To think my best friend is taking the piss

I think that must be it, with some family help.

Is she working from home 3 days a week with a 1 year old there?!

If I was her boss, I’d be giving her notice.

Sounds like the friend works from home 3 days a week.

I reluctantly agreed and it was awful.

Stop reluctantly agreeing-you’re making it worse. She’s taking the piss but you are letting her.

You are taking a financial hit by going part time whilst she goes full time and is paying into her pension and progressing her career. I’m sure she won’t be offering to give you some of her pension when she retires, so don’t give her free childcare now.

If she’s asking you for free childcare one day a week but isn’t using paid childcare, what’s she doing on the other 4 days?

I’m angry at you for not saying NO! Grow a backbone!

Just say no every time or ask to drop yours off at hers at 8 am every Sunday.

But there is also chance she may say yes. And I doubt she or her DH would be reliable to have OP's dc when they say they will. More likely the friend will call OP and beg her to help even on her days.

Best not go there.

OP, I think you need to tell her what you've told us - that you've dropped your hours to part time and that you pay for for wrap-around childcare on your office days and a childminder for all your working hours and you sacrifice having more income in order to do this to enable you to do the best for YOUR family. Not so that she can reap the benefits of 2 full time salaries and no childcare costs.

Why not ask her to do a formal swap? You’re happy to collect her DD on Mondays and Wednesdays and she does Tuesdays and Thursdays.

When she says no, then you can say, ah, ok, that’s fine. Never mind, hope you get things sorted.

Hopefully that will give you an out without ruining your friendship - even the C of CFs would struggle to try and get you to do something they’ve just refused to do themselves, surely?

And if she does say ‘I can’t but can you?’ then you can do the MN tinkly laugh and say, lol. Nice one! You’re so funny…

I know you are going to school anyway but I'd explain to her that you want your days off to spend with your kids

Life is too stressful for provisos and sorting snacks for other people's children.

The CF needs to pay for childcare, like everyone else.

The cheek of her asking you when you were on a well deserved childfree day off work!!! I'd have to be on my deathbed to ask a friend like that.

My sil used to take advantage of us like that (and anyone who would take them!) so I started to ask her back. So if I took her kids, I'd say oh yeah great can you take mine on Saturday for example and the requests soon stopped!!

She is definitely a CF but if the kids enjoyed one another’s company, I would pick up if I was going to the school anyway.

But on the proviso that when I wasn’t going, for whatever reason, it would be her responsibility to find alternative care. And assuming I could afford the extra snacks and/or CF sent snacks for both children occasionally.

But there is no way I would give up my annual leave to provide childcare. Unbelievable sauce of the woman.

Unfortunately you will have to tell her and it will affect your friendship. As a signed up CF, she won’t see your side (tho she should do) and will possibly get offended and continue to try to use you.
It’s sad but you need to risk things between you not being the same, and assert your boundaries.

Who looks after the 1 year old for her when she is in the office 2 days a week? why isn't she asking them to pick DD up? or she has and they have said no, like you should.

I had something similar a couple of years ago. My DD made friends with girls that live over the road. We drove them into school one morning as we bumped into them when we were leaving and they asked if we could. This turned into them coming to our door every morning for a ride, every single day for weeks AND they'd come to the car at pick up for a ride home! It all went on much longer than it should have.

It all ended when they told me their mum said my DD wasn't allowed in their house because she was 'too loud'. I hit the fucking roof and told them all to piss off.

She needs to pay proper childcare.

You have two choices OP, tell her it has to stop and run a 50/50 risk of her getting the hump and it ruining your friendship, or say nothing, keep doing it and let the resentment build until it has 100% ruined the friendship. Option 1 at least gives your friendship a chance, assuming she hasn't killed it already by taking advantage of you the way she has.

She is not your friend. I know how expensive childcare is. It's basically a second mortgage but it's something as parents we have to just accept and build it into the family finances. You need to tell her that you can't do childcare going forward. If she gets upset and falls out with you because you don't want to be a free childminder then honestly you are well rid of her

You are financing her lifestyle, OP.

I'm sorry to say, but she's not a friend, let alone a best friend.

Not at all unreasonable. They are taking the piss. Next time she messages you reply with the number of the childminder or after school club. Don’t get into being apologetic, you don’t have to explain yourself. She needs to pay for childcare same as you.

I cannot believe you wasted a day off like this.

She will now expect the same regularly.

She not your friend and using you

What does this friend bring to your life?

I'm not for one minute suggesting friendship should be one sided and a person be out for what they can get but this doesn't sound like a friend.

Is it just that your children met at school/nursery and you feel you and the child's mum must be besties, if so she's doing perfectly well out of this friendship and it's totally at your expense because you really can't say no.

It's not uncommon for anyone to want to make plans to fill their probably very rare spare time doing what they want to do and I'm sure that doesn't include being a "friends" unpaid childcare or anything else that said friend may have planned for you, so you're perfectly entitled to do so without guilt.

Until you stand up and tell her that you can't do the fetching and carrying she's going to assume that you're OK to continue, if she takes umpage that's her problem but stop now before you're stuck trying to find someone to do her childcare through the 6 week summer school break.

Oh my god why didn't you reply "I won't be in tomorrow so I really can't watch the wee one, hope you get something sorted."

Madness! She is not a friend!

No more childcare. No more picking up from school. Tell her now not to ask again. I bet you won’t hear from her anymore, demonstrating that she is definitely not a friend.

Don’t be afraid to say no - she isn’t remotely afraid to abuse your trust and good nature!

You need to tell her you won't be doing any more childcare and to stop asking. After that ignore any childcare related messages, don't get drawn in