Would you be mad if your child eloped?

We did it and never told anyone 😂 27 years so far...

How close are you though, that you know she's so unforgiving. That, for me, would be extremely cold.

We eloped abroad but told everyone before hand, still had a hen do and family came with me to choose a dress. Also had an evening do when we got home so still had some family aspect but the actual day was relaxed and just about us. No one minded at all and we spent a “wedding budget” travelling as our honeymoon.

I think you should both wait until you are 18.

I think I'd try to make the best of it and throw a big party for them when they came back, on one way they'd have saved me a load of money!

It would be a bit sad though as weddings are usually community events.

We eloped in our hometown as soon as Christmas lockdown was done (May 2021). Had just bought a house and our child was almost two. Sent ‘we eloped!’ cards that morning and there was a ton of backlash. Wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Spent £400/500 in total (photographer, town hall etc), no stress or anxiety and memories for just us. Highly recommend.

Both my children are married. They both had quite large weddings which were their choice and both occasions went really well. However, if either of them eloped then that would have been absolutely fine as they can make their own decisions. Do whatever you want.

Truthfully I'd be really gutted that I wasn't going to get to share in such a big and exciting moment in my sons life, but ultimately I'd understand that it's for him and his future partner to decide what the best way for them to get married is and I'd be sad for myself but happy for them and totally supportive.

Personally, if it were me I'd tell them in advance so that they can still be involved in some elements of planning like dress shopping etc. Those are moments that I think can be very important to a mother but ultimately op it's your decision and you need to do what's right for you both. I think if you surprise them with it you might also risk not getting the response you're hoping to get as they might react badly out of shock if they are disappointed. So letting them know gives them a chance to prepare themselves so they can be present for you both. I don't think it's an unfair compromise to make if that's what you want to do.

I wouldn't mind at all. I eloped. Although we did tell parents and siblings, one of my siblings was a nightmare and kept asking 'well, you could just ask me to come, nobody else', never realising she was one of the main reasons we were eloping in the first place. You don't owe anyone a wedding ceremony; do whatever suits the pair of you.

I would be sad as I would hope my kids would want us involved in celebrating their happiness even if they didn't want a big party.

OP I plan to elope one day for the same combo of reasons as you so I'm reading with interest. If you tell your parents beforehand, do you think they'd:

• Make a drama out of it, with the risk it will negatively impact your day? Eg sending messages trying to guilt you, or even trying to come along.
• Be quietly upset, but not affect your enjoyment of the day?

If the latter, i would tell them in the hope that it reduced their upset. Quite a lot of people would be less hurt by not being present on the day than by not being informed at all, and if they're mature enough to handle being told in a reasonable way, you can do that. Plus it might be nicer for you without the question of how they'll react hanging over you.

It's your wedding. Do what the two of you want. Do not compromise your day for anyone else.

Given your update, it's anyone's guess how your mother would react, so I'd just elope.

I eloped for my first marriage. Properly, as in no announcement of the engagement and just the two of us with two witnesses we didn’t know at the ceremony. I hated being the centre of attention, or thought I did.

Both our families were upset when we told them. My mother, particularly so. It really upset me to see how upset she was.

My second wedding was big by many people’s standards. I enjoyed every minute of it. Traditional weddings with guests don’t have to follow the same old packaged format or even be stressful.

We eloped and had a party at home a month later. It was never a secret though- I think our parents would have been a bit saddened if we secretly married without them knowing. My mum loved helping my choose the dress and my sister helped me with choosing things for the party afterwards. My mum and sisters did a mini hen do for me at a spa place and it was really nice for all of us. I don’t understand why you’d want to keep it a secret.

I wouldn't mind at all, but then I'm not married and would hate to have a traditional wedding.

I would probably wonder why they'd eloped and worry that our relationship wasn't good or that they felt pressure or something that meant they didn't want a wedding. But if it was as simple as not wanting to be centre of attention, as it is for me, I'd be fine with that.

If I had it my way getting married would just be signing a piece of paper, like getting a will done 😁

Edited to add - I'm close to my parents and I don't think my mum would be the slightest bit bothered. She didn't enjoy her wedding at all. My MIL would be upset though.

Given your update, definitely elope without any prior warning and have a wonderful time.

My mum still sulks or is silent about my wedding 20 years later, even though she got to do the whole mother of the bride thing. I was never going to please her, she would always have found fault. We have a few candid sulky wedding photos at the back of the album to remind us how miserable they were after the bright smiles of the big group shots.

Run away! Run away! Tell them all after.

That's fine, I just see the logic behind not telling anyone. Just tell people you're getting married abroad, just the 2 of you.

I associate eloping with teenagers who are barely old enough to get married and know their parents would object

Do you really not see that you'd be making your adult child's wedding all about you? It's not about you.

My Parents would have been upset and PIL I think. We got married abroad and they did come with us for the wedding then took themselves off for a holiday whilst we honeymooned.

I don't think I'd be upset if DD got married on her own. It's a big life event and I can understand wanting to be there for it.

No - i wouldn't and couldn't ever do that to my parents (we got married with family in two venues, two countries), and i would hope my children do never do that to me - i feel its so cruel. It does depend on your relationship with parents too i guess? Im very close to mine and my wider family. My mother would have never forgiven me if i did that.

I'd encourage them! The amount of money spent on weddings is ludicrous plus all the angst it can bring.
I'd be delighted if my adult dcs did this.

We eloped. My mother was angry that I'd stolen 'her' wedding but my father was delighted for me.

If my DC did it I'd have no issues at all, being happy is what matters...

@Whattodoab in your case I definitely wouldn't tell them beforehand. You will just have both your mums going on at you for months and months. Unless you literally tell them just before you go. I wouldn't put yourselves through it.

If she does decide to go the way you think she will after the fact, well, truthfully that will be on her. Practise your grey rock lines while on the plane home so that you can avoid going nuclear if she freaks out.

Interesting question.
I have two teen daughters who work catering for posh weddings. They see the crazy it brings out in people.

My wedding bought out the crazy in both sets of parents in different ways so I totally get why some people elope.

I like the idea of being the heads up that you are in a committed strong relationship but I'm not sure I'd like advance warning. That sort of feels a bit more 'i'm involving you but not inviting you' what am I supposed to do on the day, hover on WhatsApp, waiting for picture whilst I think about you.
I think I'd prefer the surprise of afterwards with pictures but no involvement just offering best wishes for the future.

Ideally though, I'd love to feel that you managed to plan the wedding you wanted, without too much fuss and that I would be amongst the important people in your life that you would want to witness that.
(would completely also understand if you didn't invite creepy uncle Jack and my narc mother. And please don't bankrupt yourself and the planet with weird ring cushions & party favours & other random stuff)