AIBU to leave the dog?

maybe read this @fieldsofbutterflies

https://www.gov.uk/get-your-dog-cat-microchipped

No, you take the dog, just include her in your plans. You have an obligation to her.

Take the dog if he wo t look after her properly

@chargrilledchickenyum microchip isn't proof of ownership.

ha!

you don’t understand microchipping do you?

i highly doubt the op knows log in details for microchip

op do you work? i’d be squirrelling away money so that i could afford to move in to a place that accepts dogs. Then id play it cool with the ex re the dog, making out you’d be relieved not to be tied to the dog and walks and expense. I can almost guarantee he will react by pushing you to take the dog!

What nonsense. That just paperwork.

You can take this issue to the courts and even if he is the legal owner (and registered to him at the vet, insurance and on the the microchip database) they will also take other issues into account:
– Who paid for/ formally adopted the dog
– Who usually walks and takes care of the dog
– Who pays for dog’s expenses

The problem is that if all the paperwork etc. is in his name, then the rest is largely irrelevant and hard to prove. And yes, I know a microchip doesn't prove anything either but it definitely helps.

I also don't think a court will be remotely interested in who paid for dog food in a relationship where both parties live together and share expenses.

Can you leave, set yourself up in your own place and then try to get the dog back? (When you’re more settled and not staying with family). I know you say he wants to keep the dog, but if you do most of her day to day care currently - do you think if she was with him for a few weeks he might change his mind?

There are charities that do foster, but not sure of eligibility. Worth having a look though?

I'd just take the dog tbh. Insurance is not proof of ownership, you can change her registered details at the vet and if you know his log in to the microchip company you can change registered owner online too. The current owner does usually have to verify the change which is why you would need his login, although they also will sometimes send a form by post so if you intercept it, you could take care of that...not that I always advocate sneaky tactics, but if you jointly own the dog and you do her care and she is more attached to you, I'd do it anyway.

I love my dog immensely and couldn’t think of leaving her, but, in your situation he is using the dog to control you and stop you leaving.

Get legal advice re the joint house/mortgage and move out. Don’t tell him you are doing this. Do tell your family/friends/work and GP.

so you got on to owning the property
but nothing in relation to the dog?

Who owns the house?

If you need to leave an abusive relationship, you need to leave. Accommodation could be difficult, unless you can organise that first.

Also it would be harder to make a clean break if he came after you wanting to get the dog back, not least with the admin involved in changing insurance etc.

Leaving a pet feels crap - I've done it - but sometimes you need to prioritise your safety over a pet.

You have made the decision to leave and it’s a brave one. There really isn’t any turning back with you feeling the way that you do, you have been turning it over in your mind and you know it’s the right thing. So that’s a done deal really.

So he is blackmailing you to stay by using the dog as leverage, which is fairly disgraceful. If you haven’t worked out where you are going to live yet, you don’t know whether you will or will not be able to take the dog with you, but your concern over her wellbeing if she stayed with him is valid.

You can take this issue to the courts and even if he is the legal owner (and registered to him at the vet, insurance and on the the microchip database) they will also take other issues into account:
– Who paid for/ formally adopted the dog
– Who usually walks and takes care of the dog
– Who pays for dog’s expenses

If you can prove that getting the dog was a joint decision that you made together then this again can provide some mitigation against the fact that you’re not listed on some key documents.

Good luck, separation is stressful enough but more so when children and pets are involved.

Huh? the dog has a home and an owner
the STBX

I bet if you leave he will soon work out a dig us hard work and be willing for you to take it once you have got a place sorted.

his property or you joint owner?

I think that one of the animal charities has a scheme to foster pets short term for people in difficult situations. Maybe Dogs Trust.

you wouldn’t
the dog is to all intents and purposes… his

Once you find a home perhaps you could see the dog occasionally?
Your dog's important to you and part of your family of coursenyou are torn.
Don't stay in that misery.
Will he stay and you could visit the dog?

I don't have a dog so maybe it's hard to see your perspective but you and your wellbeing are more important than the dog. Sort yourself out first (the oxygen mask analogy) then think about the dog. Your OH may well realise it's too much responsibility and let you have the dog anyway in time. Good luck.