AIBU to keep my son away from my mams cousin.

She sounds dangerous I don't know why, I just keep away from her and speak straight,if it was me.

I think "paedo" is a bit strong, but also who on earth actually WANTS to change nappies? Especially for a kid that's not theirs or their grandchild?

Maybe she's gone through some kind of babyloss trauma. She makes me think of those people who obsess over reborn dolls.

Haha no I'm not the cousin. I've since reread OP's posts and see I was definitely sleep deprived and annoyed when I read the post. Been awake since 5am with my twins and feeling like I would love a helping family member. This family member is clearly overstepping though

YANBU. Sensitive question OP but is she mentally challenged / have mental health issues / ASD at all?

OP has made it clear throughout this post/comments that this distant relative, has paid no attention to her during her life until she had her baby. There has been no relationship bad or otherwise to 'make up' and cause any excitement over.

We're talking about a woman who's 'gifts' to a 7 month old include a pair of slippers made to fit a 3 year old ! I'm sorry to hear you feel you're missing out because your family don't buy these kind of gifts for your children but your comment feels like you're trying to guilt trip BoyMama1409 into relenting and allowing the distant relative to overstep the boundries, which is a bit odd.
You're not the dreaded mam's cousin are you? 🤯

I'm probably the only one in here who would see your mum's cousin as a welcome break! None of my family have offered to change nappies because they don't want to. They don't want to buy things because things are expensive. If you and her have a bad relationship, then that's a different matter and I would feel uncomfortable with her approach. But if you've properly made up, I would think she's overly excited and pushy

Sorry you are going through this @BoyMama1409. I had something similar with my BIL and his girlfriend when I first had my son. They were so overbearing and tried to treat my son like he was their own and I would avoid letting them hold him etc before finally getting my husband to say something.

I put their behaviour down to not having children of their own (although they fave my son over the other two children in the family but thats another story), so I’m surprised to hear your mum’s cousin has her own children!

I would say you need to say something to her directly as these types of people will just ignore subtle hints.

Seriously, get her telt! You need your mam on board with this, so tell her you don’t want cousin around ‘the baby’. If she turns up anyway, keep leaving asap. She sounds the type to attempt to take him out without you knowing. Very odd for someone who had nowt to do with you before you had him. Decline all ‘gifts’.

In my experience the menopause does not cause you to behave ape shit crazy around other people's babies.

It is not.

@Cosmosforbreakfast , that is ridiculous

It sounds annoying but she will probably get bored of him as he gets older

It's very concerning when someone wants to undress and change your baby's nappies. It's more concerning when someone is told not to do it but does it anyway. It's even more concerning when someone does this when you've left the house. Her behaviour is in no way normal and smacks of being a paedo. She's ignoring your wishes and doing what she wants, she's already tested your boundaries. Her age, her being a relative, her not being well is no reason to let her away with this.

Explain your concerns to your mum and tell her this woman must not be let anywhere near either of you. That means your mum not answering the phone to her, opening the door to her or telling her she can't visit today, whatever it takes. If she is in your company again tell her straight out she is not allowed handle your baby, you don't need to give her any explanations, basically it's because you said so!

Refuse any gifts from her, if she comes to your house with them tell her she is not to come to your house again or buy anything for the baby as you will not be accepting it. Gifts and trying to take the place of parents for firsts is a form of grooming. Again, being a relative is no reason to pussy foot around her or 'be kind'. Your children's safety is always your first priority. Put your boundaries very firmly in place, put your foot down hard. There is a lot of years of protecting your child ahead of you, start getting used to it now!

Is it some weird menopause thing where she knows she can't have anymore kids?!

What does your mother say?

I've been through something similar to this and you 100% need to put boundaries in place. Baby comes with you each and every time you go anywhere. Gotta pee? Baby tags along. Making a snack? Baby is there. Invest in a carrier so he can easily go with you. She can't force herself on him if he isn't there. Also, I know it's hard, but "no" is a complete sentence.
Lastly, she can buy whatever she wants, but you don't have to use it. Donate everything to charity if you want. All firsts are for you and DH. You won't get this time back, so don't allow anyone to stomp all over your experience as anew parent.

@BoyMama1409 she sounds unhinged! Don't accept anything from her whatsoever into your home! What does your mum make of it all? Maybe she could have a word?

Surely just tell your mother to stop fucking telling her when you’re there and to not have her round when you are, or you won’t come round.

she sounds mental

Ps I feel for you and it gets easier. Just smack those boundaries down. 😂❤️

Is she from Barry, and is your baby called Neil, because "Neil, THE BABY " was going through my head when I read this!

She sounds well-meaning but slightly loopy, so you need to put your foot down kindly but firmly with her. Is your mum on your side through all this, or does she think you should be kind to the afflicted?

The nappy changing and undressing without asking is scary. For that alone I'd tell your mum she is not to be around your baby. Your mum will understand.

Presents and wanting to hold is common and usually well intentioned and thoughtful, even if unsuitable. But undressing... changing.. Never.

Omg I've literally just gone through this with an auntie. She was so over bearing and condescending with it all too, and she has no kids of her own yet thought she could tell me a few things about parenting. I lost it and gave her a peice of my mind, blocked her number and haven't seen her since. My baby is about to turn 6 months and she nagged me to death. You will go through this until the child is 18 so make a decision about whether or not you need her in your life. Maybe tell her to back off first and see if that helps. But honestly people like this don't change. No respect what so ever