How to not get jealous of luckily wealthy people?

Having money is not the only measure of success or fulfillment.

I was born poor but ended up lucky rich via marriage. Not Pippa Middleton rich by any means, but 2 dcs in London private school rich. I can't pretend I did anything to end up like this except meeting a man (who is a lovely partner and very equal). I had some less lucky circumstances before I met him but it's not really as if that evens things out. But it's like anything in life, money, health, children, jobs. Sometimes it works out well and people have done nothing to deserve their good fortune, and others have done nothing to deserve their misfortune.

Teenagers + elderly relative to care for is shit. Lots of middle aged women are find themselves in that "shit sandwich" as another poster put it. You're in the thick of it. Deep breath. It will be OK.

In 25/30 years you would give anything to be at the age, health and appearance you are at now, stay off social media, set rules with your kids, they are old enough to not leave mess. Life is a slog, if you became really ill you would be so mad at yourself for being jealous, I went through this stage you are at now, and then I had a massive health scare, f*ck me it change my prospective on life! I would rather be skint than go through that again!

I'm sorry you've had some bad luck and it sounds as though things are difficult for you right now. It's fine to to have your feelings.

But, you can change the way you think about this. Yes, some people have more money than you, and more things, and maybe have a better life (in your eyes). So what? What's the point being jealous? They're not you. They don't have what you have. I don't look like a film star or a model, should I be jealous of them? I can't play concert piano, should I be jealous of someone that can? My house has 3 bedrooms and their house has five. It's raining where I live, should I be jealous of someone who lives where it isn't raining. It's totally wasted energy.

Focus on what you do have, enjoy the people around you and your interests. Make little steps to improve your life everyday (that are achievable). Look for meaning in your work and relationships. Enjoy every sandwich. Stay off social media. Speak to people on the phone. Bump into people you meet in the street and have spontaneous conversations. Get some exercise and move your body. Spend time in nature. And stop comparing yourself to other people.

The only person you are hurting by doing this is yourself - surely that's a good reason to stop?

This. Come on OP. Have a word with yourself.

I hear you OP. It can be shit sometimes and you’re allowed to feel like this even if there are others worse off. No point suppressing feelings they are all valid.

My mother used to say to me ‘worse things happen at sea’ or make me watch PollyFuckinganna and tell me to be glad like she was . It didn’t help it made me more irritated.

You sound overwhelmed and exhausted. Kids going through GCSEs is hard and you have 2 ! I hope you can find something small each day to make you feel just a bit better till the crap time passes. Even a short walk in the fresh air or a decent coffee or watch something funny. I hope it all gets better soon

You absolutely have time to wash your hair, that’s a ridiculous thing to say.
and im terribly sorry you can’t afford a cleaner, I mean, the rest of us manage just fine, the world wont end.

seriously, comparison is the thief of joy. It sounds like you’re actually doing pretty ok. Stop looking for things to complain about.

We are all rich compared to some and we are all poor compared to others.

Growing up we were lied to that hard work correlated to money and sucesss. That's certainly not the case in this financial climate. And there have always been people who do the bare minimum and still earn their salary.

The people with the new 4×4s and detached houses won't be satisfied either, they'll want newer, bigger or better.

It's funny, I'm rarely envious of wealthy people but when I am, it's the self-made people that make me feel that way. The "organically wealthy" are just so remote from me, I can't relate at all.

The self-made give me a bit of hope, something to thrive for, as well as admiration, but at the same time, I'm well-aware it comes with sacrifice I'm not willing to make, and requires skills I don't have (or not willing to acquire)

As I say though, I'm rarely envious, I have enough and am aware that many people don't have that chance. And overall, sounds very corny, but my relationships are what is most precious to me. And in that department, I'm very rich.

Very true. And I remind myself that there is nothing material that I really want that I can’t afford, I have simple tastes in most things.

Don't pay attention to celebrity stuff?

I don't know. My frame of reference I suppose is where I grew up where my family was amongst the better off and I saw a lot of poverty and chaotic families around me.

Try not to look to the wealthy as having ideal lives. There's only so much money can really improve your life, there will be a saturation point at which nothing seems special or a treat any more because you can go on holiday or out to dinner or have a shopping spree any time.

Money does not stop wealthy people from being cheated on, getting divorced, having health and addiction problems etc. Money is useful up to a point but then it's just more ... stuff.

being jealous of someone else won’t make them any poorer, nor you any better off.

Don't waste energy on jealously. You have no idea, they could be utterly miserable. And make your kids tidy after themselves, that's a non negotiable in our house.

Sounds like you have a lot on.

Being a sandwich between elderly relatives and stressed teenagers is not easy.

GCSEs will be over soon. Then you will have a break and teens tend to be less stressed with a levels.

But on another level:

Britain has never been a society where working hard gets you rich.

The easiest ways to get rich:
Be born rich
Be insanely clever like someone like Dems Hassabis or Terence Tao (and use it to make money)
Marry someone rich
At age 18 analyse which Jobs make lots of money (finance, law, accountancy) and do one of those specialising in the money sides whether you like it or not. Try not to get fired and you'll need to work long hours because everyone else is doing those jobs to get rich too)

I’m not sure it’s helpful to combat jealousy by imagining the focus of that is secretly miserable. Basing your happiness/satisfaction on someone else’s imagined doesn’t strike me as being particularly healthy tbh. Some people are as lucky and as happy as they appear, and equally those in a less fortunate financial position can be utterly miserable in every aspect of their lives.

it may be easier said than done, but focus on yourself. Look at what you do have the potential to improve in your life, and work to do so.

I know what you mean. Knew one or two like this. Privately but not uni educated, married privately educated men, gave up work when first of many children born, now children grown up are working part time for pin money, live in the most expensive areas in the county.

I”m grateful for what I have though. Lovely DH, health, nice home, occupational pension…..

Or luckily healthy, luckily clever, luckily youthful, luckily popular, luckily lovable, luckily talented, luckily fertile, luckily lucky.........OMG it's a wonder I can bother to get up in the mornings but I do because I'm luckily grateful for what I do have

You will drive yourself mad comparing.

Dd best friends mum is properly insanely rich - think manor and staff. She called as I was at the tip. She had no concept of the tip or even what it was! Cracked me up!

One of my friends is lucky rich. He’s really unhappy. You’d never know it from the outside or his social media or whatever but basically he feels like he is lesser because he didn’t really truly earn his money (albeit he makes out to all but close friends that he did).
I earn a pittance but I think I have way more job satisfaction than he does.

I am a LP without support, I privately rent and things are tough. There's always someone who has it worse off.

https://www.givingwhatwecan.org/how-rich-am-i

Try this. I found with a meagre income I was still richer than over 85% of the rest of the world.

I get it, its really hard not to feel jealous.

All those saying ‘oh they might be ill / have a terrible husband / be unhappy’ equally, they’re probably not. Some people are just lucky and happy!

The same could be true of poorer people as well - so you could be unhealthy, miserable and poor.

Whats the saying ‘I’d rather cry in a Ferrari than a Ford’

But anyway, it’s normal to feel jealous. I’d work on just accepting the jealousy, allow yourself to feel resentful and that life is a bit unfair, and then try and focus on the good aspects of your life.

People will always be better off than you, but equally, I’m sure lots of people would like your lifestyle too.