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AIBU?

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To expect rest of family to chip in for our room upgrade?

164 replies

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 11:25

We are going away for a family holiday (myself who is heavily pregnant, DH, DD 13, DS 1) with my DH’s family (in one room MIL & FIL, in another room BIL, SIL, 2 nieces both 5 and nephew 12, and us in our own room). MIL sorted the booking out with her TA friend, and assured us we all had appropriate rooms. She said her TA knew we needed a one bedroom apt with a sofa bed in the living room, seeing as we have an infant and a teen - both who are obviously on wildly different sleeping patterns, and baby still gets up during night as well as getting up at 6 on the dot every AM. And of course baby goes to sleep much earlier than all of us in general, so want to make sure we don’t disturb him while we are sat on our balcony at night too.

DH agreed to just split the cost of the holiday in three, even though tbh I didn’t feel that was very fair considering we only have one child to pay for and BIL has 3. Either way, it was agreed to and done.

Fast forward to now and I was doing my own digging in to the holiday and what it is going to be like as I like to be prepared. I have never let anyone book a holiday for us before and I’m the kind of weirdo who takes a folder so I know everything is correct and booked and in control 🤣 I realised that what Jet2 call a standard room is actually a STUDIO. We have 1 door in to the room, a double bed next to a single bed, a bit of room next to that for a cot, and then a door out to the balcony. That’s it. I freak out to DH because we’ve paid thousands of pounds for a studio for a week when there are four of us, while BIL has a 2 bedroom, 2 floor apartment with a separate living room and a terrace/garden. Bear in mind again that we split the cost evenly. I wasn’t looking for a big luxurious apartment but didn’t think for a second we’d have a room that actually costs over £1200 less to book up front.

Phoned travel agents straight away and someone confirmed we were indeed in a studio, not a 1 bed apartment, and that she didn’t personally feel it was suitable for us as a family either. Priced me £200 roughly to upgrade to a 1 bedroom. Annoying but just happy problem can be fixed and for a semi reasonable price! Though…booking was mis sold in the first place, but I can’t be bothered getting into those politics now. Got in touch with MIL as she is lead booker so needs to message them to give person for me to change the room. She says this TA is wrong and her friend definitely booked us a 1 bed apartment as a studio isn’t suitable for us as a family. Long story short, her friend has now confirmed today that we are in a studio. I’ve not had an apology or a Oopsy or anything, now just backpedaling and excuses on why we don’t need a 1 bed (????). MIL and FIL are two adults and are literally booked into the same room type as us.

ANYWAY, husband is now also very unhappy with the situation. He is adamant that because we agreed to split the cost (thinking we were receiving something fair on our end) that rest of family should now cover the cost of our upgrade. I agree. Everybody thinks WE are being unreasonable. Are we being stupid here??? Are we the unreasonable ones, taking everything into account?

OP posts:
Mum0fb0yz · 22/05/2024 20:12

Surely to split the costs evenly it should have been based on price per person (infant free)

regardless if f BIL and SIL aren't happy to pay for your upgrade they won't mind swapping with you or letting your oldest sleep in their room?
Of course a studio room is not suitable for you, would a 1 bedroom still be suitable?

Jeannie88 · 22/05/2024 19:48

Good job you checked! It would've been fairer if everyone paid for their own board costs, that's what we do. Yes they should contribute. Never easy going away in a big group. Lovely you're all going away together though, wish we had done this. Xx

laraitopbanana · 22/05/2024 19:25

thanKyouaIMee · 21/05/2024 11:32

I mean I'd be making them pay for the upgrade if you've split the cost equally and they've got a duplex hotel room and you've got a studio 😂

And never holiday with them again!!

That,

Who need a TA friend when you have folders 😁.

RecklessGoddess · 22/05/2024 19:21

Definitely NOT being unreasonable, but I also definitely would NOT have allowed someone else to book my holiday for me, I would have said no thank you, I'll sort it out myself.

Clueless2024 · 22/05/2024 18:59

I'd not be going on said holiday. Sounds a nightmare

Sometimesright · 22/05/2024 18:42

I would be livid! Speaking as a control freak!

Roa · 22/05/2024 18:19

atlaz · 21/05/2024 12:01

I agree that the parents get the worst deal but I think it's less unusual for parents to chip in extra on a joint holiday than a sibling to subsidize another sibling.

Subsidise another sibling without being asked if they want to do that beforehand. I'm suspicious of both them and side-eying the MIL because she was the one who suggested this split and the one whose friend arranged the booking - insisting against all evidence that they didn't arrange it this way to begin with.

TheAceWoman · 22/05/2024 18:07

I didn't think this holiday is going to go well.

You absolutely should not be paying £200 more than them to go on holiday with 1 child (and a free baby) when they have 3 children and better accommodation. The price for their better room was split 3 ways. The price for your worse room should also be split 3 ways. It doesn't bode well that you have to fight for the money.

Roa · 22/05/2024 18:05

Not unreasonable.
I would never agree to split evenly if everything is not even in the first place. I'm puzzled that people do this with restaurant meals, too. Each person pays for what they consume/use and no one will feel bad about it.

Slinky40 · 22/05/2024 17:59

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 11:57

To clarify as well - PIL were the ones who suggested splitting three ways, so I agree that they are overpaying but they are retired and sitting on a good bit of money, so think they wanted to do something nice by paying a bit extra. That wasn’t my suggestion.

But yes, A) will never be letting anyone book a holiday on my behalf again and B) will never be splitting cost again.

Also - this is why I never like using travel agents as have had too many rubbish experiences 😂

I’d be asking for a look at the booking confirmation. I wouldn’t pay a penny more than was due. Life is expensive enough with kids. I have five. People willing to have multiple kids need to take holidays etc into account when family planning! Sounds like BIL won the holiday lottery with this one…….they saved a fortune (£1500?). I’d also be annoyed that PIL were subsidising their holiday and not yours and that’s without you paying extra. To be fair I’d tell them all to fuck off, a £9000 holiday. Even saying to each adult to pay £1250 each and they’d take care of the rest would still be too fair to BIL family!

Slinky40 · 22/05/2024 17:54

Mumof2girls2121 · 21/05/2024 20:41

I wouldn’t go, wouldn’t pay it and id kick up a fuss. In-laws who’d have them ffs

Me too, the lingering resentment would be too much. Fair is fair! BIL’s family haven’t half won this one 😒

Sharptonguedwoman · 22/05/2024 17:49

SiobhanSharpe · 21/05/2024 11:32

You're definitely not unreasonable, the arrangements as they are seem very unfair.
But it might be difficult to apportion blame for the mix up or get anyone else to compensate you.
Unfortunately and with that in mind I think I'd just suck it up and pay the extra myself for the upgrade. Annoying but at least you'd get accommodation that is suitable.
And never let them book another holiday for you

Came here to say this. For the sake of peace, suck it up but never , ever let someone book for you again. Double check you are going to get the apartment as well.

Slinky40 · 22/05/2024 17:49

Shoxfordian · 21/05/2024 11:33

It sounds like you need a two bed not a one bed
Why should everyone pay towards your upgrade?

Because they paid towards the other room upgrades initially when they thought they’d been sold a suitable room.

Delphiniumandlupins · 22/05/2024 00:13

Your PiL have tried to do a nice thing, suggesting splitting the holiday cost three ways, but what has actually happened is that they and your family are both subsidising BiL. If BiL hasn't realised this he's a bit thick.

Goldiefinch · 21/05/2024 22:47

why weren’t you booked the same type of accomodation as BILs family in the first place? If you’re all paying equal then you should get equal. Sounds like you’re subsidising BILs hotel room by staying in cheaper room but paying the same.
you either pay for your own hotel rooms/ flights yourselves (and then if you want a cheaper room that’s your choice) or you all pay the same and get the same.

We had a big family hol like this - all paid equal. What we received in accomodation was not. Accomodation was allocated by MIL - DH and I got by far the worst accommodation because we don’t have kids (doesn’t mean I don’t want a nice room when I’ve subsidised theirs!). I’ve vowed never to go away with them again.

Apollo365 · 21/05/2024 22:32

Ok ignore me just caught up that she’s ok on the sofa bed.
I’m fuming for you though OP!

Apollo365 · 21/05/2024 22:29

This whole thing is batshit and where is your teen sleeping? Assuming it’s the one bedroom or what a shit holiday for them.

PerfectTravelTote · 21/05/2024 22:19

What it boils down to is that you're all subsidising your bils holiday. I bet he planted the seed for your pil to think it was their idea.

Don't fall for that one again!

rookiemere · 21/05/2024 22:06

I think part of your mistake is calling this an upgrade. What it actually is is the room type you were assured you were getting when agreeing the up front price for booking. Ask the others if they seriously think the four of you should share a studio for the same cost as a 2 bed duplex.

Cicciabella · 21/05/2024 21:56

Sounds like a shit holiday .?..why go away with family and be uncomfortable??

Justgorgeous · 21/05/2024 21:43

You need a 2 bed, not a studio or a 1 bed !

PrinnyPree · 21/05/2024 21:43

Yeah fuck that you've basically subsidised BILs holiday he should be paying for the upgrade and be bloody sheepishly thankful since he's still made a bloody killing, cheeky bastard.

Perhaps suggest he has the studio and you have the 2 bed since its all even stevens and he thinks all the rooms are equal.

Dibbydoos · 21/05/2024 21:29

Your BIL should pay it tbf, he and his family have made a killing off you and your in laws...

Mumof2girls2121 · 21/05/2024 20:41

I wouldn’t go, wouldn’t pay it and id kick up a fuss. In-laws who’d have them ffs

NDmumoftwo · 21/05/2024 20:27

Your brother and sister in law should really be paying the upgrade... given they've essentially paid less than their share