sounds like a similar scenario to me, except we choose France rather then Italy. I too have a very large family (if including all the cousins) and to be honest there are only a dozen or so that I am genuinely close to. The rest are scattered all over the place and I see them rarely. I hate to say it but there are several who I actually dislike. We sent invites out a year in advance so cheap flights could be capitalisd on. We had about 60 people attend, a lovely mix of close family and friends. Cost of venue, catering and drinks was by a magnitude cheaper (and better) then what we had been initially scouting in the UK. Throw in near guaranteed sunshine and a beautiful Provence village backdrop it was a no brainer. At least half the wedding party stayed on for an extra week to have mini holidays in the region. We agreed a fairly decent discount with the local hotel and arranged airport pick ups. Destination weddings are not suitable for all guests and we did not not expect everyone we invited to attend although the vast majority did.

@KateDelRick thank you. It was Italy rather than long haul but still! Why? We didn’t fancy a UK wedding with a cast of thousands / extended family that we don’t see generally having to be invited etc. looked at it before deciding on overseas and it would have ended up at the 300 guest mark which seemed too many (for us). So invited immediate family to include Aunts/ Uncles/ cousins and close friends. Guest list overseas came to 40 with that. Then the party post honeymoon was 150.
re weather - yes that was a part of it but as it happened it rained on the day anyway for a short time so had to change the set up from all outside to wedding breakfast inside with drinks outside….
price wise - I don’t think it was cheaper than doing a big wedding in the UK - overseas and party; came out to the same but the way we did it was what we wanted to!

@TheGlitterFairy - you sound very generous. Can I ask a question - why abroad?
Was it the climate, or was it the price?

We had a destination wedding - 3 day event. Accommodation was at a discounted price- guests had to pay for flights / travel / accommodation. We paid for food/ drink for 3 days for all plus hosted a party for the masses 6 weeks later. 25% of the people we invited overseas didn’t come which was to be expected. Think everyone came to the party later on.

YABU
However if I did a destination wedding I’d pay for my parents and daughter. They’re the only people I’d really want there badly enough to pay for.
everyone else : I wouldn’t expect anyone to fork out £2k to attend

I wouldn't expect to be paid for but I always immediately turn down destination invites because it's just not doable for me. I think if people choose to do that for their wedding they must accept the consequences. One friend was actually stunned when I said no and appeared to have conveniently forgotten that I was a single parent on a low income with a disabled child. Not happening!

I wouldn't be expecting the Bride & Groom to pay for my flight & hotel if I attended their destination wedding. It's my choice to accept the invite & go so why should they pay? I'd be honoured to get an invite as a lot of couples only ask those they're close to & consider good friends (if not family). If you can't afford it don't go. I'm sure you could arrange a night out with the happy couple when they get back if you want to celebrate their marriage, that's if they're not having a 'home party' for everyone that couldn't make the wedding.

The only difference between domestic and international travel is passport control, and unless you are really unlucky that takes less then 10 mins in most European airports. I'm not much of a fan of airports either but it seems you are reaching for problems that don't really exist. Given the choice or flying to the south of France for a long weekend attending a wedding or spending several hours driving to the west country or up to the lakes or wherever to attend a wedding I would look forward to the former more!.

No they shouldn't be expected to pay, it isn't just about the cost of travel, there is using their annual leave, kids in school, childminding, pet minding, going to a destination that is nice for a wedding but crap for a holiday etc etc.

What they should do is invite who they want to come and make it clear they completely understand if they decline.

I have only been invited to a couple of weddings abroad, thankfully I am old enough my very close family and friends married decades ago before all this destination holiday expectation of guests nonsense!

Both were a straight decline, one understood, the other got shirty, again thankfully I am old enough to have no qualms explaining how choices have consequences.

Passport queues, all manner of delays, plus airports are such awful places. It always seems to take longer than you expect.

If we are talking about european travel then not really. Add some time to get through passport control and that's about it.

Significantly less hassle than an international flight!

I expect most couples would expect a much diminished guest list with an overseas wedding. I also suspect that was half the intention in the first place.

I think you should absolutely pay for the bridal party. One of my friend's had a destination wedding and only provided the dresses for the bridesmaids. It cost a fortune.

I just will not go in future.

Well, ideally they should pay but that’s probably unrealistic for most couples.

I don’t think couples should expect anyone to attend a destination wedding (by which I mean overseas). We got married in the Caribbean precisely because we didn’t want guests!

I think it’s outrageous to expect friends to use up leave and spend thousands just to attend a wedding They’re eye-wateringly expensive enough for guests even if you do it at home.

I have flown to Scotland for a few weddings, arguably a domestic flight is slightly less hassle then an international flight but not by much. Have also spent several hours in car trying to get from London to Cornwall which was a he'll of a lot more stressful then a 90 min flight to Marseille or wherever.

Yes, but at least you don't have to get yourself to the airport, get on a flight etc. don't tell me a car or a train journey within your own country is as stressful or inconvenient.

To be honest I have been to a few UK based weddings that have cost me way more then a wedding in France or Italy.

DSIS had a destination wedding. It was amazing.

They provided accommodation for the wedding party for the night before and after the wedding.
All other guests had to sort themselves. However, all food and drink for 2 days was supplied and they asked for no presents.

A friend did something very similar.

That’s most people’s annual holiday budget, and that’s before the cost of living went mad. I think it’s a loss of perspective to think people would want to have their one big holiday of the year be your wedding. Weddings can be fun but there is also a lot of standing around. I’d never ask that of people no matter how in love I was!

No you are not being unreasonable.

They shouldn’t have to pay BUT they should scope out the affordability with people they really want there and be prepared to compromise if they need to before they book. We got married abroad but didn’t invite anyone. Not in a bad way we just wanted it to be for us and had a party in uk later on.

No, I don't think that the couple should pay for everyone. I also don't think that the couple should feel put out that guests decline the invite because they cant afford to/don't want to fork out to come to the wedding.

Exactly this. I know a woman who had a rough family, and she purposefully chose to marry abroad so they wouldn’t come.

I have always wondered about this as a reason for this type of wedding.