How to not get jealous of luckily wealthy people?

What are they measuring income on? It says I’m 6.2x richer than the average but that would be £1k per month and no household can run on that? Do they take housing benefit etc into account??

meant to quote @noroboro

I think having low level jealousy is normal but it shouldn't occupy your thoughts or make you feel bad about your own circumstances.

I never imagined myself being incredibly wealthy, so I wouldn't compare myself to something I know I won't ever get. To me 2 parents working, having little savings is normal and to be expected. I feel lucky that I am married to a great man, that we see both able to hold down jobs, that we've been able to buy a house. But also that we live in in safe country, with a (admittedly a bit fucked up) healthcare system. You only have to look briefly at the news to see many people in this world are in significantly worse positions than most in the UK. Or to be honest walk down the street in any city.

So it's okay to be a bit envious, of course we'd all love to win the lottery or find a distant relative has left a massive inheritance, but its not good to dwell. Your life could be a lot worse

@Bluesky91 Pippa Middleton's parents didn't come from wealth though. They made it themselves by being entrepreneurs.....

If you and your DH makes it the same way, your DC will be like Pipla Middleton ...

Envy her parents skill and courage. Not her

This is good advice. If you don't even have time to shower, time for others to step up. You can't pour from an empty cup.
GCSEs will pass. This too shall pass.

I’m not sure it’s helpful to combat jealousy by imagining the focus of that is secretly miserable

Exactly. While it's true that the very wealthy also suffer hardships, not having to worry about money while in the midst of it is still a benefit. Accept that truth and just get over it.

Jealousy is normal and most of us have experienced it ( though we're ashamed and embarrassed to admit it). The key is to not allow yourself to be consumed by it.

So allow yourself to wallow in self-pity for a minute then take some action to make your situation a little easier. Start with assigning housework chores to everyone that lives in the house; you are not the only one capable of cleaning. Free up some time for yourself, you don't have to be a martyr!

I don't get this at all. The one thing I do find a bit frustrating is when someone who loses a parent is lucky enough to get an inheritance, but then kicks off if anyone mentions it, or says 'how dare you! Of course I'd rather have the loved one than the money!' if anyone references their inheritance.

Well yeah, obviously, but many of us have to lose parents and then get plunged into debt because of it or don't have a paid-off house to cry in. It just comes across as very naive. It's okay to acknowledge that if your parents die and you get money you are lucky to have the money.

But otherwise, nah. If you have time to sit here reading MN in a safe country with a roof over your head and enough food in the fridge you're already rich.

Every coin has two sides....

Focus your energy on getting your DC to do more in the house, your DH too.

Thanks to the poster who linked to the percentage calculator
I do lots of counting my blessings but it is hard not to wonder if we have made the right decisions in the way we have lived our life. especially when we see people apparently floating through life- one person I know whose biggest problem seems to be which shade to get the decorators to use for the weekend bolthole - away from the main house which is already a country pile three times the size of mine/ while they are away on their third holiday abroad this year.

Take inspiration from them and be grateful for what you have. I find J.K Rowling is a good example as her successes have arisen directly from her failures. Be the best you can be, make smart decisions and focus on the longterm instead of the shortterm. Health is wealth aswell. For example; there's no use living in a mansion with billions in the bank and you live each day in pain.

That sounds hard OP.

Are you a little depressed do you think?

Be jealous. Makes no difference to your life or theirs. Worrying about being jealous is a real waste of time. If you can't fight it, just lean into it.

Well when your friends on benefits with more disposable income than you right now reach 68, they'll get £10,800 per annum. You will get that and an occupational pension.

You also have e the satisfaction of knowing that you are independent and probably put in as much or more than you take out. That's something to be proud of.

You are also instilling into your children a good work ethic.

We are very comfortable, and probably moderately wealthy. If I look up I see people with several houses, yachts and private jets. Good luck to them I say.

Can you be thankful for the things you have: healthy children, a comfortable home, happiness. Even the things around you: a blue sky, a blooming rose, the soft warmth of a loving cat, a spritz of perfume?

I buried a little baby in 1997. People see my beautiful home, reasonable clothes, lovely grown up DC, sometimes have a pop at my career and the hours I work (I like work - it fills a void made in 1997), I can't actually think of what to spend my salary on because there's nothing I want or need.

Be glad for what you have op - even the shit bits - which we all deal with.

And FFS get yourself some nice shower gel and spend 6 minutes having a shower, feeling the jets of hot water around you and let some of the days stress put down the plughole.

Most people are similar I think .It is irrelevant if you have been to Uni or not. I have a Cousin ,who is very glamourous wealthy and well travelled .She is very kind too .Its hard not to be envious sometimes ,but she has no children or dogs and has worked FT. I think there is more coverage of people like Pippa Middleton and people who have "worked hard"(havent we all)! Self made millilonaires Rather than swathes of people at food banks ,Poorer pensioners and single parents .I also think a car ,home and food to buy

I expected you to say your kids were under ten. Twins doing their GCSE should frankly know better. The not tidying up after themselves is a parenting issue, if you have a dishwasher they should be using it, they should be capable of hoovering and cleaning their own rooms at the very least. Do you work full time? I really don't see how you don't have time to wash your own hair, literally take 5 minutes to have a shower. Starting a business is always a risk and it's a shame that covid affected your negatively.

Jealousy will get you nowhere. Perhaps start doing some mindfulness and start your day with positive affirmations. If you are suffering perhaps see your GP.

😂

I totally agree money doesn’t equal happiness
I could be on £60K a year now but I gave up that life after Covid and now work outdoors for much less. Me and DH live in a modest home, have modest cars and go away once a year (we used to go on expensive holidays first class) but I tell you what I’m happier. I have mental health issues and my medication is down 5 fold since changing career. So I can’t really be jealous

Comparison is the thief of joy

^
Oh god this again.

So sick of this being trotted out on here. It's as if were all a bunch of bloody puritans on MN!

It's fine to be jealous, op. You're allowed.

You forget. Pippa authored a party planning book to help her get to where she is today.

You are (probably) in the top 1% of wealthy people in the world. You have chosen to focus your envy on the top 0.1% of people. That’s never going to end well.

You're equating money with happiness, that's foolish.

Many people would be jealous of your life.

But additionally I know it's hard to do that with money struggles and the way things are going. I think it's a matter of time and patience. You'll be really proud of yourself and your family once you've got through it all and can feel better. I hope things get easier for you!

Not abnormal to feel jealous sometimes, you’re only human. I have friends who will inherit more than what I spent decades working to earn and whose parents buy them their homes and cars etc, meanwhile I have to give my parents money and pay for everything. Also friends who live in extremely fancy houses and have daily cleaners and gardeners because they married someone rich.

important to realise though that it is a waste of energy thinking that way. Like with everything else that causes u happiness you need to focus on what you can control otherwise it’s just wasted energy. Someone told me practicing gratitude ( writing a list of things you are happy about ) would help, and I’ve tried that when I’m down and it does!

It's called life. It's a treadmill for most people who work, have children etc .It's been like this forever, unless you are aristocratic,, born into money or win the lottery,,!! Those women you see with the detached houses and 4×4s, how do you know they are happy? Their husbands may be wealth but they might be controlling arseholes.
I think.you are being slightly unfair giving Pippa Middleton as an example of a wealthy layabout. Yes she had a nice middle class upbringing, married well etc, but as another pp pointed out, her sister is battling cancer and all and riches in the world can't take away her fears for her sister

I think it's important to remember money doesn't equal happiness and purpose, plenty of rich people who have it handed to them have things they'd be envious of in others who don't have money.

I used to be a jealous type but I realised it gives me nothing. It just makes me bitter and gives me a chip on my shoulder over something that is absolutely none of my business. There's a man who works on the farm I'm on and he's always so positive about everyone and when it's someone rich or someone who has more than him he's pleased for them and lets himself admire it then moves on. But he also does the same with people with no money, the same admiration and positivity could be for someone's car they fixed or someone's garden. He's happy with what's in his plate and isn't looking at others trying to see who has more food.

Maybe we could all be a bit more like him. I think he's like that because he's so grateful and happy for his life even if it doesn't look like a lot compared to others. He loves being on the farm, he loves being in the countryside and he loves his vegetable patch and chickens.

I'm not sure why I'm ranting about him so much 👀

Also another man I know who's from the countryside he works as a digger driver and he's the most content man I've met along with the other man I spoke of. I saw him once at a country fair, he had his van and he had lit a little bonfire and had his dog and he was just laying back in the sun smiling to himself waiting for his water to boil for tea while some bacon cooked on the pan. I remember thinking "that's happiness", and he also never is jealous of others or gets funny about it.

In short I think the trick is to make peace with your own life and see enough is as good as a feast.

sorry for the novel!