AIBU for thinking MIL has priorities wrong with her grandson ?

If babies needed this level of monitoring we would not of survived as a species. You do not need to stand in a room with your baby if you can hear them wake or fuss. The idea that only now have we as a species worked out how not to kill our young is insane. It sounds like an anxious attachment, I remember though those first nights or months really when you got up I got up obsessively to see if the boy was breathing ;) so I stand on my logic but if I had come home and the babysitter wasn't in the same room with a child under two, I would not be happy. Cuddling thing is weird and imposing.

This. It’s quite safe for babies to sleep, in their space, and not be held 24/7. 🙄

OK, thank you.

@Willwetalk they're talking about the lullaby trust safer sleep guidelines to reduce the risk of SIDS. It's discussed extensively on the thread.

Why? Not being aggressive, just wondering.

Ah well. I was under the impression they now talk about safe co sleeping in hospital before discharge these days. Certainly better than it used to be.

I gave birth in a country where my baby was tucked up next to me in bed an hour after delivery, by the doctor!

Supervised naps. Jesus wept.

You need to take responsibility for yourself and your child. Act like a grown up. Get your baby out of that house where your MIL smokes indoors. Do your own childcare.

To be honest I don’t get why you needed someone to watch the baby for 15 minutes whilst you sorted a pram. You sound a bit OTT to me.

When I got back 30 mins later he was in the Moses basket on the floor with a blanket dumped over him and she had been painting the back door!

Nothing wrong with that, she is probably of the generation who didn't feel the need to constantly carry their babies around or 'wear them', their babies were fed, changed and kept at a comfortable temperature when they were very small and they probably never developed 'attachment issues'.

He's only 3 months old. It's unnecessary to keep getting her to look after him. You and your partner would be better doing it yourself. And she quite clearly has no actual interest in looking after him.

Why didn't you stop her when she took him 'upstairs for a nap'? What was she going to do lie down in your bed?!

Oops, you're getting on each others last nerve now.

Do your living with an alcoholic smoking mil who walks off with baby and a couple of dogs ....her not cuddling baby is probably safer and the least of the dangers.

I see what you mean. I read “she smokes in the house” and “she drank and smoked during pregnancy” as both being true ie she’s always smoked (in the house) and didn’t even stop when she was pregnant leading to her dh still having co-ordination problems.

“He turned out just okay ish had severe asthma as a baby and was hospitalised for over a week as she smokes in the house! Has co-ordination problems as she drank and smoked during pregnancy”

Co sleeping has not been okayed by the lullaby trust they are clear it's best for baby to have their own sleep space but if parents insist on co sleeping they have advised on the safest way to do it....but it's not as safe as a separate space.

Think OP meant that MIL smoked around her DH when he was a baby

OP why didn’t you mention to live with your MIL in you opening post, that’s really odd?

Come on OP, that’s quite the drip feed.

You have an infant in a house with dogs and a smoker who smokes in the house. That changes absolutely everything. Her not being the room while he naps is the least of it. Smoking in the house with an infant is insane (and cruel).

And, just check for yourself: you do not want your baby held and kissed and cuddled for periods of time by a smoker. He’s better off on the floor with the friendly dogs.

Im sure you’re not living with her out of choice. You probably don’t have much control over your living conditions and this is the thing you can try to control. I think you should focus your efforts on getting out of that house. It’s not healthy for your baby.

This changes everything. If you are feeling this way you need to move out and get your own place.

You have already said that you don’t need your MIL so it will be a piece of cake.

I know what you mean, and I co slept before it was OK’d by the Lullaby Trust, so I have no skin in this game. But in many cultures around the world - including ones I’ve lived in and raised my babies in - babies are in caregivers arms or strapped to them in slings all day, and sleeping in bed with them at night. They are literally never alone, and in these cultures SIDS incidence is very low.

@blueyavocado

yeah at some point op you will want a night out or whatever and will need a babysitter. Do not burn your bridges OP!

If you don’t need her and are never going to need her crack on.

you are in a very lucky position to never need a grandparents help with child care.

In this case you honestly need to stop all unsupervised visits. If MIL can't see the problem with this then that's her issue. On this point alone you are not unreasonable at all.