Would you be mad if your child eloped?

Yes, I'd be disappointed because I'd be sad to miss such an important occasion in their lives, and find it hard to understand why they would want to. However, I can't imagine my dds doing something like this as they really appreciate family celebrations.

The logical side of me would say the words "It's your day / your life / your wedding, so your choice about how to do it"

but, inside I would be gutted that I meant so little to my dc that they didn't want to share such an important occasion in their lives with me.

As you say you are doing it anyway, I'm not sure why you didn't put in your title that you are eloping anyway, and the question is should you tell parents before you go.

DP is very much of the mindset that it is easier for them to deal with the consequences of what has already happened than them possibly making a drama over what is going to happen

I agree with your dp. If you are doing it anyway, then just go, don't advertise the fact you are going to get married without them, just present it as fact once you've done it.

We got married abroad. We told everyone what we were doing but were clear that no-one was invited. Planned a party for the weekend after we were back.

I don't think it would have gone down well if we hadn't been honest and I don't think I'd have enjoyed and relaxed on the say - sounds like you wouldn't be comfortable either.

Enjoy doing your wedding your way, but that includes letting people know if you want to. At least my parents could raise a glass at the appropriate time!

Not everyone has a great relationship with their parents. I certainly don’t. I’m also autistic so the idea of a big wedding was horrific to me. This seems to be an alien concept to most people that I know. My husband and I eloped, his best friend and mine were our witnesses and I have no regrets.

When I eventually told my mother (I was led to believe if she cared for me she would be happy, I should have trusted myself) she launched into a huge rant and attacked me with her walking stick.

Im so bloody glad I got married the way I wanted and she didn’t get to marr the day for me. For once her behaviour didn’t overshadow my happiness and I’ll never be anything but grateful that we did what we wanted that best suited us.

You’ve got one life, do what works best for you and enjoy it.

If you do this then why should anyone be expected to care when you come back and tell them. I've seen this before. Don't want anyone to witness the marriage or celebrate it but then come back and tell everyone and expect them all to be pleased and interested in the wedding. Of course it's going to hurt your parents, but crack on and do what you want.

I wouldn't tell them obviously But I would be really disappointed that they didn't WANT to include me in their day x

A traditional elopement 😃

You either elope or you don't and telling even one person means it becomes a hush hush wedding and will potentially put a lot more noses out of joint in that some people 'knew' and other didn't.

Go and get married just the two of you and tell everyone when you get back. This is about what you and your partner want. Congratulations by the way.

I would be hurt and upset.

My parents, actually no, my mum would have been upset, hurt and furious if I'd done that. If either of my DC elope, I will be happy for them and slightly relieved we have been saved the cost and fuss of a wedding! Would not be at all surprised if DD did this 😂

I would have been absolutely delighted!

My DD eloped and didn't tell me for a while. I think she was worried about how I'd react. I was okay till she showed me a photo and when I saw a bunch of complete strangers smiling in the background it made me really sad that I'd missed a rite of passage. But I never let on

This. I would be deeply hurt rather than angry, and would struggle to understand it. It wouldn't matter to me whether you told me in advance or not because I would want to be there to watch and celebrate you get married.

I wouldn’t be upset as long as my child was happy. But your parents might be, and only you can decide that.

We got married abroad. And then we got married in Gretna Green, Scotland 6 months later.

Why? Because it turns out you need legal documentation easily obtained, such as when in the 2007 national flooding, all your legal documentation gets destroyed.

Seriously, as much as we wrote off for a copy of our wedding license abroad - no reply.

But as far as the UK government is concerned our Gretna Green wedding is valid.

So what is your objective?

Is it no fuss?

Is it little expense?

Is it just the two of you?

But you probably should also factor in a Gretna Green wedding. It's very low cost. It's very legal. They can easily send you copies of your marriage license. And as much as the wedding abroad was amazing, so was gretna green and just the two of us.

DH and I did it, we told his parents a couple of days before we were leaving, his DM was very upset, and to this day, 25 years later, doesn’t like to talk about it. However my DM died at 52, my DF actually gave us some spending money, he was relieved I think! SIL, DH sister had the big white wedding, sadly her marriage didn’t last. I don’t regret it at all, if either of my DC want to do the same thing they have our blessing. Not spending out on a big do meant we were able to afford deposit for our family home.

Did try to persuade mine to elope. Think it’s rather romantic. But they’re determined on doing the whole hoo-ha. Do what you want to do OP.

I wouldn't mind about the going abroad but and doing it without me but I would mind a lot about not being told beforehand! It's rude imo.

If your DP is trying to push the not telling before bit on you that's not the best note to start marriage on is it really. He should be willing to compromise not his way of the highway.

I'd be secretly quiet pleased if DS did it.

I have often admired those who have had small weddings, especially if they are being true to their beliefs or should I say non-belief as atheists or of no formal religion. All of those I have known who have done this are still married, some over 30 years later.

I would be a hypocrite if I objected to a family member doing the same. I'd only be unhappy if I thought for some reason they were unsuited to each other.

We did that, didn't tell anyone until we came back. No-one was at all bothered, as we still had a huge party. And, because we were eloping, my wedding dress wasn't a traditional dress & I have worn it about a dozen times since.

None of mine seem to want to get married but I’ve said to them that if they want to disappear off to Greek island (or absolutely anywhere) get married on a beach then just get on with it. I have no desire to be a mother of the bride or groom.

I wished we’d done it. I hated my wedding day. It wasn’t us at all. We don’t like being the centre of attention and all the faff that goes with. I have never been the kind of girl who coos over planning their wedding and picking a dress, I hate dresses and a massive tomboy. I felt really uncomfortable from start to finish and it felt like it was for everyone else’s benefit and not ours. Family creating issues and making us feel guilty. One big family networking exercise and we didn’t know 50% of the people who arrived at our night do. We left it very early and drove to our hotel 40 mins away, put on our scruffs, played cards and drunk beer ignoring our phones! Best part of the day.

I'd be gutted, but I'd get over it if it was for a good reason

I understand why you want to do it

its not really anyone else’s day but yours. I think you should keep it a secret until after the holiday

As someone who wanted to elope but was forced into a horrible, massive, soulless family wedding that I will always regret by my jnlaws, I’ve brought my DD up to know that whatever she wants it’s her day and I’ll support her 100%. I would tell your parents but explain your feelings and how important it is to you and how it would make you feel if you had to do something you didn’t want. I still hold it against my in laws to this day and my DH now so much regrets not sticking up to them, he says he can’t imagine himself being so weak-willed now, neither can I really but we are stuck with that memory and some resentment now.