To think my best friend is taking the piss

Very good message, OP. The history of CFuckery regarding child care on MN usually signals the end of the "friendship" when the favours are withdrawn. Let's hope for something that bucks the trend.

Can’t believe the bloody cheek of her!
Brilliant message you sent - it’ll be interesting to see what she comes back with . . . 👀

Late to the thread but her behaviour is outrageous! Her poor kids being shunted from pillar to post with no stability or clear plan week to week. I took pay an insane amount of money for childcare and wrap around for my two but I do it because I need to work. It's just what you so. I hope she apologies!

Years ago I looked after a friend's young children quite often. Before I had my own marriage and children. No pay. Paid the busfare myself. They never drove me home.I really liked her and the children.

One day after spending a night at their house I got a text that she wasn't happy in my company.
Great. I was the one babysitting for free. Not a friend.

Say no. Nothing good will come from carry on.

Great message. I recently dumped one of my close friends for years of extreme CF. It's been so liberating and such a relief. I'm sure you and your friend will sort it out 🙏

Yeah that message is a lot. If she's unreasonable she may never speak to you again. Why not just say I'm sorry I am no longer able to help with the school and childcare. And leave it at that.

@Codlingmoths Agreed!

She won’t respond. If she does, it will be to fly off the handle I expect. Hopefully I'm wrong though.
OP you couldn't have worded that message any better if you tried, well done. 👍🏻

She’s using you, unfortunately. She should either pay for child care, or at least offer you some reciprocal arrangements. Occasionally helping each other out is fine; this is ridiculous!

Is this the first instance of CF-ery?

Precisely. Which is why her response will be so telling.

Imagine how entitled you’d have to be to read that message and think anything other than ah shit I’ve been taking the absolute piss haven’t I??

I don’t mean to be rude to you, but you sound like a people pleaser.

This will not serve you well in the long term (believe me, I’ve been there).

OP needed to say no to inappropriate requests for the sake of her own mental health and the sake of her own children. She has done the right thing sending that message.

Please don’t let people trample you SheerLucks and don’t let them make you into a liar. Telling little lies like that is classic people pleasing and it’s very bad for you in the long run.

Well done for sending the message op.

her response will be extremely telling. Either she will apologise profusely, in which case you can move forwards. Or she will say you are mean/start begging/whining etc - in which case, she’s not a friend at all, just a user.

What’s better about lying and being weak? OP used her backbone and will feel much more confident nipping these types of situations in the bud after this.

@@SheerLucks

Eek - just read your message to your friend.
I think my idea was a bit better...oh well

Why should OP have to make up a lie to a 'friend' who's taking the piss??

....but that said, kudos for your message! Well done- job done!

Why do people allow themselves to be used so much? I am sympathetic to you and you are clearly a nice(r) person (than I am) but why why did you agree to having her kid on the day you were meant to be relaxing with your sister? Come on! Please just say no.......'no sorry, that doesn't work for me!' I even tell my class this phrase and they are 9/10 years old. Although when I give them their homework sheets and they say it....:) but anyway, JUST SAY NO!

Well done op. You are too good for her. 💐💐💐

I think OP's message was spot on and much better than...lying. Oh well, everyone has their own approaches I guess.

Sorry OP. Just spotted your update. Well done. I hope she recognises that you valued the friendship and that you get a reasonable response, but in any case, you've been very clear.

This ^^
OP. Its the good old "If you don't help me out with free childcare, you are not my friend" routine. They always have a desperate last minute emergency and you are always the ONLY person that can help them out. There will be a lot of people on this thread who have experienced this.
I see that a lot of people have advised telling her that you can't pay for childcare to look after her child for free, and I agree. She probably will kick off about this because like most CFs, she is entitled, everyone owes her.

You summed it up yourself when you said
I've dropped my hours to part time and pay for wrap around childcare on my office days and a childminder for all my working hours so we have less disposable income but live within our means. She’s taking advantage of this, to their benefit of 2 full time salaries and no childcare costs.

You took a salary cut and pay for wrap around childcare so that you could devote your time and attention to your own child, your own life. Why should you make those financial sacrifices and then be expected to subsidise her lifestyle? She booked the childminder and then decided she did'nt want to pay - because she thought she'd use you for free instead.

Those are not the actions of a true friend.

It's not a nice situation to be in OP, and it will be hard to tell her, but you'll have to nip this in the bud or it will weigh you down.

Eek - just read your message to your friend.

I think my idea was a bit better...oh well.

You were right to say something OP. I wouldn't be happy having a day off with my kids at nursery if I were looking after someone else's child. Why should you pay for childcare so that your friend can use you! I do think your message to your friend was unnecessarily long and could have been more to the point but hope she understands and your friendship isn't ruined.

Your friend is taking ridiculous advantage of you!

If you want to avoid conflict just make something up - like you've had extra work given to you/need to cover for long-term sick leave etc.