AIBU for thinking MIL has priorities wrong with her grandson ?

@Pettyman you should when they are asleep, it's so they can regulate their breathing (babies have a design fault for when they sleep they can forget to breathe). So monitors aren't any use in this regard

Exactly. What’s wrong with leaving him and getting on with what you need to do? I always did. No one needs to be in the room standing guard

It would be interesting to watch a baby room in a nursery if every baby needs to be all the time.

I’ve worked in nurseries. A member of staff was always present in the baby room. We never left them alone.

What happens if your baby is in a different room to your tumble dryer though? Which do you watch? Honestly, it’s perfectly fine to leave a content baby to watch the world around him. What happens if he wakes up when you are asleep? Do you sit there watching them until they go back to sleep just to be on the safe side?

It’s not fine. It’s safer for the baby to be in the same room as an adult. It’s literally following safe sleep guidelines but it does allow for the parent(s) to leave the room to go to the toilet/do small tasks like the aforementioned tumble dryer because the guidelines have to be realistic but they should be in the same room for babies under 6 months for the majority of the time.

Babies should always be in the same room as you for the first six months for sleep, day and night*. This doesn’t mean you can’t leave the room to make a cup of tea or go to the toilet, but for most of the time when they are sleeping they are safest if you are close by.
There are no devices on the market that will substitute a parent or carer being in the same room as baby for safer sleep. *

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/safer-sleep-basics/room-sharing/#:~:text=To%20reduce%20the%20risk%20of,for%20sleep%2C%20day%20and%20night.

It would be interesting to watch a baby room in a nursery if every baby needs to be all the time.

MIL isn't doing anything wrong, she's just doing it the way she used to with her kids. I'm almost certain she isn't actually just "chucking" a blanket over him either.

Babies don't need constant 24/7 cuddles. Parents with more than one child would have a meltdown if that was the case. Your MIL is helping you out. Either thank her nicely or find someone else to do it.

What happens if your baby is in a different room to your tumble dryer though? Which do you watch? Honestly, it’s perfectly fine to leave a content baby to watch the world around him. What happens if he wakes up when you are asleep? Do you sit there watching them until they go back to sleep just to be on the safe side?

Some people aren’t into cuddling babies or the baby stage. One of my best friends is brilliant with my girls age 5 and 2, they adore her and she’s alot of fun, but she never took that much interest in them as babies, she would hold them for a few seconds before passing them off.

I wouldn’t ask your MIL to watch him anymore until he’s bigger, and the blanket issue is a concern!

It's hard to know. She might have more control over things not responding to baby's every cry or she might have less.. if shes well and has her own life together and If the baby seems happy and well with her, then I'd take the time for a break!! But if you think she's being lazy or neglectful, then id ask someone else to mind the baby. Trust your instinct!

@shenandoahvalley yes. It's the guidance for SIDS. And if I was a grandparent I would want to be doing it correctly. For the poster who said granny will have more experience and would know best, they probably didn't have this guidance when bringing up their children, in the same way my parents thought putting baby to sleep on their front was the correct way. Guidance changes

Wtf?!

Are you actually saying that a caregiver needs to be in the same room as a baby when it's sleeping?!

Oh dear.

No, she doesn't have them wrong. They're just different, and imo correct.

She's not a substitute YOU, she's a grandmother. Your baby is lucky to have different inputs.

She doesn't have to cuddle your baby. Nobody but you and his dad have to do that. She was watching over him: he wasn't crying, he wasn't fussing, he was totally fine. Life goes on for everyone except the parents when a baby is born. Seriously, much as I'm sure your baby is wonderful, the back door still needed painting.

In my experience, infants can have too much adult interaction. They need time to be, to learn how the world is by themselves. They don't need people in their face all the time, cuddling them, holding them, kissing them, playing with them, interacting with them. It's not good for them. Can you imagine someone doing that with you?

I bet there will be a lot of ‘just a minute love/let me just…/can you ask Dad/game interrupted/I’ll do it just after’
🙄🙄🙄

Reported post

@SallyWD not fine that not in the same room when baby is napping

I agree about the cuddles. My 11 year old son still loves cuddles!

On both occasions the baby was fine. I thought you were going to say you came back to a screaming, distressed baby. I actually think it's good not to be constantly holding and interacting with a baby. It's good to let the baby sometimes just sit there without constant stimulation and attention. If a baby is content and just happily looking around then it's fine. It's quite a modern notion that we should spend every moment amusing and entertaining our babies.
I would definitely go to a crying baby and I enjoyed interacting with my babies of course. At the same time I could see the value of just letting them be sometimes (if they were content).

It's not fine when they are little. You being in the room with them is a SIDS preventative. Nature didn't design babies to be left alone.

A 12 week old shouldn't have blankets in their cot, first of all. Secondly, stop having her watch him.

I don't think you can dictate to the level of "it's not ok to put him in his Moses basket where he's perfectly happy, for a short time, so you can get on with household jobs; you must sit and cuddle him continuously".

Well, you can, but in a couple of years' time OP will be complaining that MIL never wants to babysit.

Is this in your house? If yes, maybe she is trying to be helpful by cleaning your kitchen and painting your backdoor.

but he wasn't upset or fussing in either occasion OP has described.

Of course you do! And you can stop them doing it in future.

What?! That's not exactly practical is it! As long as you can hear them it's fine to not be in the same room!

I guess she's just had a different approach to parenting as you do. Neither of you are wrong but if your baby isn't distressed or put in danger then I don't think you should do anything unless you want to lose your free babysitter.
The blanket should be tucked in though I agree, and I wouldn't have been happy to leave mine with someone who would have left them to cry while they were doing something else, would she do this or is she ok with picking up if he starts to cry?