To ask DH to only attend one of these wedding events?

No, you are not bring unreasonable in your first request. But unfortunately he seems unwilling or unable to compromise at all so you're a bit stuck, it seems.

Yes YABU there’s no reason why a parent can’t look after their own children so that partner can go to important events.

The problem you have is nothing to do with the 2 trips, it’s to do with his other behaviour (which you don’t seem willing to acknowledge).

Im pretty certain if he was “helpful” all the rest of the time you wouldn’t even be asking this question.

@Growlybear83 and is it okay that he would refuse to do it

Of course you are being very unreasonable. Your husband is clearly close to his cousin and hopefully this will be the cousin's only wedding. You can't expect him to miss either of the ceremonies. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to expect you to look after your children alone for two nights on two occasions for a reason like a wedding.

Lord help me.

If I ever become a single-parent I would not like to embarrass myself with this kind of bitterness and insecurity.

OP he is being unreasonable. DH would not be going to both with such a little baby in the house because he wouldn’t want to. No break for such a long time? This would be a relationship ending row for me and we don’t even yell at each other.

In that case he is being massively unfair. And a complete knob.

As you're on mat leave and the children are young, could he take annual leave and you all travel to Wales for the week? At least he's close by then.

Hands up I'm biased here as a military wife who spends months on my own with my kids, but it's a family event, it's just 2 weekends (though it's a bloody awkward way of doing it and don't think your DH should feel like he HAS to do both) I think if he genuinely wants to go, and the expense is manageable for you, I think it is unreasonable to ask him not to on the basis you can't cope with the kids in your own as the main and only reason. But I have declared my bias as to why I think that!

How is it not a problem that you'd never be able to have a weekend off and you don't get more than an hour break during the week?

That's the problem here

Well I guess he didn’t plan for it to be two weekends in a row- it just happened that way (not his cubicle the dates) so I understand him wanting to go to both - but - if he’s not very helpful otherwise then he needs to re think that or step up.

so do you think he would he agree for you to have some time away even if not consecutive? Two separate weekends or even one night a time (so you could spread it out and get smaller but more frequent breaks?) or start with two separate nights then once he’s had that bit of practice on his own you could book a long weekend away? (Obviously after breastfeeding)
or you could go aqua just you and baby.

my DH seems clueless when I am Around - but when I go away on my own he manages just fine! I don’t give give him a choice lol.

If he was a really hands on dad, and these were the only 2 weekends he would leave you on your own for for the foreseeable future and he was planning to do everything he could between them to make life easier for you, then possibly responses would be different but he sounds like a selfish arse

Your DH is being unreasonable by not helping to prepare you for the weekends alone or even saying I'll take a couple of days or each Monday off to help give you a break.

But can we please have a moan about the the actual 2 weekend in row/no children wedding events?? What complete fuckwits to expect everyone with kids to join them for 2 weekends in a row child free?? This beggars belief!

Could he take the week between the events off work, you all go to Wales and book a nice little holiday cottage nearish to the events? That way he gets to go to both events but even if he camps he only leaves you at say lunchtime on Saturday, he’s back lunchtime on Sunday, then you’re on holiday in between so plenty of time for him to make that up by letting you have a break.

YABU. He should go to both wedding events.

Won't say anything else for fear of getting head bitten off (but your husband is a shit one and you won't get anywhere playing the martyr)

This thread isn’t going to stick to that question because you have much bigger problems.

But he’s not picking up for OP is he?

🤨 I was a single parent (with no contact at all from their dad) with an 18month old and 6 week old. Stayed that way for 5 years… and you can’t manage two weekends?

You’re a partnership. This is being a partnership. You pick up for him and he picks up for you. Arrange your own time away for other weekends so you get a break, but don’t stop him going to a family wedding.

@mrsbyers don’t suppose many women plan to be a single mother to 2 small DC one being a 4 month old.

If there are 2 parents and a small baby, compromise is the key. Partner can go to one event, doesn’t need to be both

His behaviour is very poor and not your fault. However, you are condoning it by having children with him knowing that he won't parent them.
Your options seem to be to put up with it or have a tit-for-tat in terms of time away from the children
But I suspect the latter, if you even try it, will lead to a swift marriage breakdown as he doesn't seem like the kind of man that will put up with you expecting him to share parenting

This isn't vastly true. A lot of single parents (myself included) were single / default parents before they separated. Men having affairs, deadbeat husbands and fathers, fathers going out all the time etc..

Often, it really doesn't made a difference to the workload. When I separated from STBXH my workload was much the same, apart from a smaller amount of washing.

This would be a non issue for me because my husband is a full and proper parent/partner all the time. He’d help me prepare, make food, so shopping etc and arrange for his mum to be on standby.

Your husband doesn’t pull his weight and isn’t a kind man.

So that’s the issue.

The wedding is just noise.

And no, his behaviour isn’t your fault but I suspect it’s not new so shouldn’t be a surprise.