To think my best friend is taking the piss

Great outcome. Well done

Another cynic here. She is keen to clear the air and treat you to a spa. All very nice and lovely, but in reality I suspect that the "sharing a laugh over champagne" will turn into another request for you to help out until she gets a space with a childminder ... Which may never come!
If I were you, I would definitely distance myself and as others suggested make myself busy etc. You can still have the spa (you've earned it x100) but steer clear from agreeing to any more babysitting. Tell her you need a break and unable to help anymore, if she tries to guilt trip you (e.g. by saying she'll lose her job) just repeat the same - you aren't able as you're barely coping yourself amd your mental health is suffering. Tell her to ask other friends 😄

this is completely unreasonable.
i have heard of others with similar issues who had to plainly lay out the rules. you need to TELL THEM NO!!!!
You are being taken advantage of, either start charging or don't pick them up 😂😂

Same here!

I just rolled my eyes at most of it!

"I've been mumming badly" 🙄

Hoping to do this until September???? Wut?

I think its a bit one sided tbh

This. I thought it was a nice message back and a good outcome. Some people are probably disappointed there wasn't a row

Why do people (have had this a few times in my life) stop short of apologising?

Your message was honest. Her reply was not bad. She stopped short of saying sorry... but in the circumstances, this is a pretty good place to be.

I agree Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain and was going to say just be careful she doesn’t think she can get away with it for a few more days, weeks, ‘oh just until….’. Hopefully the friendship will now continue on an equal footing so that you can be there equally for each other as well as the fun times. Glad she owned up to her poor treatment of you Findingthisweekhard

As a few other cynical posters have said watch out for her dropping this on you again, over summer maybe?

You could though, if you fancy making a bit of extra money say over summer hols is say “yes I’ll do it but here are my rates” stick to those too. So then if she can’t or won’t sort childcare then she pays up. And the spa day should be on top of this!

That's actually a surprisingly great response: she sees what she's been asking of you (and likely others) and how unfair she's been in doing so, and she's trying to own it.

I hope the friendship survives. x

Sounds as if you two are going to be just fine. 😊 How lovely to see mature boundary setting and acceptance.

This was in the news today - a new style of child care, calling 'muddling', which will probably resonate with the CF we've been hearing about:

Muddling: How ad hoc childcare became the new normal for stressed parents like me (yahoo.com)

I think that's a good response. No need to pick it apart like other posters are saying. She's apologised however it was worded and wants to treat you to make up for it.

People are so cynical. She's been really honest, you both have and it's a sign of a genuine friendship. Hopefully you can both laugh about it in the future.

I think that's a good response from your friend, and props to her for not getting defensive. I think your friendship will be fine. Good for both of you.

Really please that you got a response and she acknowledged the fact that she should have sorted her own childcare.

Similar to others, I also don't like the way she said "I'm sorry you feel that I've taken the piss" - I always feel this is a bit of a non-apology, and also didn't like the way she said "you sound really pissed off". Both of these things give the impression that she's blaming you for feeling frustrated. That said, she did acknowledge that she's "a twat" and that she ruined your day off.

I hope the next chat with her goes well. Remember that you are absolutely right to feel this way! I wonder if it's possible that she will try to sweet talk you into helping out 'until September', but that might just be my cynicism talking! As someone who hates conflict and would also have found it very difficult to challenge her behaviour, I think you've handled it amazingly, and I hope she does back off now and sort herself out.

I suspect that the spa day is her way of creating obligation in your mind. She included you in her significant childcare plans without discussing it with you....this will be a standard behavior on her part where she expects people to just do things for her. If you go on the spa day, make sure you ask her for a favor soon afterwards, I bet you she's 'too busy to help'.

Good outcome.

I underestimated her! Take her up on the spa but no more babysitting OP

In your shoes, I’d be very busy until September and just stay in touch by text. No spa days yet as she might try to persuade you to continue helping out.

I’m not saying that she’s nasty, just that she’s got herself in a difficult situation-but she has to sort it out.

The 'until September' thing is bad enough but this bit:

I know y ruined your day with your sister the teething really didn’t help I suppose!!!

She knew she was ruining your day with your sister but did it anyway.

Yes, that's definitely fishing for the op to back down and help out until September (and after that too in reality).

Great response, but as PP’s have said, be careful about the September deadline. She’s giving you an opportunity to say that as it’s only a few months, you can help out until then. Just don’t mention it, say that you’re glad that you’ve cleared the air, etc.

Great she’s taken the feedback on board but I think you may need to hold the line. You essentially took annual leave, paying childcare for your dc for some r&r , a mental health day really. She took that from you by giving you her teething one year old all day. You need to be clear in your reply that actually you aren’t working and mumming that well at all either, you had booked the day off simply to cope and you didnt get that so you’re still hanging by a thread. But not assuming your busy friends will carry you. So she doesn’t think you can just continue - she needs flex and paid support. (They need flex and paid support - baby has two parents)