To think my best friend is taking the piss

Send her an invoice.

You absolutely lost me at giving up your day OFF to look after her child when your own kids were in childcare. MADNESS. Please god take your phone and compose a message and say “I cannot continue doing your unpaid childcare, you need to make arrangements (LIKE ME!!!) as I will no longer be available”.

You will feel infinitely better once you tell her and stop it otherwise there won’t be a friendship (not sure of the appeal of her given how she treats her friends tbh) to save anyway.

YANBU, she's being a piss taker! It will affect your friendship if you say no but honestly, you're better off without a friend whose friendship is dependent on you doing things for her.

Tell her fine but she's to transfer 200 quid to your bank beforehand or she'll have to make other arrangements.

I think I'd just have the big fall out. You don't need that shit in your life. She's being cheeky, be cheeky back.

Or say no and not to ask you to do childcare again. Then mute her phone number.

You need to learn to say No. This is ridiculous

I would happily collect my best friend's child at the same time as my own child and do so on an ongoing basis. I would also have someone else's child on a day off if it was a genuine emergency eg me and DH having to regularly have DNs on the one day a week we don't have to work because exBIL likes to cancel his contact days with no notice

I say this to make the point that I'm a generally accommodating and helpful person who doesn't feel I need to be paid in cash or in kind for every favour I do.

BUT, I absolutely would NOT routinely have that child for hours after school without some kind of formal (paid or in-exchange or even just endless gratitude) arrangement in place and I certainly would NOT be taking her child for a day on my day off if she routinely doesn't have childcare due to being unwilling to pay for it.

DD's BF wants to join a class that DD does. I have told BF's mum that I am very happy to collect BF and take her to said class every week.... if possible. I've made it clear that if, for example, DD is sick or we are away or there's some change in our situation, I would expect her to leap into action to sort her DD out. Because I'm accommodating, but I'm not free childcare for no reason. [BF's mother 100% understands and is very comfortable with this].

I’d say something like “I really think you’ll have to sort your childcare situation out. I love your kids but you’ve asked me to have them X times over the past month and I am starting to feel like your childminder! I’m happy to help out in a real emergency but I’m afraid I don’t want the commitment of regularly stepping in for you when you’re choosing not to make use of wraparound care.”

Why did you agree when you had a day off and had your own kids in paid childcare? If she's your friend you can tell her it's not working for you. The. Repeatedly be too busy to take Ker child from school and look after her baby. She's a CF fit even asking

You have to say no.

How you say no is up to you - you can ignore her messages, you can say 'sorry we have some family things going on' or you can say 'I don't want to be your unpaid childminder' - it is up to you how you do this but you have to stop saying yes.

At this point YABU for doing all these things for your friend. Stop!

It’s tricky if you’re there anyway for your daughter but it really needs to be reciprocal. Can you just explain nicely to her that you pay for childcare when you need it and take the job hit for flexibility to allow you to spend quality time with your own daughter. You’re happy to help her if it’s mutually beneficial. So if you agree to once she needs to help you before she’s asks for your help again. Otherwise she is taking advantage

Yep. She’s taking the piss. Refuse to do anymore of this, she most likely double down as she’s a CF. Childcare costs, she needs to suck it up like you do (and l do!)

Hang on so you took AL, paid for a childminder for your own DC and she begged you to have her baby? No way. She doesn't care about you at all. Money you earn to pay for childcare is precious. Why is her time, money and career any more important than yours? People who don't mind other people losing on their behalf are not good people.

She’s using you, but you’re letting her. By agreeing to the babysitting, you complicit. Until you start refusing the help, she won’t be looking for alternative care.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Maybe she’s a great friend but hasn’t thought through what she’s asking of you. Spell it out like you did in your final paragraph. Genuine good friends would respond reasonably.

I agree with your last sentence. Sadly OP I think when you shine your spine you will find she doesn't think ye are as much besties as you do. Because if you were 'you would do this for me'/insert other similar whinge about how you are putting her out and 'friends help friends' etc etc. Stand your ground. She isn't worth being trampled over. No 'friend' is

She's clearly not your best friend

She is not your friend.
She knows you are a soft mug and is treating you as such.
This will continue for as long as you will tolerate it.
That you actually gave up a precious day off for yourself, whilst paying for childcare for your own children, and yet minded hers, is both unbelievable and not normal.
She really knows that you are there to be used.
It's so not good for your soul to allow yourself to be treated like this by anyone.
Have a think.

There was another post I read about a similar situation, possibly on the cheekiest thing someone has asked you thread, where the poster said they didn't pay lots of money for childcare so they could look after someone else child for free. Maybe say the same thing to your friend. If she is a good friend she should understand.

aibu to stop collecting her child from school when I’m there collecting mine anyway?

Would be different if you were just collecting her when you were there anyway, but it's not that is it? You then have her for a period of time (two hours?), probably give her snacks and drinks. Are any favours ever reciprocated?

Say no. Switch your phone off if necessary. Have appointments/plans elsewhere/other children coming to play.

Sadly though, I suspect you'll find she doesn't think you're her best friend when you start saying no.

I've been in a similar situation before with a friend who took a job and just thought because our children are in the same class that I would be her childminder. (She didn't even discuss it with me beforehand!) I did it for a while but in the end I just had to learn to stand up and say no more. I didn't mind occasionally but it ended up near every day!

Please stand up for yourself and tell her, it's her responsibility to find proper childcare.

You have to say no to this and if she says you are unreasonable just point out that you rearranged your work and also pay for childcare while she expects you to disrupt your life so that she gets it for free.

The friendship may not survive this, but if it continues, it will sour anyway due to you feeling so used

Sounds like she is using you as her free childminder. You have to lean to say no.

She’s definitely taking advantage! She’ll continue unless you put your foot down. She needs to find childcare which has some flexibility if she doesn’t want an ongoing commitment and that isn’t easy to find.

YANBU I had someone try this when when my daughter and hers were in primary, always last minute desperate requests on one of my days off. I also had no one locally to help with childcare so paid for it on the days I worked. She wasn't a friend before that though so much easier to (eventually) say no and distance myself, at which point she moved onto a different mum..... and then another....... and so on until they left school.