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AIBU?

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To think my best friend is taking the piss

509 replies

Findingthisweekhard · 21/05/2024 14:59

Me best friends daughter and dd are in the same year at the same school. I have older and younger children too and she also has a 1 year old. She’s got a 1 year old and has recently gone back to work full time, her husband also works full time.
She has no formal childcare. She was due to use the same childminder as me but changed her mind last minute as they didn’t want to pay for it.
Now almost weekly she’s asking me to pick up her school age dd and have her after school until she finishes work. Last week I had a day annual leave with my young kids at the childminder as some much needed down time, the night before she messaged begging me to have her little one for the day as she had no other options and had to go in to the office (she does twice a week). I reluctantly agreed and it was awful. My chilled day wondering the shops and lunch with my sister turned in to me rocking a buggy for hours, eating my lunch stood up bouncing him and just generally miserable.
shes just messaged me again asking to do the school run and it’s given me absolute rage.
ive dropped my hours to part time and pay for wrap around childcare on my office days and a childminder for all my working hours so we have less disposable income but live within our means. She’s taking advantage of this, to their benefit of 2 full time salaries and no childcare costs.
she really is my best friend but this can’t go on, aibu to stop collecting her child from school when I’m there collecting mine anyway?

OP posts:
Arconialiving · 21/05/2024 20:52

Well done on having firm boundaries! Hope she responds appropriately.

KomodoOhno · 21/05/2024 20:46

Great job! You remained firm but polite.

TheTartfulLodger · 21/05/2024 20:42

Findingthisweekhard · 21/05/2024 19:31

“this is a really awkward conversation but it needs to be said. I’m feeling a bit put out by all the help with x & y recently. I’ve taken a big pay cut to drop to part time to do some school runs and spend time with the kids, and we pay over £800 a month for the childminder for the twins for my work hours so I know they are well cared for, having fun and I can do my job properly. I do feel like you’ve taken advantage of my new routine and you’ve been a bit lapse with your childcare arrangements for x and y, relying on me to bail you out but it’s becoming a regular thing and I’m still really disappointed about my day off the other week when the twins were with the childminder but I had y for you and it was a total nightmare. I’m not going to be able to help anymore and I think it would be good for you and the kids to get in to a stable routine! Here’s the link to book afterschool club xxx. I’d be happy to book dd in for x’s first session so she has a familiar face. I’m sure if you speak to my childminder in the morning on the school run she can ask around to help you find a space for y. I know you’ll be disappointed but I really think we need a boundary to protect our friendship, we were friends for so many years before we had kids, let’s not let childcare be the reason for falling out xx”

holding breath waiting for a reply

Good luck with that 😱

Jhgdsd · 21/05/2024 20:42

Super clear message.
That she would use you the way she did and you have twins, is quite extraordinary.
Protect yourself OP. You may share considerable history, but there is no way a good friend would behave like this.
Complete CF territory of the highest grade.

Silvers11 · 21/05/2024 20:36

Well done OP. Excellent, clear message while still saying you value your friendship. Hope she responds well - but if she doesn't and takes the hump, well, she doesn't value your friendship in the same way you do. Fingers crossed she responds reasonably to it

MeridianB · 21/05/2024 20:34

Amazing job, OP. Really great, clear message.

Teentaxidriver · 21/05/2024 20:23

Very good message. Firm but fair, now you just need to be resolute in your not helping her out.

ProvincialLady2024 · 21/05/2024 20:07

As long as keep doing it she will keep asking.

Funnywonder · 21/05/2024 20:05

I like your message OP. Polite and friendly, while also letting her know the party's over! I hope everything goes ok and that she acknowledges just how much you've been doing for her.

IncompleteSenten · 21/05/2024 20:03

That's a very clear message.
It needed to be said.
It may be her initial response is anger or defensiveness but hopefully she'll take a look at herself and realise you have a good point.

PennyPugwash · 21/05/2024 20:02

Also, just saw the txt you sent.
Well done!!!
She needs to apologise immediately!

PennyPugwash · 21/05/2024 20:00

Findingthisweekhard · 21/05/2024 18:16

Thanks all this was the kick up the bum I needed. The childcare on my day off should have been the last straw but I will message her tonight!

and yes on her non office days she “works from home” with her 13 month old and usually on her office days her husband has the baby whilst he “works from home”

They're both massively taking the mick out of you and their employers.
If their employers knew they had a baby at home whilst supposedly working, it would certainly be a case for HR.
I'm actually annoyed for you. Very very cheeky of them both

ToxicChristmas · 21/05/2024 19:59

Well done OP. Very clear and honest message. I hope she's OK about it.

FairFuming · 21/05/2024 19:54

Hopefully she listens and apologies

OPOPONAX4 · 21/05/2024 19:52

Very nice clear message.

rookiemere · 21/05/2024 19:52

Such a good message OP. I hope you get a reasonably response.

shenandoahvalley · 21/05/2024 19:48

Well done OP. Firm, clear, no wiggle room. Her reply will tell you a lot about how she values your friendship.

Moonshine5 · 21/05/2024 19:47

White lie, that way you keep the friendship.

Starwind74 · 21/05/2024 19:46

Who looks after your friend’s children when you and she are both working? Does she just work from home and look after them at the same time? ( I appreciate one is at school but after school etc). Or has she got another unpaid friend roped in as well. Either way what a cheek!

OriginalUsername2 · 21/05/2024 19:45

Well done! Good luck, I hope she’s reasonable.

BruFord · 21/05/2024 19:43

Well done, OP, you’ve explained well what the issue is and she needs to get her childcare properly sorted out.
You’re her friend, not her child minder!

Fontainebleau007 · 21/05/2024 19:41

Great reply 👏🏼

autumncrisp · 21/05/2024 19:37

Just seen this thread. That's a great message. Good for you for sending it. Don't back down when she replies.

EmilyTheCriminal · 21/05/2024 19:33

Well done @Findingthisweekhard

Boxerdor · 21/05/2024 19:32

That’s a good message op