To think my best friend is taking the piss

I don’t recon you’ll ever get a reply. She’ll probably ignore you on the school run now too. Completely entitled and pig headed!

Glad you said it though OP and book yourself another days AL ASAP and enjoy 😉

not replying is rude as fuck. It is clear she fully intended to use you as her childcare. Permanently, she doesn’t even have the decency to say sorry. That’s bad.

The “friend” will probably show her true colours now. Cheeky mare.

Well, she now knows what you think of her. It's a bit late now, but if you intended to stop the childcare AND preserve the friendship, you should not have commented on her life choices and accused her of taking advantage of you.

I'm a bit surprised at all the posters saying they hope she replies gracefully. Surely anyone capable of behaving like this in the first place is very unlikely to be graceful when confronted, however politely?

OP, I think it would be more useful for you to brace yourself for guilt tripping, snide remarks, tears, anger etc. If you're prepared for them in advance then maybe they will sting less. And if they don't happen at all then it will be a happy result! But I'd be very surprised. The key thing is to remember that you are really not being UR at all, no matter what she says.

Maybe by your text she has realised how ridiculous the whole thing was i.e. asking you to mind her kids when you had paid for childcare for your own and is now embarrassed and doesn't know how to come back from it. It may take her a day or two but hopefully she will see how unfair she was being by putting this on you and have a chat / apologise. If she stops talking to you because of this then that is on her, not you OP.

I’d be tempted to type up and send her a bill for x amount £ and title it childcare.

If she comments, tell her, the rest of us pay it, I’m obviously yours and this is what you’d pay otherwise to a childminder.

Just seen what you sent her. You’re far too nice. Most if not all parents know about links for afterschool clubs and she’s trying her luck with you.

Good for you, she was majorly taking the piss! I can't believe she asked you to have hers when you are paying for childcare for yours, unbelievable!!!

I'm sorry. YOu must be feeling stressed about it. She's obviously uncomfortable and embarassed and/or angry but you must feel so on edge waiting for a response. I get that. I hope it works out.

I hope you're not feeling guilty. These are NOT your children!

Hopefully she is reflecting and will reply graciously as your message was very reasonable

@Findingthisweekhard safe to assume she has the hump. But that’s not your fault, you aren’t responsible to take up the slack for their failure to arrange regular childcare.

and you were very reasonable in your explanation. If she can’t acknowledge you and your feelings, she’s no great pal.

x

wait so, you pay for care for your own child, thus freeing up your time which you got bullied into using to provide free childcare for your "friend"

she's a cf extreme but yabvvvvvvu to allow yourself to be taken advantage of like this and not advocate for yourself!

Gutted for you that she doesn't have the grace to even acknowledge the message, let alone thank you for all the help you have given until this point. How was the husband with you?

OP - I assume you can tell if she's read the message (or not)?

Does the husband normally do the school run? Or is she avoiding you?

Great message I think. I hope it goes well

I also think that whether it's her or her husband who came up with this bonkers idea the light must have dawned by now that WFH with a toddler is nigh on impossible. Bad enough on the days when they have to be kept home from childcare through illness and you just have to muddle through it and hope your employer is forgiving.

So personally, given she is a close friend it's quite possible she didn't set out to completely take the piss. I'd treat it as a blip and one of those lessons in life we all learn from time to time. Unless her response is deep offence !

The message you sent was polite, warm and seemed mindful of sustaining your friendship.
You have a gift of being able to write frankly with respect.

Be up front and honest.
Discuss it at a pleasant, arranged meet up with the two of you.
Agree to be an emergency contact (spell that out ie if there is a car accident )and otherwise arrange normal playdates sometimes but being the regular child care option is not working out and is not sustainable for your friendship nor for your good health and wellbeing.
Your friend might respond by offering to pay you for child care.
How would you react? Think about that in advance.
Do you want to be a paid child care person for some set hours per week?

Good for you OP - has there been a reply?

I think I’d have gone for a don’t complain, don’t explain approach too.

She has totally taken the piss so I fully agree that she really deserve any grace but you do seem to appreciate your friendship on some level, this matter aside.

If this person is really your best friend, then I hate to think what your other friends are like

No way I would have said yes to my day off too. Just no way and im so annoyed for you. Great message btw but I doubt she's read all of it to absorb her cheeky fuckery.

Yeah she’s taking the piss