Manipulated by women that “can’t”

I’m a 34 year old woman and an excellent driver, but I can’t drive at night. Due to vision.
Had the first surgery on my eyes when I was 5 years old, and several since. My vision is fine for driving, I go to the opticians every 6 months to keep on top of it and make sure and I am legal to drive, but I do struggle at night. Not enough to lose my license and no one could stop me driving in the dark, but I know I don’t see as well and I know it’s not worth the risk. So I don’t. Is that ok with you?

Yes, but thats NOT being an introvert! thats the entire point. If you hate others then you are a misanthropist. Dont lump us all together 😉 I suspect people use the word introvert because it sounds more benign. If you dislike everyone, at least own it and call it what it is.

Sure but some people do dislike others, it’s just a fact.

“Introversion” is a handy smokescreen for that

Yes I can see that but it has twisted the meaning of the word so that any time anyone mentions it, people now roll their eyes and think we hate people or that we think we are somehow "special".

It's irritating because thats not where we are coming from at all and it's very reductive thinking. You can enjoy solitude without having a distain or dislike of others.

The work thing ... can't start til later = needed discussing at interview if they have issues. If not then they'll have to leave or agree part time hours unless it doesn't work for the business then it would be leave

The other the things are ' lol you're joking right ?!

Sure, I agree it’s not really introversion but the scenario is the same as saying a prolapse is “back pain” as mentioned earlier, it’s hard to tell others that you prefer solitude and generally don’t like being near other people - they take it personally.

“Introversion” is a handy smokescreen for that.

It may not automatically make someone a dickhead and there are often reasons why people feel this way but it is not a benign choice to eschew society. It’s problematic. It has ramifications for those close to you.

And it certainly has nothing to do with being an introvert.

@cherrypieandcoffee

It does not mean that I hate everyone, cant stand talking to anyone or that I expect to live my entire life as a fcking hermit. Thats not being an introvert, thats being a bit of a dickhead.

Nailed it. I also have introvert tendencies at times and I find this reductive in the extreme.

There is so much of this on here. “I haven’t left my house for years, I hate people, have given up work and refuse to interact with anyone other than my spouse and children. I few furiously affronted when someone tries to make small talk in a shop queue. I refuse to open the door to strangers. I’m an introvert, see!”

No you’re not an introvert. You’re a self absorbed twat.

Sure- there are times when I dont feel like it either. I am referring to people who are misanthropic about others and hateful about it. Thats not being introverted. People use the word introvert to indicate a hatred of others and thats not what its about.

Exactly this. I have met a few deliberately helpless people but learned long ago that it's best to keep a few steps back and largely ignore them, for their own good and mine. If you really have so many of these people around you, you seriously need to rethink your life choices...

Not wanting to socialise or interact with others does not make anyone “a dickhead”.

If people prefer to do that it’s totally fine, their choice, nobody is missing out.

@Catsmere hehe! the misuse of that word really irritates me too

@cherrypieandcoffee Snap! 😆

My particular bugbear is the ridiculous over-use of the label “introvert” which is usually misapplied to a misanthropic person who has no motivation to get out and spend time with other people. As if a very occasional requirement to come into the office or attend a work social is an affront to someone’s dignity. It’s very childish and self indulgent

I agree with this entirely. I am an introvert. I love people and I love socialising. All it means is, that I need space and time on my own to recharge afterwards, thats where I get my energy from and I can happily spend time on my own. It does not mean that I hate everyone, cant stand talking to anyone or that I expect to live my entire life as a fcking hermit. Thats not being an introvert, thats being a bit of a dickhead.

@Thepeopleversuswork

My particular bugbear is the ridiculous over-use of the label “introvert” which is usually misapplied to a misanthropic person who has no motivation to get out and spend time with other people

That always irritates me, too. I'm an introvert - all it means is that I do better having some time alone to recharge the batteries. It does NOT mean being shy, or anxious, or misanthropic. I love the company of friends and socialise most days of the week. But I happily come home for some quiet afterward.

I think that’s very true. The medicalisation of low level anxiety particularly worries me.

I think people (men and women) seem to have forgotten that a certain amount of social discomfort and social competition is part of the drive behind success. Not everyone wants to be an elite athlete or a Goldman Sachs rainmaker and no one should be forced to put themselves in positions that make them miserable but to some extent pushing yourself beyond your comfort zones (whatever those may be) is what helps people grow.

I see this all the time in threads where people rail against the expectation that they will interact with other people at all. My particular bugbear is the ridiculous over-use of the label “introvert” which is usually misapplied to a misanthropic person who has no motivation to get out and spend time with other people. As if a very occasional requirement to come into the office or attend a work social is an affront to someone’s dignity. It’s very childish and self indulgent.

It sends a really awful message to children and young people that they can and should avoid other people purely because they aren’t feeling on top of the world or they are lazy.

All of us sometimes struggle with confidence and self projection. Sometimes that needs to be accommodated but sometimes avoiding these things just entrenches the fear and makes it harder.

I don't know why you would leverage your own ignorance to interrogate the veracity of a statement. That is particularly myopic.

As would I - and I also have never heard anyone in real life who was so allergic that they couldn't cope.

Yet another example of "only on MN".

It’s when the rest of the office then gang up on you for putting this individual into a meltdown.

I once answered a question on something I knew about.

Didn’t know the circumstances of the individual

Apparently I was public enemy No 1 because I made Sandra from accounts cry because she didn’t like my answer

No one can do everything and I get there are some people that can't do simple things that come naturally to others, me included. It is the attitude that annoys me when people can't sure you can't drive, use a computer package, open a packet, find directions or whatever but there is no need for the office to loudly hear you cant, the cries of 'I am being bullied because people don't know I can't find my way but send me to new a place' the dramatic signing and fake crying and the chip on your shoulder and 'the whole world is against me' saga and the 'it is all about me'
No a person did not deliberately buy a packet of coffee you cannot open it was because it was on special, just get on with it

But alos no need to be a martyr, use your voice and say no

I don’t need can’t in my life. I am not their taxi service, prof reader etc

Exactly this. If you cant sort it out yourself, thats shame isnt it, but I wont be doing it for you!

I actually don’t think it is an age thing. I have come across women much younger than me who can’t use the internet, can’t travel more than 1/2 mile from their home, can’t drive, just can’t on many subjects

After trying to offer solutions I now just say, that’s a pity and move on

I don’t need can’t in my life. I am not their taxi service, prof reader etc

It was when I noticed that any restaurant, outing I picked was always vetoed and only their wants mattered that I started to walk away

I have some sympathy with your point of view @Mistressofpemberly

I had a friend at work who had a long list of "can't" s including driving - especially on busy roads (so others always had to do any driving, both work related and social, countless lifts to pubs, restaurants etc) and leaving her dog at home beyond her set hours so could never do extra hours.

Imagine our surprise after several years of this when she suddenly announced a new job. One that involved driving to various sites and she has to drive on busy roads just to get to the new workplace, and a much longer working day (yes she still has the dog).

Having your own personal boundaries and not wanting to drive or do certain things is absolutely fine. I suspect the issue the OP is highlighting is not the fact that these people dont want to do xyz but that they are expecting HER to do it for them, on their behalf, or cater to their needs.

Eg. If a colleague of mine had an early/night flight and didnt feel comfortable driving to the airport in the dark, I have no problem with that at all- it's entirely up to them if they dont want to do it. However, what I wont do is get up at 3am and drive them there myself. Thats my boundary. They can get an Uber.

No problem at all if you choose not to do something, however, it's not then my responsibility to sort it out for you or on your behalf. I think thats the point.

I agree with PP who said this sounds like ageist, sexist bullshit.

I'm 60. I will not drive at night. I have no experience doing it (got my license a few years ago) and no need to do so. Only an emergency for one of my cats would make me consider it.

I would also not want to be breathing someone's extremely strong perfume in close quarters. Asthma and headaches would be the result.

As for the sneering at people having dislikes or intolerances for particular foods - well if you try to serve me hot, spicy food, Mexican or Indian for example, I will not eat it, because I know what it will do to me, and will think extremely poorly of anyone who knowingly served it.