To think my best friend is taking the piss

The cheek of some people. Glad your stood up for yourself OP.

I helped out in a similar way but the "favours" kept expanding, bit by bit. When I told her I couldn't continue, she was absolutely furious because she saw me as deliberately costing her money and actively cutting into her income. All my previous help counted for nothing in comparison with that fact.

But I still think that the OP's message was clear, direct and stops this situation from mushrooming, since by choosing not to book any childcare at all The Friend has made it clear she expects OP to fill in for nothing, because she's available and --- friendship.

So I think the OP didn't have much to lose by sending it, as If she let this go too far, friendship would be so unequal and blow up anyway. It was better and more honest to be direct. She's also said that she values the friendship.
Its time for the friend to cool down and recognise it was asking too much. If they can have a conversation about it, they may be able to continue being friendly.

If I'd received a text like that from my friend I'd be straight on the phone to apologise.

I sadly agree

I don't think it's fair to say op has made a 'judgement' of her because its not occasional help she's asked for. I think a reasonable person accepts what op has explained is not occasional help but a complete lack of awareness for someone's time. It is not OK to impose on a friend this much and it is not OK to expect your friend to have your child when she doesn't even have her own kids that day. Where as I think the message sent won't be taken well and if it were me I don't think I would have said things like 'relying on me to bail you out', this won't be taken well but in ops defence her friend has essentially been offensive with her behaviour and if you act rude then expect rude back.

Bravo to you for sending that OP, I could never. Also not sure how I’d feel about receiving it, even though I agree it was the right thing to do. Hopefully your friend will reply soon and all will be well.

Someone has already asked that. Do keep up.

You are definitely going to have to put your foot down and say no! Otherwise you are stuck doing this for years and it will mentally wear you down. She is taking the piss and no way would I be doing this.

Talk about victim blaming!

Are you the cheeky fucker friend @HollyKnight ???

OP your message was perfect, covered everything, which is important rather than have to clarify things with further messages and you've drawn a clear line in the sand - no more being taken advantage of. Well done.

Basically op, you've been paying for her childcare. That's what it is. It's on your buck

A decent friend would have texted back straight away apologising.

No contact proves she's guilty.

Move on from this friendship op

Yes, but the point is the OP WANTS to stay friends with this woman. IMO life would be much easier if people could "tell it like it is" and have everyone accept and respect that. But we all know that is not how the world works. You should only "tell it like it is" if you don't care about the outcome. The OP has taken a massive risk by "telling it like it is" because SHE cares about the outcome. SHE wants to continue the friendship.

f the friend decides that she doesn't like the judgments the OP has made about her or is hurt by the accusation that she has taken advantage of her (rather than thinking best friends help each out occasionally or when desperate)

whatever are you on about. This is far from helping each other out occasional when desperate. I can’t see how any one can read the op and come to this conclusion.

It is not YOU that isn’t being a good friend here. The fact she was happy for you to take her 1 year old for the day, when she knew you were meant to be having a child-free day with your sister and paying for childcare for your kids- that isn’t something a good friend does! And her response to that message should have been an immediate ‘god you’re right, am so sorry, things have been a bit crazy but you’re right I need to sort it. Definitely don’t want it to spoil our friendship.’ But no- she’s seen it, and is just- annoyed with you, because you’re setting a boundary so is ignoring you. Don’t back down OP!

best friends help each out occasionally or when desperate

In this situation, as @Findingthisweekhard explained, it’s neither. A regular request, precisely because the friend chose not to pay for her own childcare when she works, and neither her or her husband willing to inconvenience themselves or their employers because of the choices they have made.

It’s a blatant assumption that OPs time is not as valuable as hers.

Cheekyfuckery 101.

I imagine someone who's quite happy to WFH with kids there and up until this point hasn't made suitable arrangements for their situation, and has already exhausted what's acceptable as favours from a friend, has little guilt around taking the piss. So don't give your guilt.

You definitely weren't wrong to address it. But she probably won't apologise and the friendship probably is over. It's common for relationships to fail when the person being taken advantage of applies a boundary.

There's nothing you could have done/said better to avoid that. You've denied her of your usefulness. She'll not see past that. You've every right to judge her by the way, given you've been expected to provide solutions to her self inflicted problems.

I'm a bit surprised at all the posters saying they hope she replies gracefully. Surely anyone capable of behaving like this in the first place is very unlikely to be graceful when confronted, however politely?

I totally agree. The friend and her husband both "work from home" but are actually looking after a baby and have refused to get stable childcare for their children because they don't want to pay for it. They'd rather palm them off on others last minute than have them settled somewhere with a paid professional. That is a crap parent, crap employee and crap friend to be perfectly honest.

If she is cheeky enough to repeatedly ask you to help with childcare, particularly on your day off then I would not be expecting any sort of reasonable reply to your message. No reasonable person would have asked in the first place.

I hope she comes back with a serious apology.

However I do think it’s a bad sign that she didn’t immediately reply with anything even basic like “I’m so very sorry, I will make this up to you and have a good think about all this” or anything at all.

if you lose the friendship over it, you were better off without her anyway.

I can’t believe you’ve been tolerant tbh. Take it from us that she’s no friend of yours if she has an issue with that message!

Yes. I am also a man, a MRA, AI, a troll, and your MIL. 🙄

Are you the friend......

@Findingthisweekhard just coming on to say well done to you. That was a difficult message to have to send and was really well-written. x

I doubt it, I suspect more she picked her day in the office to coincide with the op being off, so she could have free childcare.

I kind of agree with this. She is absolutely taking the piss and I do agree a strong message was needed but I think it's too long and heaped with judgment.

I'm not saying that judgment isn't fair at all but it will be quite challenging for her to move on from.

I kind of feel this is a message I'd send if I wasn't hoping to keep the friendship.

What a fucking skinflint not paying for childcare she desperately needs.

She is treating you like a mug.