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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't have been there?

53 replies

Sunny678 · 21/05/2024 19:34

I'm a KS1 TA at a primary school and recently my class teacher had an email from some angry parents wanting a meeting. Essentially, I witnessed a serious incident which was instigated by their son and the class teacher reported it to the parents. The parents said their son denied it and they wanted to have a meeting about it. The class teacher was very nervous and asked me and another TA who is a 1:1 in our class to join. The parents are known to be quite intimidating and nasty apparently. Often raising their voices. I'm 21 and this is my first year in a school, I've never had a meeting with parents before so didn't know what to expect. The headteacher was aware I would be in the meeting and didn't attend himself. During the meeting, the parents were incredibly aggressive, rude and shouting over us so nobody could get a word in. The dad was slamming his hands down on the table. I was honestly in shock and the class teacher left the room crying before any of us had the chance to speak, leaving me and the other TA there. As I tried to defend what I'd seen, the parents got increasingly more annoyed and told me I was accusing their son of lying by simply saying that I'd witnessed it and describing the situation. He was getting even more irate and I then put my hand up and had to ask him to stop shouting which made everything even worse and he called me condescending. I then left the room because I was on the verge of tears and I went to get the head teacher. The head teacher later told me that I shouldn't have even defended myself at that point or put my hand up as it made it worse. The parents have now lodged an official complaint to the governors about me saying I'm spreading lies about their child. The head has sent a letter to the parents saying I've been 'reprimanded' and also reminding them about their conduct within school. I've also been given a letter of expectation I believe to appease the parents... The child never got any punishment and it was like nothing ever happened.
Should I have even been there? My mum says I'm too inexperienced to involved with heated parents like that and the SLT should've been involved. Part of me blames myself for even trying to engage with them and making it worse but my mum thinks I'm being used as a scapegoat. Would love to hear your thoughts, I'm really worried this is going to affect my career.

OP posts:
Jumpnow · 21/05/2024 19:52

I’m surprised on a daily basis we have any teachers left or anyone training to become one. I’m sorry that happened to you OP, I think the head should’ve been involved and I don’t think the head should be ‘appeasing’ the parents in this situation.

Whoopsies · 21/05/2024 19:47

I am also a KS1 ta. At my school this would absolutely have been dealt with by SLT. Our head would have arranged a meeting with the parents if there was concerns raised about my conduct. I also know she would have had my back 100%. I think it was wrong for your class teacher to leave you with the parents. If she was so upset she should have ended the meeting or got someone more senior to deal with it. You do have to grow a thick skin as parents can be awful towards you, but it's not something you should have to deal with alone. It's a tough job, but doing it for SLT who don't support you makes it tougher. Hope you are ok.

Yellowpingu · 21/05/2024 19:44

If the parents are renowned for intimidating behaviour then it’s poor form from the head teacher not to have been present in my opinion.

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