AIBU for thinking MIL has priorities wrong with her grandson ?

1987 and we were told the same. Also to lie baby on their side wrapped sausage skin tight in a blanket with just their little head sticking out 😅

By exactly how much?

I hate all this “oh what nonsense, I left my baby alone to sleep all the time and they survived”
makes absolutely no fucking sense.
Nobody said that your baby WILL die if you aren’t in the room all the time when they nap. If that was the case we would all be glued to our babies’ sides 24/7… but being in the same room for most of the time (I.e. of course, pop to the loo, make a drink or whatever) reduces the risk.

@Pettyman you should when they are asleep, it's so they can regulate their breathing (babies have a design fault for when they sleep they can forget to breathe). So monitors aren't any use in this regard

What happens if your baby is in a different room to your tumble dryer though? Which do you watch? Honestly, it’s perfectly fine to leave a content baby to watch the world around him. What happens if he wakes up when you are asleep? Do you sit there watching them until they go back to sleep just to be on the safe side?

It’s not fine. It’s safer for the baby to be in the same room as an adult. It’s literally following safe sleep guidelines but it does allow for the parent(s) to leave the room to go to the toilet/do small tasks like the aforementioned tumble dryer because the guidelines have to be realistic but they should be in the same room for babies under 6 months for the majority of the time.

Babies should always be in the same room as you for the first six months for sleep, day and night*. This doesn’t mean you can’t leave the room to make a cup of tea or go to the toilet, but for most of the time when they are sleeping they are safest if you are close by.
There are no devices on the market that will substitute a parent or carer being in the same room as baby for safer sleep. *

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/safer-sleep-basics/room-sharing/#:~:text=To%20reduce%20the%20risk%20of,for%20sleep%2C%20day%20and%20night.

Stop leaving him with her. Why’s she sticking a blanket on a small baby?

Why’s she cleaning instead of spending time with him? Is she under the impression from you or her son that you need help around the house?

You don’t need to let anyone babysit him if you don’t want to. It’s not up to your DP.

She’s not that bothered by him, stressed about caring for him so finding other distractions, worried about you/your home and feels that’s a more pressing priority. Do you have an inkling?

The health visitor told me in 1988 to let him cry. Make sure he’s safe and go into another room. So I did. He’s now the loveliest, laid back person.

A 12 week old shouldn't have blankets in their cot, first of all. Secondly, stop having her watch him.

I'd much rather sit and have a cuddle with a baby than paint a door 😂

@blueyavocado

did you expect your mother in law to sit on the sofa for the full hour cuddling him whilst you had your appointment? That would be really boring and unreasonable for you to ask of her.

Replying to the posts re an adult being in the same room as the baby while they nap: this sort of pressure is many-fold times worse than the pressure to breastfeed imo. A baby succumbing to SIDS is obviously devastating in a life-changing way. But it's so, so important for parents to educate themselves on statistics, data and actual risk levels before turning infancy into something else that can be life-changing in a negative way (and of course the price will be paid mostly by mothers rather than fathers).

Of course these baby-centered charities prioritise the child's wellbeing. But I think it's extremely irresponsible of them putting out information the way they do. It's sensationalism, for engagement, just like so many other things in life BUT WORSE because they prey on vulnerable new parents who are hormonally, emotionally programmed to self-sacrifice in the early weeks and months and also exhausted.

SIDS rates around the world vary. I would be amazed to see reputable data showing that in societies where a committed adult spends every single nap time and overnight in the same room as their baby for 6 months, SIDS rates are lower. Frankly, I would be amazed to see reputable data showing significant numbers of parents spending every single naptime and overnight in the same rooom as their baby for 6 months - period.

What?! That's not exactly practical is it! As long as you can hear them it's fine to not be in the same room!

I guess she's just had a different approach to parenting as you do. Neither of you are wrong but if your baby isn't distressed or put in danger then I don't think you should do anything unless you want to lose your free babysitter.
The blanket should be tucked in though I agree, and I wouldn't have been happy to leave mine with someone who would have left them to cry while they were doing something else, would she do this or is she ok with picking up if he starts to cry?

That’s funny cause I cuddled DS all the time. Was a full-on co-sleeping (safely) sling-wearing mom and he is one of the most secure and un-clingy kids I know. Never once cried going to school, just gets on with things.

My point being that you can’t ‘make’ a child clingy by holding them too much. It’s probably largely just how they are. Although a lot of what I read when DS was a baby actually stated the opposite.