Manipulated by women that “can’t”

Oh sorry @CurlewKate I have mistakenly quoted you. Someone else came up with that ageist crap about older women being anxious.
My young DD refuses to go anywhere by herself so that's so much bollocks.

I am 52 and have travelled solo across the world, including dangerous countries like Thailand, India and Turkey. I continue to do it now. Ageism is apparently the last acceptable bigotry.

Why does being single have any relevance? Maybe they just can't be arsed with things they don't want to do anymore. You don't have to pick up the slack. If I didn't want to drive to an a somewhere I would get the train there, or just not go.

No one I know is this much of a wet lettuce. A couple are scared of the Tube but they take Uber and don't make it my problem.

For the most part these sound like a female version of strategic incompetence - a "can't be bothered" rather than "am unable to." But you lost me at "they're all single." Any specific reason you saw fit to stress this fact rather than "they're all blue-eyed?" Is this whole post some roundabout way of slagging off single people, or rather, single women?

"Ime lots of women I know in their 50s have become pathetically rigid about what they will and won’t do. They’ve finally reached an age where they’ve got the confidence to say no to bollocks that doesn’t suit them and that’s it. Any tiny thing out of their comfort zone is not entertained. Even if it’s to meet you halfway as a friend. "

Ageist bollocks.

😊
Very true.
Me too, or can't be bothered anymore.
It finally dawned on me 3 years ago at 42 yo,
that I simply can't or won't and don't care.
Maybe they are similar.

It's all in the narrative, isn't it? One woman's "pathetically rigid" is another woman's 'good boundaries, high self worth and enough corporate capital to go somewhere more suitable should the need arise'.

Ime lots of women I know in their 50s have become pathetically rigid about what they will and won’t do. They’ve finally reached an age where they’ve got the confidence to say no to bollocks that doesn’t suit them and that’s it. Any tiny thing out of their comfort zone is not entertained. Even if it’s to meet you halfway as a friend.

I would not call it ‘manipulative’ though… so I can’t vote either way!

Knew I’d get this reply. No, that is not the nature of my work, but I don’t want to be outing. I’ve used the word ‘client’ loosely. In my line of work the ‘client’ provides the materials.

I can’t stand women who judge other women for their anxiety.

I still don't really see your point.

If people can't do things, they don't do them. You don't have to step in. If you don't want to give a friend a lift to the airport for a weekend away together, you don't have to go away with them. In the 'can't get to work at a certain time' example, this isn't an issue for you unless you are their boss, in which case you would perfectly within your rights to tell them they don't have a choice unless they can demonstrate that they qualify for reasonable adjustments under the equality act. The perfume example - really not your problem. If they want to change their travel or seating, that's up to them.

And what does it matter whether they're male or female or how old they are?

I would also add that just because someone is professional and well-travelled, that doesn't mean they don't have issues you aren't aware of. I am professional and well-travelled, but I'm also dyspraxic and this means I can't drive and I also can't find my way from A to B unless I have Google Maps, and even then I'd need extra time for when I go wrong. If the A to B is within a building, and therefore not mapped, I'd find it almost impossible unless there were signs or you'd given me a full set of directions. I'm not thick, lazy or weak and I have no interest in manipulating anyone. I'm in my late 40s and I'm very much past the point where I'm prepared to tolerate someone telling me I should be able to do things I literally cannot do simply because I happen to be 'professional and well-travelled'.

If what you're saying is that you think your friends/family are using these examples as excuses not to do things with you, then maybe have a think about why multiple people would want to do that, because you're the common denominator.

I'd take someone who doubted their own competence to handle a vehicle safely, and so opted out, all day long over the "I'm a good driver, me" unconciously incompetent types who never question their own excellence behind the wheel. Surely better to self exclude from an activity you feel you may not carry out safely than go ahead regardless so not to annoy randoms? Seems to be what everybody moaning about older people being unsafe drivers usually wants them to do!

Some of this is learned helplessness and/or increased fear of the world as they've got older - the airport, driving, directions etc. I'm not sympathetic to this at all - you can choose not to do those things, but I'm not going to do it for you without a good reason. eg I have a very good friend with anxiety. She puts a lot of effort into managing it (and I'm aware of those efforts), but there are certain things she just can't do and I would never force her. But she's a good friend, not some random stranger and I know the bigger story/context.

Others are just women deciding what they are or are not willing to do. That's fine... as long as they accept there may be consequences for making these choices.

I have seen people on here talking about being completely unwilling to travel alone in European cities and/or use public transport and I find that sort of helplessness infuriating. I could not be friends with those people because it's such a blanket response with no alternative.

Agree.
In our office if I was forced to generalise in terms of age or sex I think everyone here would agree it’s the under 30s that struggle with making an ‘effort’. However I’d like to think we are just unlucky in that. We don’t do face to face interviews prior to employing in order to avoid all forms of discrimination……maybe we need to review that!

Yes...don't want to: I wonder if the OP is a man or a woman?

On the contrary, all the women in their 50s I know are extremely capable and the people that actually get shit done.

Definitely a whiff of the “old women are useless” about this.

Architect, 50s here
I can think of quite a few male colleagues that are just like your examples

including,
can’t drive to site can I pick them up ooh and can someone pick up their steel toe cap shoes from the office as they forgot them
can’t go into work unless someone drives them there and back….I know🤯
does bugger all when working from home ( single male and married, no kids )
can’t flush the loo or close the door after 💩
expects others to make them tea never offers to do the same for the group

me me me, my design, no no one helped…..cf grabbing praise for work they didn’t do!

To
conclude
Its not just a woman thing
Its a bullying, controlling, entitled and lazy thing.

I will say that as I have gotten older, I have gotten much better at standing up for myself. If plans in personal or professional situations are going to make me absolutely miserable, I now speak up. For personal, I will just bow out. They can go on their merry way without me. For professional, I accommodate difficult, but truly awful, I say something and get it changed.

I had someone try to schedule an all-day meeting that would have forced me to leave my house at 2am. The company didn’t want to pay for a hotel. I was quoting Danny Glover from Lethal Weapon pretty much immediately on that one. We compromised and did the meeting online. When I was just starting out, I would have been too scared and timid to put my foot down, plus the sleep deprivation would not have impacted me as much.

Oh OP I absolutely get what you are saying .

It's like some sort of universal curse . Where women have found their voice at last but seem to have forgotten that imposing their needs and wants often impacts those of us who aren't so prescriptive.

The 'I don't drive if it's raining/snowing/too hot/cold /on motorways/country roads /when there's an r in the month brigade. .. however they expect you to AND to go out of your way to give them a lift.

I only work 7am -3pm despite a flexible work policy that is meant to work both ways.. thus nearly avoiding 4 hours of customer facing time. (For us plans to do) .. and no . Not health or child care related just because that's how they 'work' .. and managers too wet to take them to task.

Then you've never met me.

I've had 'no perfume' as a reasonable adjustment in multiple work places. It's not a rare request.

So many people can’t drive at night for so many reasons whether it be on a motorway or any other road. Someone choosing not to drive at night isn’t affecting your life so why let it bother you? What an odd post.

Like pps say they're entitled to have their feelings about what they are capable of, or what they like doing or not.

What is under your control is the ability to say no, or deflect them, or stop problem-solving for them.

Or just avoid them if it's too much for you! You're allowed to have boundaries too.

I agree I don't think it's an age or gender thing. All people can be timewasters.

However, I do think that sexism means people feel women's time is free or women are "easier" to ask (amplify if young or non-white).

You'll see people refusing to waste the Big Important Tall Mans time with a small question, but they'll be happy to ask the woman.

(I was reading a textbook for a final exam in my local green space, and some cute little kiddies asked if I could help them with some video project... obviously requiring I step out of something I was clearly involved in.

There were LOADS of other people there.

I was brief and polite when I turned them down, but of course "Go ask the nice lady as she is less likely to be nasty so you can waste her time" is a common trope)

A lot of people will ignore a woman if she says something or requires respectful attention, but she'll suddenly become "visible" when there's a shit menial task to do. There's ways to push back on this.

I've noticed at current work, weird men like wasting my time with nonsense requests so they can feel important as they've made me go out of my way for them.

It's not about the question itself, it's just a dominance or control thing.

Since I started WFH more, I ignore emails that aren't critical, no-one cares, if they did I'd plead ignorance - life is peaceful ;-)

If they get too annoying or a drain, I would just detach.

Surely if you are working on their behalf, you should be printing any materials/ posting it out to them and not giving them a job to sort?

I’m with you on this. They make me feel nauseous and I will be sick.