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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Manipulated by women that “can’t”

317 replies

Mistressofpemberly · 22/05/2024 13:42

Professional in my fifties with friends and colleagues of same age.
I’m increasing noticing that I’m expected to fill the gap at work and in friendships by women of my age who have fixed ideas about what they can and can’t do. They are all high flying professionals in responsible roles. They are all single.

The feeling that I’m being imposed on has been creeping up on me. I have had a bit of a light bulb moment and recognised that their behaviour is manipulative and I feel that I am being controlled.
AIBU in this? Is it a ‘thing’. Anyone else seeing the same? Examples following….

OP posts:
Stripeysocks1981 · 22/05/2024 13:56

I literally cannot relate at all to what you’re saying. Everyone I know is a capable adult…feel like this is really unusual op.

DerekFaker · 22/05/2024 13:56

These sound more like 'don't want tos' rather then 'can't dos'.

EDIT: Which is obviously why you used quote marks!

RocketPanda · 22/05/2024 13:53

There's lots of things I can't do. Maybe these women can't either.

ByCupidStunt · 22/05/2024 13:53

Mistressofpemberly · 22/05/2024 13:51

eg.

  • can’t make their own way to airport for a weekend away
  • cant drive their car to meet up outside of a specified area
  • can’t Find their way from a to b even if it is only a 5 minute walk - meaning that I’m am expected to find them and take them there like a carer
  • can’t get off of bed to get into work before 10.30 / 11 because they ‘don’t work that way’
  • has to rearrange seating plans / travel plans as someone’s perfume is strong

just to reiterate these are professional women who are very well travelled and also hold down demanding jobs (albeit it seems on their own terms).

Do you think they mean it? Or do you think they are just saying that in order to get you to do the work?

Ace56 · 22/05/2024 13:52

Need examples, post is useless without them. You shouldn’t have published the post if you didn’t have time to write them!

GCAcademic · 22/05/2024 13:51

Why not put the examples in the OP? This isn't Twitter.

Original poster
Mistressofpemberly · 22/05/2024 13:51

eg.

  • can’t make their own way to airport for a weekend away
  • cant drive their car to meet up outside of a specified area
  • can’t Find their way from a to b even if it is only a 5 minute walk - meaning that I’m am expected to find them and take them there like a carer
  • can’t get off of bed to get into work before 10.30 / 11 because they ‘don’t work that way’
  • has to rearrange seating plans / travel plans as someone’s perfume is strong

just to reiterate these are professional women who are very well travelled and also hold down demanding jobs (albeit it seems on their own terms).

OP posts:
MartinsSpareCalculator · 22/05/2024 13:51

ByCupidStunt · 22/05/2024 13:43

I'm not sure exactly what they are saying they can't do but I can't stand women who say they can't drive on the motorway, or at night.

What is it they can't do?

Driving at night is something lots of people struggle with because of the amount of glare from other headlights. It has nothing to do with being a woman, except perhaps men not feeling comfortable saying they dislike it or find it hard.

ByCupidStunt · 22/05/2024 13:50

Is it a secret OP? What they are saying they can't do?

SapphireSlippers · 22/05/2024 13:50

Sitting waiting for the examples

MartinsSpareCalculator · 22/05/2024 13:50

Examples following what?

No I can't say I do experience it but I'm very much a just give it a go and get on with it sort of person so I can't imagine I'd be the person to come to in that sort of situation.

apostrophewoman · 22/05/2024 13:48

ByCupidStunt · 22/05/2024 13:43

I'm not sure exactly what they are saying they can't do but I can't stand women who say they can't drive on the motorway, or at night.

What is it they can't do?

Not meaning to sound like one of those women, but I'm 53 and I find driving at night to be more difficult as I get older; it doesn't stop me doing it but it is noticeably more difficult, I suppose as your eyes deteriorate.
Driving on motorways is no problem :)

EggcornAcorn · 22/05/2024 13:47

You need to be channelling Zammo more. Just say no. NO!

CountingCrones · 22/05/2024 13:46

Can't drive? Can't do the splits? Can't use a spreadsheet? Can't be arsed?

ByCupidStunt · 22/05/2024 13:43

I'm not sure exactly what they are saying they can't do but I can't stand women who say they can't drive on the motorway, or at night.

What is it they can't do?

crenellations · 22/05/2024 13:43

I don't understand what you are being asked/ expected to do?

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 22/05/2024 13:43

Like what?