To think my best friend is taking the piss

Read your posts saying she wfh or husband has baby. I think you were played so she/they have day off. Which says a lot about the value she places on you and your own precious free time

It’s interesting your annual leave day coincides with when she HAD to go into the office….

Does she have to go in on set days or are they flexible? If the latter she may have taken advantage of your good nature to score free childcare or even given herself a child free day. What would she have done if you HADN’T been available?

wtf?

Exactly I cannot get my head round someone treating you badly and you’re supposed to not mention it, to preserve the friendship. What the hell is that all about. Why are women still being given these messages.

she’s treated the op badly. The right for the op to do is explain the issues and her feelings. Not sweep it under the rug to preserve the friendship.

Let me get this right: you took a day's annual leave so that you could have some much needed down time?

And she then abused that - I'd go as far as to say "stole" that - by asking you to spend your day off (for which, effectively you have paid) looking after her child, for whom she hadn't wanted to pay to have a childminder (but it's ok to use you)

I think your message was very reasonable - you've been constructive with solutions that don't involve you and honest about your feeling. If that permanently damages your relationship with your friend, then that's on her, not on you.

Unless there is something else going on behind the scenes that you're not aware of? In which case, she needs to tell you, not try to continue to take advantage of you and leave you effectively paying for her childcare (since you are the one who chose to reduce your hours).

I hope you do get a reasonable response from your friend, once she's had a chance to think about it

Her silence speaks volumes!

im ordering if her dh normally does the drop offs.

It would take a really measured person with some insight into their own behaviour to take that text well! From what you’ve said, your friend is not like that at all and doesn’t think of anyone but herself.

If you were too worried about her reaction to saying no to giving up your day off to look after her child why are you now bold enough to completely refuse all future childcare and write a long message about why her lifestyle choices are completely wrong? Surely you know it’s friendship over now?!

The friend doesn't have to accept anything. If the friend decides that she doesn't like the judgments the OP has made about her or is hurt by the accusation that she has taken advantage of her (rather than thinking best friends help each out occasionally or when desperate) then she might not want to remain friends with her.

It is the OP who has said she wants to keep the friendship, so it was in the OP's best interest to handle this in a way that would enable that. But what's done is done. All she can do now is hope that her friend will be ok with being friends with someone who thinks of her like that.

Is this relationship with your friend currently making you feel happier or more stressed? The answer to this will tell you what you need to do.

That's really poor of her to not even aknowledge your text.

The OP didn't go on the attack - she sent a polite and balanced message.

I don’t agree, she’s made her feelings clear, I feel this is fine. Honestly just as she’s a woman she doesn’t need to hide her feelings, the friend should be grown up enough to accept how she’s made the op feel and address the issues.

Since when did "life choices" equate to unwilling to pay for childcare whilst in full time work but willing to guilt friends into looking after them for free?

Nah. Like I said, if the OP just wanted to stop helping out without it affecting their friendship, she didn't need to go on the attack.

It's the OP's own lack of spine and boundaries that put her in this situation. And she's allowed the MN mob to rile her into throwing a grenade at the situation, without realising that people love to encourage drama when the outcome of it doesn't affect them.

I think you will either never hear from her again, or you will get a ridiculous reply about how hurt she is, how hard her life is, and how you've let her down.

Either way, you're completely in the right, and she knows it!

She’s not your best friend.

I hope you're ok OP? It's awful when this sort of thing happens to friendships. You're doing the right thing though.

The fact she hasn't responded is the pisstaking cherry on top of her CFuckery. She's purposefully giving you the silent treatment to make you sweat. If she doesn't respond to you reasonably today I'd seriously be rethinking the friendship, or at the very least her 'best friend' status.

She has been very cheeky and you have been very patient. If she doesn't reply you'll know she didn't value your friendship in the way you did.

A very rare sighting 🔎an OP with a backbone!

If there is no reciprocation when it comes to supporting you then it's not friendship, its exploiting you and you must set boundaries. The ''it takes a village'' is so true but only if everyone in that village is helping each other!

Well done for messaging OP, it needed to be said. Hope she is reasonable in her response

This. Not agreeing to be her unpaid childminder, did not have to include how you felt about her laxity in sorting things out, for her child. I would not have sent a message like that.

Hope you can get this resolved with your friendship intact OP.
If she does the 'how very dare you?!' routine, just ask her why she thinks you should pay for childcare but she shouldn't.

Friendship is not letting someone take advantage and be too scared and timid to call it out. Yoire off beam here. The friend should be apologising she made the op feel like she did and using her as she did.