Would you be mad if your child eloped?

Absolutely not - that day is about them, not us. And, if it turns out that it's the way they want to remember that day...more power to them. Far better to spend their money on themselves than 100-odd people for whom it's just a bit of a party.

I might be a bit sad, but definitely not mad. It's totally down to the couple.

I'd respect it but would be really upset not to witness the marriage. I'd tell parents first.

I know people feel like this but I don't understand it. I just went to a registry office with 2 witnesses, and would not mind at all if my DC did the same.

I probably wouldn't have said anything because after all it is their choice but the fact that their choice was to exclude me from the most important event in their life would have coloured my opinion of them. Its not something that can ever be undone so that little bit of sadness would be forever. By all means have the wedding you want but don't choose to hurt your mum and dad. Would it be so very dreadful to have just them there?

I would be delighted if mine did that!

I wanted to elope but DH was too scared of his mother 🤣 (she's lovely really) so we asked our parents to come for lunch but took them to the registry office first! My mother was cross she didn't dress up enough but otherwise happy.

When people do this I assume they really don’t like their families to be honest

I assume that they're just quiet people who don't want to be the centre of attention. As I said above, I can see my DD doing this. And she loves us very much. In fact she's the most family orientated of all of us.

I wouldn’t be upset at all. I’d be happy, they’re being sensible and saving their money for a house or whatever they felt most important. Weddings are about two people getting married and not about every family and friend thinking they get a say.

We got married just the two of us, we told people a few weeks before we went (they knew we were going on holiday). Our family and friends were over the moon for us. But then they all love us and we love them so why wouldn’t they be happy for us.

If your parents want a wedding, they should have a vow renewal for themselves and leave you be!!

Shit I accidentally quoted again. Sorry :(

They'll probably be upset. If you think it's right to tell them, tell them.

Getting engaged but secretly eloping is a bit contradictory.

Now that everyone knows you intend to get married, I’d say to them you’re going to have a private wedding abroad at some point.

When people do this I assume they really don’t like their families to be honest.

If it was a spur of the moment thing and you just did it, that would be one thing. But planning it means that you actively don’t want them to know. Which could be quite hurtful.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if one of my DDs did this. But although I'd be a bit disappointed, I'd absolutely recognise that it would be the right thing for her and her partner.

But I don't think that can be assumed of every parent. My DD and her partner find big social things stressful, and don't enjoy being the centre of attention. They're both lovely people and I know that they would not choose elopement lightly, or upset anyone. But if they turned up one day and said they'd got married, 95% of me would be delighted for them.

I've had the mother of the bride experience with my other daughter, so I wouldn't be missing out!

I'd be a bit disappointed but not 'mad' as it's up to them.

Do you already live together? If so, I'd be less disappointed in that situation as I'd see it as more of an eventuality/legal thing.

My mum was relieved and delighted but they had a small wedding and absolutely despised big weddings. You know your mum best!

I would love it. I have no desire to do the whole mob/mog thing.

But I suspect I'm in the minority.

We did it, but my DM had already had my older sisters wedding to be involved in / go to so I didn't feel bad - my Dad thought we were amazing as he didn't have to contribute to another wedding, although he did give us what I assume was an equivalent amount towards a deposit on our first house. But as OP I had always said I didn't want a big wedding, so it was quite 'us' to do it.

As a parent whose daughter is planning her wedding, I’d be THRILLED if they decided to elope. Weddings seem to have got completely out of hand these days….

I eloped and it was absolutely amazing.

Told everyone including parents afterwards. Both sets of parents completely fine about it, in fact my dad said "I always thought you'd do something like this.." they knew I would never want a fuss and would want to do something private.

I wouldn't be at all upset if my DD did the same. I'd be delighted to at she was happy and making her own choices.

The whole point of eloping is that nobody knows!

If you tell people it will snowball.........

No, I wouldn’t be mad but we’re not very traditional and chose not to marry.

If you’re close to your parents and they would be upset, then I would tell them in your position. Why risk them being upset just for the shock value when you tell them afterwards? It seems a bit attention seeking to me. It’s fine if you have the sort of family that would love that sort of surprise, but it doesn’t sound like yours will. You still get to do it alone so I see no point in not telling them.

If you tell your parents ahead of time, what are the chances that they will....

1. object so strongly that you don't do it, or make it miserable, or
2. come with you?

I mean I wouldn't be bothered but that's irrelevant, to some people family weddings are a huge deal and they may have stronger feelings about it.

So long as they're happy it's fine with me.

As long as I knew and liked the partner, I wouldn't have a problem. I would just want them to be happy.