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AIBU?

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To expect rest of family to chip in for our room upgrade?

164 replies

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 11:25

We are going away for a family holiday (myself who is heavily pregnant, DH, DD 13, DS 1) with my DH’s family (in one room MIL & FIL, in another room BIL, SIL, 2 nieces both 5 and nephew 12, and us in our own room). MIL sorted the booking out with her TA friend, and assured us we all had appropriate rooms. She said her TA knew we needed a one bedroom apt with a sofa bed in the living room, seeing as we have an infant and a teen - both who are obviously on wildly different sleeping patterns, and baby still gets up during night as well as getting up at 6 on the dot every AM. And of course baby goes to sleep much earlier than all of us in general, so want to make sure we don’t disturb him while we are sat on our balcony at night too.

DH agreed to just split the cost of the holiday in three, even though tbh I didn’t feel that was very fair considering we only have one child to pay for and BIL has 3. Either way, it was agreed to and done.

Fast forward to now and I was doing my own digging in to the holiday and what it is going to be like as I like to be prepared. I have never let anyone book a holiday for us before and I’m the kind of weirdo who takes a folder so I know everything is correct and booked and in control 🤣 I realised that what Jet2 call a standard room is actually a STUDIO. We have 1 door in to the room, a double bed next to a single bed, a bit of room next to that for a cot, and then a door out to the balcony. That’s it. I freak out to DH because we’ve paid thousands of pounds for a studio for a week when there are four of us, while BIL has a 2 bedroom, 2 floor apartment with a separate living room and a terrace/garden. Bear in mind again that we split the cost evenly. I wasn’t looking for a big luxurious apartment but didn’t think for a second we’d have a room that actually costs over £1200 less to book up front.

Phoned travel agents straight away and someone confirmed we were indeed in a studio, not a 1 bed apartment, and that she didn’t personally feel it was suitable for us as a family either. Priced me £200 roughly to upgrade to a 1 bedroom. Annoying but just happy problem can be fixed and for a semi reasonable price! Though…booking was mis sold in the first place, but I can’t be bothered getting into those politics now. Got in touch with MIL as she is lead booker so needs to message them to give person for me to change the room. She says this TA is wrong and her friend definitely booked us a 1 bed apartment as a studio isn’t suitable for us as a family. Long story short, her friend has now confirmed today that we are in a studio. I’ve not had an apology or a Oopsy or anything, now just backpedaling and excuses on why we don’t need a 1 bed (????). MIL and FIL are two adults and are literally booked into the same room type as us.

ANYWAY, husband is now also very unhappy with the situation. He is adamant that because we agreed to split the cost (thinking we were receiving something fair on our end) that rest of family should now cover the cost of our upgrade. I agree. Everybody thinks WE are being unreasonable. Are we being stupid here??? Are we the unreasonable ones, taking everything into account?

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 21/05/2024 15:34

atlaz · 21/05/2024 11:35

If you are splitting the costs evenly I'd expect a duplex room , the same as your BIL

Exactly this. You're subbing them and accepting less comfortable accommodation for yourselves. It's not at all fair.

Caroparo52 · 21/05/2024 15:28

Dear BIL and SIL
It's now been revealed that the accommodation we're booked into isn't what we were originally told and won't work for the 4 of us.
So we're going to get them to move us into a one bed as originally promised. This affects the price. Whilst talking to the hotel we're now aware of the prices and that our one bed is £x. Given the col etc we'd like to pay just this amount and we feel its only fair that dp only pay for theirs ie £y.
I know you wouldn't want to feel like you're sponging off us for your luxury villa so we're happy to accept a bank transfer from you.
Going forward to the holiday we're suggesting that each family pays for their own expenses rather than the daft idea of dividing the bill into 3 as obviously you'd always still be seen as sponging off us all again.

mrsm43s · 21/05/2024 15:22

friendlycat · 21/05/2024 14:56

This is where a 3 way split never, ever made any sense whatsoever.
5 full paying people
3 full paying people - plus 1 free of charge
2 full paying people

Splitting flights, accommodation and all inclusive package 1/3 each was utter madness.

To be fair, there are 10 paying people going, and OPs family account for 3 of them (plus an extra infant), so thirds would be roughly right if everyone had been given appropriate sized accommodation of the same standard. It's PILs who are subsidising BILs family. The mistake in accommodation size has led to it being an unfair split. I don't think it's fair to ask PILs to be subsidising yet more, but it would be nice if BIL had offered to split the upgrade costs.

Nottherealslimshady · 21/05/2024 15:09

Either they contribute to the upgrade cost or you say we should all pay for our own rooms then.

No way should you be paying the most for the least space. Absurdity.

SapphireSlippers · 21/05/2024 15:08

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/05/2024 14:39

Glad it's been sorted. I'd have gone for the 'happy to swap' route with BIL. If he thinks your accommodation is worth the same as his (actually more), he should be happy to stay in it.

No more 3 way splits. And do you have a cheaper AI because of no booze or are you being fleeced there as well?

I would have definately suggested swapping if it was worth the same

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/05/2024 15:04

MaggieFS · 21/05/2024 15:01

BIL must be rubbing his hands with glee. How soon before he suggests "same again next year".

Unless he and SIL are going to do a fuck ton of babysitting for you.

BIL won't be babysitting, he'll be drinking.

And yes OP, no repeat.

MaggieFS · 21/05/2024 15:01

BIL must be rubbing his hands with glee. How soon before he suggests "same again next year".

Unless he and SIL are going to do a fuck ton of babysitting for you.

friendlycat · 21/05/2024 14:56

MaggieFS · 21/05/2024 14:49

Oh fuck me, I hadn't realised it was a package and you are also subbing the costs of their flights for five people and their AI packages for five people. Bloody hell.

This is where a 3 way split never, ever made any sense whatsoever.
5 full paying people
3 full paying people - plus 1 free of charge
2 full paying people

Splitting flights, accommodation and all inclusive package 1/3 each was utter madness.

MaggieFS · 21/05/2024 14:49

Oh fuck me, I hadn't realised it was a package and you are also subbing the costs of their flights for five people and their AI packages for five people. Bloody hell.

friendlycat · 21/05/2024 14:45

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 14:31

@Peaceandquietandacuppa It is a good bit less! We priced it up yesterday after realising what had happened and ended up really annoyed 😂 had it been sorted originally, we could have had a 2 bed duplex for £200 less than what we’ve paid for the bloody studio (due to the fact infant is free and there are just 3 of us paying full price in our room!)

Edited

That's were it didn't make sense to me that you are only 3 full paying people and BIL's family are x 5. Hence you are subsidising a lot of his holiday. Flights + accommodation.

Lesson learnt for the future. And yes it's always interesting to look at the cost of the elements separately. I never book a package.

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 14:42

@MrsTerryPratchett It’s the same price as everyone else’s but I think (?) that’s normal for all inclusive places?We have only ever gone all inclusive for our honeymoon which was a totally different ballgame, but otherwise usually prefer to go out to eat! So not totally clued up on that side of things x

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/05/2024 14:39

Glad it's been sorted. I'd have gone for the 'happy to swap' route with BIL. If he thinks your accommodation is worth the same as his (actually more), he should be happy to stay in it.

No more 3 way splits. And do you have a cheaper AI because of no booze or are you being fleeced there as well?

Previousreligion · 21/05/2024 14:37

I would expect the TA to reimburse you at least the £50 admin fee required to correct their mistake.

Codlingmoths · 21/05/2024 14:33

Doteycat · 21/05/2024 13:30

Oh youve asked them all have you?
Rediculous statement.
You are the one who rediculed the poster for saying it wldnt suit their teen.

Their teen? Do you mean the poster who told me it wouldn’t work for the ops teen who is a complete stranger?

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 14:31

@Peaceandquietandacuppa It is a good bit less! We priced it up yesterday after realising what had happened and ended up really annoyed 😂 had it been sorted originally, we could have had a 2 bed duplex for £200 less than what we’ve paid for the bloody studio (due to the fact infant is free and there are just 3 of us paying full price in our room!)

OP posts:
Peaceandquietandacuppa · 21/05/2024 14:29

Can you find out the actual cost of each room? Then suggest you pay the cost of your own room plus upgrade only. I bet it will be less than what you have paid 😂

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 14:29

@Razorwire Literally I did some digging and priced how much it would be to buy it direct and the whole thing would have been cheaper not going through the agent. No offence to any of the really lovely travel agents out there, but I just don’t get why people use them! Not pleased she’s getting commission 😂 oh and had to pay a £50 admin fee for changing the room as well, of course 🙄

OP posts:
CrispieCake · 21/05/2024 14:27

I'd tell BIL that either the extra cost is split 3 ways or you're sticking your kids in his duplex apartment where there's more space and he can look after the lot of them.

shenandoahvalley · 21/05/2024 14:27

Your DH's family is kicking up a fuss because you're paying the same price for a studio as a 2-bed apt and they think that's fair?

Honestly, I would have upgraded to a 2 bed apt too. Your teenage boy needs his own room (wildly different sleeping pattern), and you're pregnant with a 1yo. You'll need the space and living room and terrace just as much, if not more than BIL's family.

MIL and FIL should be fine in a studio, it's just the two of them. They shouldn't have to split costs equally but that's up to them.

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 14:25

Okay update! And thank you everyone for their responses.

DD is totally happy sleeping in the living room. She often does this when we go to visit her other grandparents and she thinks it’s fun 😂 for some reason loves the whole sleeping in the living room thing. The 2 bedroom would have been better for us but honestly we have two weddings (both which require 2 days of overnight stays 🫠) in the run up to this holiday, so we don’t have the extra money to fork out on the even bigger room. We’ve also just bought a new house so just do not have the savings sat!

When we called to upgrade it’s been £300 extra for the 1 bed apartment, so we have just paid for it. DH is going to speak to FIL and BIL to ask that we all pay £100 each as it’s only fair considering everything else has been split. It’s All Inclusive so don’t need to worry about a kitty when we go away (though I absolutely wouldn’t be partaking in that anyway as they are all big drinkers while we are not, and obviously I can’t drink anyway!). That and (again) less mouths to feed on our end than BIL.

Thanks for putting my mind at ease that I wasn’t feeling fleeced for no reason! 🩷 and yes…nobody is every booking a holiday on my behalf again 🤣

OP posts:
Razorwire · 21/05/2024 14:23

The “travel agent” should eat the cost of her mistake. Fact you are all paying for this woman’s commission is awful, paying over the odds for everything so this incompetent woman can get a % (and would blame someone else for the mistake).
Perhaps silver-lining payback is that the folks in thd 2 bed apt are going to be the meeting & hangout because they have more room.

Weirdly thinking your in laws are communists making everyone pay same but goods get allocated by need.

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2024 14:22

Shoxfordian · 21/05/2024 11:33

It sounds like you need a two bed not a one bed
Why should everyone pay towards your upgrade?

Because why should the OP pay towards the BiL super-duper apartment?

pontipinemum · 21/05/2024 14:22

What has BIL said? Can your husband send a group message:

'Hi All, we have been in contact with the travel agent. She booked the wrong room type. To amend the booking it will be £200 which split 3 ways is £66 each. As we all split the cost initially I feel it is only fair that we split this. As it is not our fault the TA messed up. We have paid way over the odds to stay in a studio apartment.'

I know you've said it already but ya, we just got back from a holiday with all my family. We each booked our own accommodation in the same place

ThisHumanBean · 21/05/2024 14:19

Why not pay for the upgrade and then send a message to the group along the lines of

”In light of the travel agents booking mistake, we have paid the extra to have the accommodation we expected from the original booking. This has left us out of pocket and as we originally agreed to split the holiday cost 3-way, it seems fair to suggest this cost can be shared by everyone else during the holiday. So whatever the plan is for kitty/shopping etc…we’ll sit out the first £xxx. Are we agreed on this?”

LakieLady · 21/05/2024 14:14

AllotmentTime · 21/05/2024 13:15

Reply back and say yes okay we realise it isn't fair to ask you guys to pay for our upgrade. It's better if we all pay for our own rooms, so let's reallocate so that everyone is paying for their own rooms. Then we can upgrade without asking you guys to pay for us.

.... then once they've agreed, BIL will owe you ££££ which you can easily use to upgrade!!

I'm liking your thinking, @AllotmentTime !

And no-one could say it's unfair: you'd all be covering your own costs.