Worried I won't be interested when I have grandchildren

I feel like you but I figure I will deal with it if/when the time comes.

One of mine is in her 20s. I work full time in a full on job so I think a lot of my feelings are down to that. Dd is very unlikely to have a child soon but if she does there wouldn’t be that much I could do. And my feelings might change by the time she or ds is in the position of having kids. I am hoping not to be working this full on into my 50s.

So much can change I just don’t worry about it.

Do you have a DD?

My mum was and remains exactly how you think you might be. She loved and cared for us all very much, but always said she at best tolerated other children and warned us early on she wouldn’t be a hands-on grandmother.

Except her first DGC was a girl by me. She was shocked by how attached she was to that girl. When I was in utero, and was born with my entire ovarian reserve, my eggs were inside my Mum, part of my Mum. Half of my DD is literally part of my Mum. And boy does she feel that. She describes feeling a stronger attachment to my DD than to me because my DD is away from her 99% of her time and yet she’s a part of her.

Same could happen to you!

The thing is that I have no interest in babies but of course I loved and looked after my own. I would not want to have a baby or toddler now though. Older children are fab but again, only my own

I felt a bit like you - I loved my children when they were little and I am very proud of the adults that they have turned out to be. Other people's (including close family) children not so much.

I now have 3 beautiful grandchildren and I was completely astounded by the feelings that overwhelmed me each time another one came along.

I'm probably not a typical MNetter in that I actually get on well with my SIL and DIL - we all go on holiday together and it's always amazing. Nobody needs to throw themselves to the floor in a fit of tears - well, none of the adults anyway :-)

OP you might (will probably) surprise yourself.

Don't worry about it. My MIL isn't really a baby/small child person, but adores her grandchildren and her own children (and even seems to like her DILs). She taught older kids, and always says that she couldn't have dealt with younger ones 😆

I can appreciate your worry. My parents were delighted till the kids turned 8 or so: exactly the age at which they kind of lost interest in me. Now neither of them really cares beyond a 'oh how is X's course going <proceeds to name a course they are not doing>"

Their other grandparents were not interested till they became mid-teens, and now have a lovely relationship.

I think if you're aware of it then you can probably train yourself? Part of it is geography, too. My parents live three hours' drive away, and come from a culture where adult kids do all - ALL - the visiting to their parents. They made the effort for little grandchildren and then stopped. So perhaps it'll depend where you end up living in relation to your dc.

Dm is the same with DS. Absolutely adores him and spoils him in a way that frankly she never did with us! (She was affectionate with us as children but she thinks DS is just wonderful)

She has no interest in other children, but your own are completely different apparently

I've heard people say one of the lovely things about grandchildren is they remind you of your own babies when they were little. Can't speak from experience because I'm only on my first child but my mum is not really a 'baby person' and absolutely loves her grandson.